stereotypes

i had just had a conversation with ketut about the galungan celebration we were participating in. it was a day of going to the temples in the village with offerings and praying and being blessed in honor and appreciation for the ability to connect with God in this way and a kind of new beginning too. There are 3 temples in each village, representing the 3 forces; Creator, Preserver and Destroyer, so those are mandatory and other than them, you can choose whichever other ones you want, and as many as you want. in the "olden days" before everyone was zooming around on motorbikes and in cars, the family would start out at 4 a.m. from the farm and walk with all the children and offerings into the village and go from temple to temple, and return tired, but inspired by noon. Today we were stuck in traffic jams in the village as everyone was out for the "temple squeeze". He was telling me that there are those that feel it is mandatory to go to all the temples, but he prefers to connect deeply to each one and if he and his family only have power to go to 5, then they just go to 5. he said there is no point in pushing it, and that he prefers that the children and his wife and him feel happy and renewed afterwards. when i asked what he plans to do the rest of the day, he said that after this he will meet his friends at the cock fight. Both me and his wife were so surprised by the response! all the thoughts and intentions until now had been so high and profound and with all of that special energy you go to a cock fight?! not to visit your parents? or stay with family? we laughed. i asked what it is in the cock fight that attracts him. he said it is an opportunity to meet all of his friends that live in different cities, but come "home" to the village for the ceremony, and they all meet at the cock fight, and can sit around and share what they are each doing, and enjoy some time together, and if he sees a cock that looks like a winner, he bets one or two times, and then he comes home. his wife said that she prefers just to stay at home after the temple visits and relax.

we still had another temple to visit, and as we drove through the narrow crowded pathways we passed a bunch of young men, in their late teens, about ten of them. they were sitting on a small veranda, either bare chested or with black shirts on, and at first glance reminded me of a typical "gang" photo. but then i remembered that this is the only way they socialize; the men with the men and the women with the women.
and then suddenly they get married, usually at a very young age. so their whole lives, the boys have been hanging out together...not in mixed groups. and afterwards it just continues but around a cock fight.

at each temple we went to their was a toy vendor with plastic toys laid out on a piece of canvas at the entrance to the temple. the 3 year old boy ended his galungan celebration with one new green sword, one loudly tweeting birdie push toy, and an inflatable ball with tv cartoon characters on it, and the 6 year old girl with a little tea set. altogether it cost about $5. the kids were happy, the parents were happy, the vendor was happy. once we arrived at their home, the sword was used in a make believe battle with the father aiming a big shotgun, and me with another light-up musical sword, among the many that he already owns. the tea set was immediately put to use" preparing lunch" on the sofa.

i suddenly had a thought that maybe these are universal archetypes. that males have a certain built in need for aggression, violence, blood, battle, hitting, fighting, combat, action, competition. and the cock fight is the balinese "way" to vent that behavior, that in other countries would actually be "gangs" or soldiers, or violence. their knives are a personal tool that is used quite often during the month for slaughtering chickens, pigs, or just in daily usage.

i have also been observing my landlord. she runs a wholesale store for the basic needs of the villagers, and supplies many of the shops with their rice, soft drinks, soaps, cigarettes, etc. she sits at the entrance to the shop, in a "managers'" tall back black armchair, behind a desk, her cash register is the top drawer of the desk which is constantly bursting with rupiah notes, and many times during the day she is busy counting it into packets of thousands, etc, and storing it in her big black purse that is next to her. she seems to work very nonchalantly, as if the world is hers' for the asking. nothing excites her or throws her off balance. she is always generous and kind and also shrewd and directed. the place is a total mess. she is not bothered by it. twice a week she has a driver that takes her into the major city to buy stock. when they return, she is there shlepping the huge sacs of rice and crates of coca-cola along with him and her helper.

last night i was anxious to stop by a neighbor and pick up something that she had promised me, and so i went to remind my landlord about it. her husband was after a long day of work too (he is a high school teacher and cab driver), but was there, arranging cartons, unloading the truck. she called him over to the table where we were, handed him her cell phone and told him to call on his to one of the names in her phone list and give her the phone once it was ringing. she meanwhile continued to sit on her chair and converse with me. i was shocked. all of my stereotypes of a "manager" and a "secretary" were suddenly topsy turvy!. he was her secretary! it seemed so out of place that he would stop what he was doing, go over to the desk where she was sitting, and that HE would be busy dialing, while she continued to just relax, after having "given him orders". once the phone was ringing he handed it to her and she told a driver to come pick me up. i kept trying to see if it had been the other way around, if i also would have thought it was so strange, that a man was sitting behind the desk asking a woman secretary to please get hold of so and so now. or to give the customer 3 cartons of cigarettes, which were also within an arms length from her, but she told him to do it.

the women here are very powerful. also physically and also in the day to day existence. they seem to play a double role of being delicate and feminine, with their long black hair, and brocade see through blouses and tight sarongs and girdles, and quiet voices, but in fact, they are the ones calling the shots and running the show. if a man wants a second wife, he must have the approval of his first wife. "the mother-in law" is a powerhouse of a woman, who is served by her youngest sons' wife. and today in the temple i had another surprise when i saw the priestess walking row by row and anointing each devotee with the holy water, while her "assistant" was a priest, serving the wet raw rice to each person to take a thimble full and place on their forehead as a sign that they have witnessed the blessings. when it is a priest walking around anointing and a pretty young priestess following him with the rice, i wouldn't think twice.