woke up suddenly in the middle of the night with a very clear thought out of nowhere: "You have been duped again!" and then came a flow of little twists of things that were said, or not said, or seen, or not seen, that showed me quite clearly, without any effort of my own, that indeed, madeh, is just out to make a quick buck.....and what a better opportunity that from a single woman sitting at a resort on the beach for a few months...
so i am very grateful for the whole experience...grateful it only cost me $5 to learn this quick intensive lesson on "being duped" and that this time the major difference for me is that i am not taking it personally...they dupe. period...it is a fact. they are clever, they are sincere, they are creative they are very giving, and they are out to make some money.
these villas are not for sale, we "snuck in" to see them while their owners are abroad, his friends are the caretakers of the places, and the bottom line is to get me to put a down payment on some land and that he will be the contractor etc....that is his plan.
mine is to continue enjoying myself here leisurely and happily on the beach...with nothing to think about....no major decisions, no money issues, no agenda, just enjoying discovering what makes this country tick, and what makes these people tick...and i am grateful to the owners of my resort, who told me flat out: there is not a single balinese that i trust....(and they have lived in bali for years and know many people....)
so...grateful that my god is so sweet and so loving and so thoughtful and so compassionate that he gave me an intensive yesterday on "a bungalow by the sea in bali".
when the german woman that was here left the other day, and we were sitting together in the car talking, she said that she can trust her intuition whether someone is telling her the truth or not. and that once she met someone in switzerland and he asked to borrow 500 swiss francs for an hour and he would meet her back at the restaurant and return it...she sensed he was lying and decided to give it to him, just to see if her intuition is correct.. he never returned with the money and she was so happy, that now she has proof that she can trust her intuition! and that those 500 swiss francs were the best spent money she ever used!
i shared with her that for me it takes much longer, and that i see "signs" but always tell myself i must be wrong and to trust in spite of what is not feeling 100% true, that there must be something i just don't understand, and to have patience and compassion and acceptance for the unknown too....(having been duped twice last time i was here, and several times this trip too...) and here we go, with an intensive crash course on duping and then god waking me up in the middle of the night with the light of awareness...thank you! happy to have been a partner in this exercise of "trusting my intuition".
Saturday, January 29, 2011
my bungalow by the sea
For a few years I have been sharing with god everyday that I would like to live in a bungalow by the sea…I know that that is all I have to do, and if it is supposed to happen, it will appear somehow someway somewhere, and if not, then the desire will be lifted and I will no longer want it…
The floor plan is one in which I stayed at when I was in Thailand some 5 years ago…as soon as I saw the bungalow there I knew it fitted my needs perfectly and was my ideal little house….and ever since then I have been looking for it, but alas, the time has not yet come…
And the day before yesterday while I was minding my own business on the beach, a young man with baby goes passing by like some other neighbors that live near by, and said hello. I don't know whether it was a line he uses always, or if he really thought so, but he said, " I know you, you were here a few years ago, no?" and I answered that yes, last march, and he did indeed look familiar, but go know…I had been at so many ceremonies and got to feel as if I knew all the villagers even though only by sight…so I assumed he was one of them…
He asked me how I like bali and my usual answer is: I love it, I want to live here.
A few hours later he came by again with an invitation to take me around to see villas on the seaside that are for sale, that he knows about and maybe I can start to get an idea of how much things cost, what they look like, and speak with people from Australia and Canada that are his friends and that live there and are selling etc…wow…what a nice idea…so we made plans to go two days later, with a handshake.
This time I decided to check out with the security of the resort if this is a trustworthy person, since I have been "burnt" a couple of times already, always trusting that everyone has my best interests in mind…and then realizing that everyone has their own interests in mind, including me, and I have to take care of myself! I was reassured that he is honest and safe.
So today we left at 2 to see 3 options….i have no intention of buying a house here at this stage of my life…maybe in the near future, but who knows…and for the time being I am find just coming here for the winter for 3 months and that’s that….but I must admit I do peek on the web sometimes to see what is around…and know that it is possible to get a retirement visa and live here quite reasonably…so it is in the back of my mind as a "nice dream"...
Off we drove, a half hour to the west on the motorbike and arrived at a lovely villa on the sea, that a very nice Balinese man speaking excellent English kindly explained everything about land, building, architecture, etc. he owns some land right next to the villa that I visited and wants to sell it, right on the beach, a small piece of land, altogether, with brand new small house of my choice, $80,000….i looked at the property and couldn't believe that I actually may one day have my small bungalow by the sea!! Oh my god…
Madeh, the man tha
t took me there, suggested I think it over and meanwhile will take me to see another place…so off we drove past the poor poor fishermen and tiny dirty beach where we were, to an area still 20 minutes further west…and suddenly we were riding through magnificent quiet pastoral countryside, with old temples in the middle of the rice fields, and a clean empty tree lined beach and I was crying inside me….how did god bring me to this paradise? Who could ask for more….and as we drove along the dirt road we arrived at a magnificent villa. I thought I was in fairy land….
This is the house o
f his Australian friend and he is interested in maybe selling it so he is showing it to me….maybe I like it??
Maybe I like it?! A large piece of land with a small villa set against the forest in the back part of the lot, with a lovely long water lily pond with big goldfish swimming around, a gazebo with a gamelon chime sitting on it at the end of the deck overlooking the pond, servants quarters on the right side, and straight ahead a small one bedroom tiny kitchen/living room with the entire wall that faces the sea and pond, made of tinted sliding windows so that no one can see in but you can see out….and a huge shaded beautiful pool nourished from a spring that flows non stop into it….plus luscio
us gardens surrounding it all….
Only the security man ( a simple gentle honest looking middle aged Balinese man) was there, and said the Australian owner and Balinese wife were in the city of denpassar and may return later…I suggested to him, that maybe we switch roles…I get to guard this place while they are away, and he can stay in my resort! I kept asking myself if this is what god intended for me??!! Because the house is teeny tiny perfect, and so was everything else…but I had imagined until now a simple little straw and wood bungalow…by the sea…and here was this magnificent place….
We left…and drove, in the pouring rain, to the third place, another 30 minutes east….to another friend of his, and drove down a narrow paved road filled with kids playing and Balinese neighbors mingling and shops open, all the way to the end at the sea….a nice neighborhood….and then walked through a big gate that looked like the entrance to a hotel, and there in the empty swimming pool was his friend who greeted us…
This was another villa, built by a german family 15 years ago and they want to sell and move to the mountains and build there instead….the young man (30?) living there is the owner of the land and the security and maintenance man for the place and the germans come for 4 months a year….i offered him the same offer…how about if I do maintenance here, and he can go live wherever he wants! Again a chuckle…
We sat here for quite a long time, speaking about building licenses in bali, and horror stories of anglos that waited 2 years to get hooked up to electricity, and corruption but if you have money it is the "right'way" and all will go well, and also about meditation and the magic of bali, the sea, the mountains, ceremonies, Balinese, religion, money, buying a ready made house, or building one yourself, etc….it was very informative, and after an hour or more of sitting in the covered outdoor pavilion on its raised foundation, overlooking the sea while it rained, they started to tell me that I need to know that not all Balinese are trustworthy and I need madeh to be in charge of finding trustworthy workmen and materials, or property etc…and again, all the doubts began, who can I trust…these two??! Who knows…and they wanted to know what my budget is….which I kept avoiding to say, since I didn't want that to be a "card in their hand" but in the end when I asked how much he is selling the house for and he said $200,000.00 I told him that that is not in my budget….
When we left, madeh gave me a quick lecture about he is unemployed and has a small baby that is hungry and that if I have any small jobs that he can do for me he will be happy to help….so here we go round the mulberry bush! Just like last time with Jack….taking me on a sightseeing trip in the area, his initiative and then me trying to help the poor unemployed guy out with maybe import/export with Israel. And later finding out that he too was just a lazy bum , trying to get some easy money from a tourist that loves bali….so in the end when he dropped me off I gave him $5 for his time and gas and said goodbye…
I am not cluttering my mind with any more thoughts about this all…at least not intentionally…it is maybe for the distant future….i am grateful that I got a chance to at least see some places and start realizing the complications and repercussions it involves.
And the funniest part of it all, that when we left on the motorbike at the start of the trip, I put on a helmet from the resort and he said that he needs to pick his up from his house….so first we need to stop at the village where he lives…and in we go into the neighboring village that I have gotten to know well, and are driving down a well known street, and suddenly he stops the bike next door to jacks house…the fellow from last march that ripped me off….and he starts walking into the next entrance…and I started laughing…and said: Now I know how we know each other! Last march you had a baby celebration and you had the shadow puppet play here in the courtyard and jack told me I could come see it and you hosted me and we sat and spoke for an hour with your wife and neighbors and I was treated as the honored guest by you, and even took all those family photos for you! I just laughed how god plays around with me….what a joke!
Friday, January 28, 2011
a traffic jam = a funeral
as we headed off to the east coast yesterday which is a 2 hour drive, we found ourselves in several traffic jams....which we quickly interpreted to mean that there must be a funeral ceremony going on....so all the traffic stops as all the villagers walk 4 abreast, women in the front, men following, and with the pall bearers leading with either a the coffin with a big "decorated float" on top of it and with another person in the lead holding a framed photograph of the deceased...not necessarily recent, but from their youth! (will have to check that out...how they all have a serious portrait photo of them looking well...maybe their i.d. card photo?)
so traffic is stopped by one of them in order to either go from the persons house, where the gamelon band of men has been sitting outside for a week playing special music that sounds heavenly in order to aid the soul to rise to join their deceased ancestors (poorer families use a recorded tape of the music which is played from dawn to dusk the entire time until the body is buried) to either the temple and then cemetery, or crematory, women are holding offerings, a man, bamboo for making a fire, the priest is on the megaphone from the temple reciting prayers and mantras informing the ancestors that someone is joining them soon, and also encouraging the villagers to help the soul rise....no dragging them down here to earth with crying and sadness...
yesterday it happened 3 times, causing our trip to take a little longer, but allowing us to witness much of the different parts of the ritual....including the big paper flower pagents (is that the word?!) decorating the entrance to the deceased house, the gamelon bank playing high tones including some bamboo flutes...a huge gold plated float for a wealthy woman,, and sadly seeing a man in the lead of the last procession holding a small bundle of batk material in his arms,,,with the dead baby inside. ( which touched home having been part of a similar funeral procession for an infant from yodfat once....may she rest in peace)
dewah explained that there are 4 parts to a funeral that are necessary in order for it to be complete: gamelon, song, offerings and prayer....if one is missing, then the funeral is not complete....
and only when the family has enough money can the body be removed from the cemetary (sometimes only symbolically, sometimes the actaul bones) and cremated and then the urn with the ashes is taken all over bali in the "journey of the soul" going to all the directions and all of the different regions (mountainous, valleys, seaside with temple ceremonies and finally ending up at the higherst temple physically and geographically, in bali, and from their the assurance that the soul will not have to be reincarnated again in this world...
all of this is the responsibility of the children towards their parents, the debt they owe to them and for this all their money is saved, in order to insure the huge costs of the burial ritual....so....no one is too busy thinking about going abroad here....too much money is needed just in order to save up for your parents burial....
when i asked him if a lot of balinese people die of cancer,,,he said, " 1 in 1000"..i was so surprised at the fact....with one out of every 8 women in the west will have cancer....how in bali is it so low? and he said that he believes that the lifestyle of fresh food and fruits daily, with no MSG and buying and cooking each day just the quantity for that same day, no fridges and freezers and canned goods etc...probably helped keep everyone healthy...and so many just died at 80 of old age ....but that now that the west has influenced here too and everyone is into progress....cancer will also probably grow along with everything else.
so traffic is stopped by one of them in order to either go from the persons house, where the gamelon band of men has been sitting outside for a week playing special music that sounds heavenly in order to aid the soul to rise to join their deceased ancestors (poorer families use a recorded tape of the music which is played from dawn to dusk the entire time until the body is buried) to either the temple and then cemetery, or crematory, women are holding offerings, a man, bamboo for making a fire, the priest is on the megaphone from the temple reciting prayers and mantras informing the ancestors that someone is joining them soon, and also encouraging the villagers to help the soul rise....no dragging them down here to earth with crying and sadness...
yesterday it happened 3 times, causing our trip to take a little longer, but allowing us to witness much of the different parts of the ritual....including the big paper flower pagents (is that the word?!) decorating the entrance to the deceased house, the gamelon bank playing high tones including some bamboo flutes...a huge gold plated float for a wealthy woman,, and sadly seeing a man in the lead of the last procession holding a small bundle of batk material in his arms,,,with the dead baby inside. ( which touched home having been part of a similar funeral procession for an infant from yodfat once....may she rest in peace)
dewah explained that there are 4 parts to a funeral that are necessary in order for it to be complete: gamelon, song, offerings and prayer....if one is missing, then the funeral is not complete....
and only when the family has enough money can the body be removed from the cemetary (sometimes only symbolically, sometimes the actaul bones) and cremated and then the urn with the ashes is taken all over bali in the "journey of the soul" going to all the directions and all of the different regions (mountainous, valleys, seaside with temple ceremonies and finally ending up at the higherst temple physically and geographically, in bali, and from their the assurance that the soul will not have to be reincarnated again in this world...
all of this is the responsibility of the children towards their parents, the debt they owe to them and for this all their money is saved, in order to insure the huge costs of the burial ritual....so....no one is too busy thinking about going abroad here....too much money is needed just in order to save up for your parents burial....
when i asked him if a lot of balinese people die of cancer,,,he said, " 1 in 1000"..i was so surprised at the fact....with one out of every 8 women in the west will have cancer....how in bali is it so low? and he said that he believes that the lifestyle of fresh food and fruits daily, with no MSG and buying and cooking each day just the quantity for that same day, no fridges and freezers and canned goods etc...probably helped keep everyone healthy...and so many just died at 80 of old age ....but that now that the west has influenced here too and everyone is into progress....cancer will also probably grow along with everything else.
servants and masters
when we arrived at the new resort yesterday i suggested to dewah, the driver that took us (and who works at my resort and is my spiritual teacher of hinduism in bali whenever we are on a long journey or even when i need an answer for something...) if it is okay if we go in and have a drink before he and i start the return journey....
mistake number one! i am the master...he is the servant....why am i ASKING him if we can have a drink, instead of TELLING him that I am having a drink...
mistake number two: I Asked him if I can invite him for a drink and he said " I do not want to make it heavy for your purse, thank you." meaning that it will cost me money to treat him and he does not want me to be pressured by money....
mistake number three: i motioned to the table where my 2 friends and i were sitting down...as we all sat down my friend quickly suggested to let eileen sit looking opposite the sea since i will be leaving the place and they will be able to see the view everyday...so he immediately left our table and sat himself down at the table next to ours! we laughed and she said..."you too want a view of the sea?! come sit with us!!" he laughed and said no....but she insisted that he sit with us...and he HAD to obey, so he got up to sit with us.
I saw how he gave a quick look around to see if other drivers of visitors were looking at him sitting with us, uncomfortably.
driving in, the air conditioner was on full blast and it was such a lovely day, and i couldn't figure out why he does that...but the women were pleased....after they left the car and it was just he and i returning home, he set the air just on air and not cold, since he knows i don't like it...never a word said, just recognizing what the master likes and doing it, regardless of what he prefers...i want to open up the window. fine...but he warns me that there will be pollution ( a truck is up ahead of us) a few minutes later he announces "now no pollution" having overtaken the truck, and wanting me to have the open window i wanted...
shoes are left outside the entrance to the house....he always leaves his 2 steps further back then the owners shoes, when he goes there...out of respect....
every question or request is meticulously answered in full
but....when the cats away the mice will play.... since i am the only guest here at the moment, and the owners have gone away for 4 days then when no one is around or when no one is looking ....the kitchen staff (who are young kids in their early 20"s from the village working as chefs, cooks, waiters,) are all hanging out in the restaurant where there are pillows on the ground, and a huge pile of international fashion magazine, giggling and teasing and flirting and looking thru the magazines, sprawled out and having fun or inviting their friends to come down to the beach and juggle, or just take a stretch and look out at the sea from the sand,, BUT.............as soon as they see me returnign from a day out or headed in their direction from my place at the beach or from my room, oops....they all scuttle about and quickly rush to return everything to its place and go back into the back of the kitchen where they must spend all of their hours when they are not busy serving, cooking..(which since i am the only guest here, they are not too busy!!).
and when the owners are headed for the restaurant after having returned from a day in the city somewhere or even a few days(!) while they have just seen some nice looking coconuts to eat and are busy shimmying up the tree or trying to knock down a big ripe jackfruit with a tall bamboo pole to privately enjoy among the gardening and housekeeping staff at their nearby quarters while no one is looking, they have one of the security guards at the entrance quickly notify the staff that the owners have returned and then the coconuts are shyly kept to the side of their bodies until they have managed to cross paths....or if i happen to go in their direction to take my hoola hoop which i leave by their room so they can use it, then they quickly offer me the fruit to it.
for me it is so funny and strange...and uncomfortable...i would like us all to be equal...but we aren't....i am the wealthy guest who is going to fly to singapore for a few hours and then come back all just to renew my visa....and they have often never even left the north of bali!!i am the one that wakes up in the morning and leaves my room, and they come everyday and work freshening it up for an hour while i am eating, or swimming....smiling whenever i pass by, asking where i am going whenever i walk on the path...that is their JOB....
i like being served....And what is interesting is different place within that one can serve from...the young staff in the kitchen are doing it because it is their job and they have to....with dewah...it comes from a desire to serve, to humble himself towards other creatures of god...i can feel and appreciate his sincere intention.
mistake number one! i am the master...he is the servant....why am i ASKING him if we can have a drink, instead of TELLING him that I am having a drink...
mistake number two: I Asked him if I can invite him for a drink and he said " I do not want to make it heavy for your purse, thank you." meaning that it will cost me money to treat him and he does not want me to be pressured by money....
mistake number three: i motioned to the table where my 2 friends and i were sitting down...as we all sat down my friend quickly suggested to let eileen sit looking opposite the sea since i will be leaving the place and they will be able to see the view everyday...so he immediately left our table and sat himself down at the table next to ours! we laughed and she said..."you too want a view of the sea?! come sit with us!!" he laughed and said no....but she insisted that he sit with us...and he HAD to obey, so he got up to sit with us.
I saw how he gave a quick look around to see if other drivers of visitors were looking at him sitting with us, uncomfortably.
driving in, the air conditioner was on full blast and it was such a lovely day, and i couldn't figure out why he does that...but the women were pleased....after they left the car and it was just he and i returning home, he set the air just on air and not cold, since he knows i don't like it...never a word said, just recognizing what the master likes and doing it, regardless of what he prefers...i want to open up the window. fine...but he warns me that there will be pollution ( a truck is up ahead of us) a few minutes later he announces "now no pollution" having overtaken the truck, and wanting me to have the open window i wanted...
shoes are left outside the entrance to the house....he always leaves his 2 steps further back then the owners shoes, when he goes there...out of respect....
every question or request is meticulously answered in full
but....when the cats away the mice will play.... since i am the only guest here at the moment, and the owners have gone away for 4 days then when no one is around or when no one is looking ....the kitchen staff (who are young kids in their early 20"s from the village working as chefs, cooks, waiters,) are all hanging out in the restaurant where there are pillows on the ground, and a huge pile of international fashion magazine, giggling and teasing and flirting and looking thru the magazines, sprawled out and having fun or inviting their friends to come down to the beach and juggle, or just take a stretch and look out at the sea from the sand,, BUT.............as soon as they see me returnign from a day out or headed in their direction from my place at the beach or from my room, oops....they all scuttle about and quickly rush to return everything to its place and go back into the back of the kitchen where they must spend all of their hours when they are not busy serving, cooking..(which since i am the only guest here, they are not too busy!!).
and when the owners are headed for the restaurant after having returned from a day in the city somewhere or even a few days(!) while they have just seen some nice looking coconuts to eat and are busy shimmying up the tree or trying to knock down a big ripe jackfruit with a tall bamboo pole to privately enjoy among the gardening and housekeeping staff at their nearby quarters while no one is looking, they have one of the security guards at the entrance quickly notify the staff that the owners have returned and then the coconuts are shyly kept to the side of their bodies until they have managed to cross paths....or if i happen to go in their direction to take my hoola hoop which i leave by their room so they can use it, then they quickly offer me the fruit to it.
for me it is so funny and strange...and uncomfortable...i would like us all to be equal...but we aren't....i am the wealthy guest who is going to fly to singapore for a few hours and then come back all just to renew my visa....and they have often never even left the north of bali!!i am the one that wakes up in the morning and leaves my room, and they come everyday and work freshening it up for an hour while i am eating, or swimming....smiling whenever i pass by, asking where i am going whenever i walk on the path...that is their JOB....
i like being served....And what is interesting is different place within that one can serve from...the young staff in the kitchen are doing it because it is their job and they have to....with dewah...it comes from a desire to serve, to humble himself towards other creatures of god...i can feel and appreciate his sincere intention.
technicolor!
each morning after the sun has risen as i sit on my little porch journaling, i head off to the other direction to see the sea....what it has to say today...tide in? tide out? clear water? muddy water? strong waves? still and quiet? and it usually gives me a very clear message as i stand there looking at it; "Now's the time to take a walk." or "Why not practice tai chi on the shore today?" or "come back later and see if its swimming time" or like this morning when it said "come on out to snorkel! its now or never!!" so...after having just gotten dressed, i ran back to the room and got undressed and got on my bathing suit and snorkel, and sure enough, by the time i had gotten back, it already wasn't as still as it was 10 minutes before, but i saw the water was crystal clear (rare) and it will be just fine.
i am not a fan of being IN the sea....i am a fan of looking at the sea, feeling the waves and sand on my feet, watching it change, coming in and out, listening to the sea with its rhythmic pulse, watching the colors of it change as the day goes by...
but the water is a pleasant temperature, which already makes jumping in for a swim less of a challenge for me, since it is not such a shock of cold water. but i still have a childhood fear that there may be "something" (like a big fat long water snake just waiting to grab me....freudian?!) out there that i won't want touching me underneath the surface....but....just the remembering how totally amazing it will be to see colorful unbelievable fish and coral, gets me right in there without hesitating...
so off i head to the canyon out to the left...having spit on my mask, stuck it to my fast as best i could, making sure not a single hair on my head is caught inside of it which lends itself to water slowly drizzling in and forcing me to remove the mask midway at sea to empty it out and try again....so there also is always a kind of small fear that while i am trying to get it back on again i won't succeed to stay afloat and use both hands to put the mask back on me
out at sea...so...i try and swim out right to the best spot as fast as i can to beat the race of who wins, the water silently slipping into my mask or me getting to see the fish and coral before my nose cannot stay above the water level in the mask...kind of crazy...but that's me and snorkeling at the present...
the first signs of me going in the right direction ( since my head is underwater and i am guessing i am headed out to the west...) is a lovely blue starfish....ahh...headed for the reef, all is well....then the teeny tiny electric blue fish start appearing, and then the colored corals in mauve, pink, blue, yellow green, grey, ...but this is not yet the technicolor....for they are kind of muted....but then begin the "schools" of fish...some in stars and stripes like an american flag (seriously!) just the stars are black, or the lovely yellow and black striped one with a long dagger shape coming off of its back in white, or the angry looking one with dark frowning eyebrows, or the fish that looks like he's smiling, or the magnificent grey and blue spotted one with pink lips, or the brownish one that when he moves his gills reveals turquoise, or the silver ones that look almost see thru with a big black oval an the side, or the white ones that slowly fade into black by the time you reach their tail, or the rainbow colored one, or the parrot ones full of fluorescent colors,..and i wish i could remember the other 20 that i saw...i keep trying to give myself imaginary flash cards so by the time i get to the laptop i will remember how to describe them all....
and this morning while i was just floating there, above them all amazed at this technicolor show of beauty, grace and creation by our creator, all just hidden there underneath the surface of the sea, i started to feel pin pricks here and there...hmm...who or what is that?! and suddenly i realized that floating around me in the sea are minute see thru pink newly born jelllyfish....and their little sting as we touch each other is that pin prick sensation...
just then i started feeling how the water level for my nose and the sneaking water into my mask are just the sign i need to tell me that i have had my technicolor show for the day....say thank you and head back....
so thank you magnificent creator for this underwater world that i can easily ignore as i sit on the shore looking out at the surface.....
i am not a fan of being IN the sea....i am a fan of looking at the sea, feeling the waves and sand on my feet, watching it change, coming in and out, listening to the sea with its rhythmic pulse, watching the colors of it change as the day goes by...
but the water is a pleasant temperature, which already makes jumping in for a swim less of a challenge for me, since it is not such a shock of cold water. but i still have a childhood fear that there may be "something" (like a big fat long water snake just waiting to grab me....freudian?!) out there that i won't want touching me underneath the surface....but....just the remembering how totally amazing it will be to see colorful unbelievable fish and coral, gets me right in there without hesitating...
so off i head to the canyon out to the left...having spit on my mask, stuck it to my fast as best i could, making sure not a single hair on my head is caught inside of it which lends itself to water slowly drizzling in and forcing me to remove the mask midway at sea to empty it out and try again....so there also is always a kind of small fear that while i am trying to get it back on again i won't succeed to stay afloat and use both hands to put the mask back on me
out at sea...so...i try and swim out right to the best spot as fast as i can to beat the race of who wins, the water silently slipping into my mask or me getting to see the fish and coral before my nose cannot stay above the water level in the mask...kind of crazy...but that's me and snorkeling at the present...
the first signs of me going in the right direction ( since my head is underwater and i am guessing i am headed out to the west...) is a lovely blue starfish....ahh...headed for the reef, all is well....then the teeny tiny electric blue fish start appearing, and then the colored corals in mauve, pink, blue, yellow green, grey, ...but this is not yet the technicolor....for they are kind of muted....but then begin the "schools" of fish...some in stars and stripes like an american flag (seriously!) just the stars are black, or the lovely yellow and black striped one with a long dagger shape coming off of its back in white, or the angry looking one with dark frowning eyebrows, or the fish that looks like he's smiling, or the magnificent grey and blue spotted one with pink lips, or the brownish one that when he moves his gills reveals turquoise, or the silver ones that look almost see thru with a big black oval an the side, or the white ones that slowly fade into black by the time you reach their tail, or the rainbow colored one, or the parrot ones full of fluorescent colors,..and i wish i could remember the other 20 that i saw...i keep trying to give myself imaginary flash cards so by the time i get to the laptop i will remember how to describe them all....
and this morning while i was just floating there, above them all amazed at this technicolor show of beauty, grace and creation by our creator, all just hidden there underneath the surface of the sea, i started to feel pin pricks here and there...hmm...who or what is that?! and suddenly i realized that floating around me in the sea are minute see thru pink newly born jelllyfish....and their little sting as we touch each other is that pin prick sensation...
just then i started feeling how the water level for my nose and the sneaking water into my mask are just the sign i need to tell me that i have had my technicolor show for the day....say thank you and head back....
so thank you magnificent creator for this underwater world that i can easily ignore as i sit on the shore looking out at the surface.....
Thursday, January 27, 2011
rounds
i have 3 music teachers here at the moment,,,,i am playing on an "onkelon" which is a bamboo chime that comes in all different scales for all different occasions, with the gardener and with his son the security guard here *who happens to have a dragon tattoo that goes all the way around his back and chest...as long as we are talking about "rounds". I am also learning with the gardeners uncle who is head of the womens gamelon orchestra for the temple...and that is on a gamelon made of metal that rings very loud and is played with a little wooden hammer.
every day i hang out by the sea with my onkelon, every now and then trying to learn one of the songs they have taught me, or just trying to figure out western tunes on it, or just clanging around with it. whenever the gardener or the guard are in the area, they pick up the bamboo sticks and suddenly play a little tune. I immediately grab my camera and make a little video of it so i can later try and learn it by listening to it about 100 times and copying it slowly slowly slowly until i think i've got it!
the m
usic is hypnotic....it is like eating cookies, each time saying; this is the last one! and then taking one more...so each time they or i finish playing the rhythm, there is something there that just begs to do it again, because it is a "round"...it just starts all over again and goes on forever and ever.and today after i had practiced a long time repeating again and again the rhythm and trying to "get it right"! i decided to take a break, and i picked up my hoola hoop and started to hoop on the beach....and it made me laugh...because it is all the same....everything i do goes around and around and around...and i realized that it really kind of sums up bali, this "round" music, and the cyclic way of life and ritual ( and what comes to mind is also the jewish wedding ceremony, and rings and simchat torah, and israeli dancing hora ) and i just kind of felt that there is something very feminine here in bali....this roundness to life, as compared to a linear western world....
and often when i am working so hard trying to decipher what the rhythm is, and i think "whats the big deal? If someone was playing Tchaikovsky it would also be difficult learning each hand and the speed of the fingers and each hand doing something different...what are you so in awe about their music?!" and there is just a feeling that it nourishes an entirely different place in the body because of its' cyclical nature....the soothingness of a "round" when we sing rounds....and the only actual changes are just the speed or the loudness of it, as this balinese music repeats very complicated rhythms that make one whole going round and round and just slowing it down or doing it quietly or the opposite.
so i feel that there is that same magic that the potters wheel had for me going round and round and making round vessels, and then turning myself round round round inside the hoop and making these round hoops and putting the colored tapes around and around a
nd around so it matches up to where i started it, and then making bouquets of flowers based on a spiral going round and round and round with repetitive groupings of flowers which in the end make a round bouquet, it is now the gamelon, and repeating these interesting melodies that go round and round and have a little "twist" to them just before they begin again...another interesting thing that i experienced was how the gardener always plays something that is way over my head....and it is such a challenge, and makes absolutely no sense whatsoever when i hear it....just a million notes all resembling each other in a million rhythms that it is impossible to figure out what the count of it is....and to even differentiate what the notes were! but it forces me to go beyond my limits more and more and after listening 30 times or more, i start to recognize something, a note here, or there, and play along, and then another note is added, and i try not to figure it out with my mind, but just allow myself to be led through it...and after a few hours i have succeeded in recognizing a few of the parts of it...and don't believe it! that from that incomprehensible slew of notes it begins to make some sense, and by the next day...i am playing along with it exactly and then letting go of the recording i have made and begin to play it
solo....without thinking or looking at what i am doing...just letting what my body discovered, come rolling out...and it helps me believe in rav laitman when we read the zohar every morning, and he says to just listen and see the letters and don't try and understand anything and just make an effort to unite with the group and through the desire to unite a vessel will be created in which the light can fill it and the zohar will be revealed, not by your minds, but by the desire to unite into one vessel with the others....and just seeing how impossible it is to understand the music, and just by listening again and again without thinking ,but with a desire for it to reveal itself, suddenly what was hidden is revealed....
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Bits and pieces
lots of things have been happening over the past couple of days so the time has come to put hand to "key" and blog 'em....
my day revolves alot around what the sea is doing...at the moment it is jumping high in the sky crashing against the shore and high tide...so that for me means...enjoy it from afar visually and acoustically and save the snorkeling and the swimming for a quieter time...and the walking along the sand to the nearby village for low tide...
and yesterday in the morning it was quite low so instead of having my fruit plate for breakfast, i decided to take advantage of the wide shore that was revealed and would allow free access to the otherwise obstacle course of walking along the coast...so off i went, flip flops in hand with my water bottle and camera to discover unknown territory....and there was lots to discover, as i shared in the photos of it all yesterday (picasa; a walk along the beach)...
most amazing was to see how simple people can live....a mattress, and 4 bamboo walls surrounding it with a door to get in and out...that is called a house! even when i was walking back along the main road there was a little kiosk, and i always take a peek, and i saw a dressing table from afar, and then the bed, and realized that this w
oman lives in the kiosk, just opens up the front of her house, which has a bed, and sell the stuff a meter from her bed...also the "pet shop" selling the fish for the aquarium in little plastic bags hanging from the motorbike was cute!
a sign saying incense, caught my attention so i decided to walk down the narrow path until i reached an entrance to a courtyard, and walked in and found in whatever
direction i looked a woman or two or a man, making or packaging incense....i asked if i could photograph, in sign language, and he sign languaged me to the "factory"....a smallish dark open room with 5 women standing in booths with brown powder on their shelf, dipping red pained bamboo sticks in clusters of about 100 into the powder that was sticking to the ends of the sticks that they had previously dipped in some liquid glue i assume...i just love seeing how things are made...and they were all happy to pose for me, and then as i walked out i saw them packaging it right there too...
after that i went by a new bakery, not a popular thing here in bali, they don't eat much sweets...and there were great birthday cakes....i asked if i could photograph them...she was a bit hesitant, and asked what i am going to do with the photos?! and i said; show to my friends in israel how lovely the cakes you make here in bali! so she agreed...it was a bakery that she opened up 6 months ago...i wished her luck...
it was interesting that the only only only person i have met here in bali that even knows that "is-ra-ale" is a country, was a poor fellow living in the bamboo hut, that was trying to get me to go on a fishing boat or dolphin trip so he could earn some money...i passed him and his neighbors on the shore yesterday as they were all 5 pushing the narrow fishing boats onto shore....i offered to help, since there was an old woman at least my age helping too, and they accepted and so we were 6 pushing and lifting and placing the boat in safe keeping from the waves to come...afterwards he invited me to sit down and talk a bit, and when he asked where i am from and i again said slowly : is rah ale"...he said "oh! very complicated there! bombings! very complicated! all the people fighting all the time!" i was so happy that someone had finally heard of the place! i asked him how he knew, and he said he watches tv by his friends and has seen news broadcasts....he also spoke excellent english...and so so poor.....
another stop along the way as i walked past many shops that i have passed on the motorbike trips, but never walked by since they were quite far, was a workshop for making the cement altar decorations...wow..that was amazing...i thought that they were cast in molds wi
th the cement...but not at all!! young men are squatting for 8 hours or more, without any lighting ,, opposite a basic shape of cement that is dry enough to allow it to be carved with a long thin trimming tool very exquisitely! almost like paper cutting designs...and layer after layer of sketching and then removing the unnecessary cement until he gets a lovely 3 dimensional leaf or whatever....just lovely watching such excellent workmanship!
2 more short stories....one, that while i have excellent gamelon players here working at the resort as guards and gardeners, they are not teachers...so they don't know how to teach me, they just know how to show me and expect me to be able to remember a complicated 60 note song after 4 times of demonstrating it at lightening speed....and i prayed,,,,and suddenly when we were going to learn a new song, i heard a voice that said: take the camera and video it and then you can learn it from that! wow...and that is what i did, and then played it back 100 times while listening and slowly attempting to play along with it, and finally being able to play it alone! a miracle ...i can never believe when they first play the melodies that i will ever ever ever even be able to decipher the tune! and then an hour later, it all makes sense after practice practice, practice ...nice!
and last of all is that my balinese seamstress that went with me to pick out the brocade material for a few blouses last week and promised to have them ready in a week, actually showed up with all 3 of them, and they are lovely, and it is so nice to have blouses that fit! so i am all set for any ceremony they throw at me!! let me at 'em!
having fun....
my day revolves alot around what the sea is doing...at the moment it is jumping high in the sky crashing against the shore and high tide...so that for me means...enjoy it from afar visually and acoustically and save the snorkeling and the swimming for a quieter time...and the walking along the sand to the nearby village for low tide...
and yesterday in the morning it was quite low so instead of having my fruit plate for breakfast, i decided to take advantage of the wide shore that was revealed and would allow free access to the otherwise obstacle course of walking along the coast...so off i went, flip flops in hand with my water bottle and camera to discover unknown territory....and there was lots to discover, as i shared in the photos of it all yesterday (picasa; a walk along the beach)...
most amazing was to see how simple people can live....a mattress, and 4 bamboo walls surrounding it with a door to get in and out...that is called a house! even when i was walking back along the main road there was a little kiosk, and i always take a peek, and i saw a dressing table from afar, and then the bed, and realized that this w
oman lives in the kiosk, just opens up the front of her house, which has a bed, and sell the stuff a meter from her bed...also the "pet shop" selling the fish for the aquarium in little plastic bags hanging from the motorbike was cute!a sign saying incense, caught my attention so i decided to walk down the narrow path until i reached an entrance to a courtyard, and walked in and found in whatever
direction i looked a woman or two or a man, making or packaging incense....i asked if i could photograph, in sign language, and he sign languaged me to the "factory"....a smallish dark open room with 5 women standing in booths with brown powder on their shelf, dipping red pained bamboo sticks in clusters of about 100 into the powder that was sticking to the ends of the sticks that they had previously dipped in some liquid glue i assume...i just love seeing how things are made...and they were all happy to pose for me, and then as i walked out i saw them packaging it right there too...
after that i went by a new bakery, not a popular thing here in bali, they don't eat much sweets...and there were great birthday cakes....i asked if i could photograph them...she was a bit hesitant, and asked what i am going to do with the photos?! and i said; show to my friends in israel how lovely the cakes you make here in bali! so she agreed...it was a bakery that she opened up 6 months ago...i wished her luck...
it was interesting that the only only only person i have met here in bali that even knows that "is-ra-ale" is a country, was a poor fellow living in the bamboo hut, that was trying to get me to go on a fishing boat or dolphin trip so he could earn some money...i passed him and his neighbors on the shore yesterday as they were all 5 pushing the narrow fishing boats onto shore....i offered to help, since there was an old woman at least my age helping too, and they accepted and so we were 6 pushing and lifting and placing the boat in safe keeping from the waves to come...afterwards he invited me to sit down and talk a bit, and when he asked where i am from and i again said slowly : is rah ale"...he said "oh! very complicated there! bombings! very complicated! all the people fighting all the time!" i was so happy that someone had finally heard of the place! i asked him how he knew, and he said he watches tv by his friends and has seen news broadcasts....he also spoke excellent english...and so so poor.....
another stop along the way as i walked past many shops that i have passed on the motorbike trips, but never walked by since they were quite far, was a workshop for making the cement altar decorations...wow..that was amazing...i thought that they were cast in molds wi
th the cement...but not at all!! young men are squatting for 8 hours or more, without any lighting ,, opposite a basic shape of cement that is dry enough to allow it to be carved with a long thin trimming tool very exquisitely! almost like paper cutting designs...and layer after layer of sketching and then removing the unnecessary cement until he gets a lovely 3 dimensional leaf or whatever....just lovely watching such excellent workmanship!2 more short stories....one, that while i have excellent gamelon players here working at the resort as guards and gardeners, they are not teachers...so they don't know how to teach me, they just know how to show me and expect me to be able to remember a complicated 60 note song after 4 times of demonstrating it at lightening speed....and i prayed,,,,and suddenly when we were going to learn a new song, i heard a voice that said: take the camera and video it and then you can learn it from that! wow...and that is what i did, and then played it back 100 times while listening and slowly attempting to play along with it, and finally being able to play it alone! a miracle ...i can never believe when they first play the melodies that i will ever ever ever even be able to decipher the tune! and then an hour later, it all makes sense after practice practice, practice ...nice!
and last of all is that my balinese seamstress that went with me to pick out the brocade material for a few blouses last week and promised to have them ready in a week, actually showed up with all 3 of them, and they are lovely, and it is so nice to have blouses that fit! so i am all set for any ceremony they throw at me!! let me at 'em!
having fun....
Sunday, January 23, 2011
a day in seminyak
caspar and joni, the owners here, "go down south" (a 3 hour ride to the southern coast) every now and then....and this time i was invited to take advantage of the chance and go with them since i needed to see a travel agent there, and thought that it would be interesting to see another part of bali that i have not yet spent time in.
the ride starts from the north coast where i am and begins to climb the tropical forest mountain ranges of the center of bali, and then winds down thru more forests again to the south. It is the route i take each time to and from the airport and ubud, so i have seen it, but each time at a different time of day and season, so it is always interesting. especially seeing little kids walking to school on this narrow winding steep road with motorbikes and cars and trucks going in each direction...and they are right there on the road, at 6:30 in the morning walking to school, which is located on the hanging slopes of the mountainside. no one seems too concerned about danger...and as busy and fast as everyone is overtaking each other, there is an easiness about it all....tu tu tu haven't seen any accidents...and that is amazing...
we stopped for breakfast at a roadside place that overlooks magnificent rolling mountains with rice and vegetable fields, and lakes with mist covering the opposite mountain peaks. the rice and egg meal was served on a piece of paper placed in a little straw basket...so no need for washing dishes!
a few hours later we reached the congested area of the city! full of boutiques and bars, and wholesale shops and surfers and foreigners...no sign of rice fields and village life here! and for the next 6 hours i roamed the streets, realizing that this too is bali! tons of tattooed old and young men with surf boards on motorbikes, at least a hundred of them in the morning waves riding them as best they could, and tons of tourists sunning on the beach beds or getting a massage or their ears and toes cleaned, or the hawkers selling hats (which reminded me of the story of the hat seller and the monkeys on the
tree that stole them all ) and kites and sunglasses and ice cream....it was very interesting...i stood there for quite a while slowly realizing that a surfer is always going to get hit by a wave and fall off the board. period. no matter how good he is and how long he has ridden the wave, the end is, crash into the waves, board flips up and they head over into the huge wave, and then swim out a little and up again....what an interesting way to approach life!the streets were less interesting, after a few attempts at bargaining just for the fun of it with the prices outrageous since it is for tourists....insane...
but a fun relief from it all was a nice vegetarian restaurant, whos' motto is: nothing with a face or a mother" and is called..."ZULA" owned by an israeli woman....so that felt like home, more like home in ann arbor, with that same funky atmosphere of all wood tables, blackboards with chalk funky printing of the daily specials all in english and all organic and healthy. and shelves filled with himalaya products and dr. bronners magic soap and weleda creams etc...naturally i felt at home and bought all the things i need or may need and especially some tehina to pour over my daily salad, and some organic flaxseed and pumpkin seeds and sea salt...ahh...felt like a new woman this afternoon when i had all of that on my food again...just the touch i needed to feel healthy and satisfied here....grateful...
i took a few photos of fashion boutique windows and even asked one of the saleswomen in the shakuachi boutique that was...sweeping...if i could photograph her, since she was wearing this amazing dress that looks as if someone took some afek
material and just knotted it around their body...great...also another photo of how all the sellers in these exclusive boutiques still prefer "moms home made cooking" rather than the fancy western restaurants and hotels all around and awaited the woman that walks with the big aluminum bowl on her head from boutique to boutique selling little plastic bags filled with all kinds of typical balinese snacks, whether a thin slice of watermelon, or some spicy chicken bits or a hot curry spinach treat....all costing a few cents...
by the time we got thru the traffic jam on our way out of the city, i was happy to be returning to rice fields and a quiet sea and beach, and village life...appreciating it all even more!
the full moon ceremony and initiation
i see i have had to allow a few days to pass before i could begin to write about the gamelon performance and initiation ceremony at the temple last week...i think it was so intense that i needed to get some distance from it...
so now, back to a simple quiet rhythm again, without rehearsals every night...and feeling the "lack" it is possible to begin to put it into words..
we were invited to be there at 3 to pray and at 4 to play, and then go home...when we (2 guests here at the resort that i invited) arrived...we found "workmen" (villagers/musicians) on the pavillion with strips of palm leaf that they were cutting with little razors or cutting knives into intricate designs thru many layers...and then hanging them from the ceiling as decorations, like crepe paper in the western world...so balinese time is flexible...
slowly women from the gamelon orchestra began to arrive, each one with an offering that she was carrying on her head, either in colorful straw baskets or on trays; fruits, rice, cakes, incense, flowers....and they placed them near the pavillion...and later inside the inner courtyard of the temple where the altars are....
we were busy taking photos, and they agreed to pose and were full of giggles and joy. always...they all joined in in finishing the decorations and then we were invited to perform...the "guests" were the other villagers, who had also slowly strolled in with their offerings, and casually sat on the edge of the "stage" or on the steps of the temple, kids running around dressed in their holiday clothes, men with white shirts and yellow satin material wrapped around their waists, and a white band on their foreheads...the celebration was the full moon.
when i asked my spiritual advisor dewah why we celebrating the full moon, he said: there are those that say that when there is a full bright light in the sky it is easier to connect thru it to god. there is a lot of light making an open path to communicate. there is also the dark moon celebration ." I "corrected him" and said New Moon....and he continued " when it is dark in the sky, it also allows a special communication with god, since there are no other lights grabbing our attention in all different directions, others may tell you other explanations..this is the one i know." i liked his!
all 18 women sat down in their white blouses at the musical instruments and we began to play the 5 songs we had been practicing (they for 3 months, me for 4 days)....it was all very casual, mistakes were made, giggles and talking and all very nonchalant, people getting up and walking around and coming and going, kids running around, and us, playing ... when we finished the leader said lets do it again...so we did...this time a little better....meanwhile everyone had wandered into the inner temple courtyard and were sitting on mats on the ground...the men on a raised platform on the side, women and children on the ground. when we all entered one by one through the narrow entrance way, the priest shooed us out and said that first we need to purify our bodies since we are now in the gamelon temple womens orchestra...so we all filed out and went to the entrance of the temple where the priest sat on a mat on the ground with all the symbolic waters and flowers, and things...2 priestesses were assisting in getting it all organized....again very casual, one saying one thing, the other saying that it should be different...all easy going, laughter, and as if inventing it all anew each time...(probably like in the synagogue in yodfat ...)
and as we stood in a semi circle 2 rows deep, there was non stop laughter chatting, cell phones ringing, looking at photos of the cell phone, handing cameras to people to photograph us, and it left me a little confused....here we were, going through a special purification of the body ceremony and it didn't seem in the least bit special or demanding of any attention...giggle giggle, push, laugh, talk, all happy and easy, including the conductor/teacher...the priest and priestesses meanwhile were making their rounds doing the actions and blessings on each one of us....i was trying to be attentive and focused, but thought that maybe that is not the intention, even though it was what i felt inside of me...i kept looking around for at least one other person that chose to be silent and attentive....but it was only me and the gardener/musician so at least i knew it was an option if he too was doing it...there was something very nice about the easygoingness of it all...and most of the women were in their 30's and 40's...so only me and another one were grannies...
after the 45 minute ceremony we entered the temple grounds, sat down on the mats, and again lots of prayers and water and rice and incense and chants, and all the women, chatting giggling, leaning on each other, cell phones...and then there were 5 men that spoke one after the other...standing up with a microphone and speaking in a very sincere, quiet, attentive manner, each one for quite a long time, looking out at the 8 rows of women and children and speaking....again, i was the lone one that was listening, even though it was all in balinese...i watched them and "heard" a running commentary in my head of exactly what they were saying but in kabbalah terms....i have no explanation for this, i just know this is what happened for the entire hour....i knew they were saying important things and that i now am familiar with those things, and that it is all one, and thank god i have been exposed to this wisdom...
the gardener/musician was the last to speak, and i wished i could have really understood what he was saying , because he was speaking about the power of the gamelon music and the transformation that playing the music does to the person playing ....(asked my girlfriend what he spoke about and that is what she said and also what i felt...)
what was interesting for me was that not one of the men that spoke (mayor, former mayor, village leaders....) seemed at all annoyed or concerned that no one was listening attentively...they continued in their sincere quiet manner (without reading any notes) to speak, and everyone else was quietly speaking too the entire time....it was very admirable...as if they know that this is the level of the people at the present time, and not to demand any more than they can give...just like not expecting a child to stand perfectly still if he is in kindergarten...by first grade you can already start encouraging and teaching him how to stand quietly, but before that, it is understood that it is still too early, and together with that, maybe something is sinking in in any case...
afterwards everyone went out, and we played all the songs again one more time, i think as "purified gamelon players" this time! and then had a little meal together on a mat spread out...and out of a big plastic box the women handed out "carry out" balinese food: a little shallow bowl made from banana leaves weaved together, containing a few spoonfuls of rice and some spicy pieces of chicken which one eats with their fingers. i love seeing these natural solutions to picnics, instead of paper plates and plastic silverware and all the bags of garbage afterwards...here, there was no garbage...i all just recycles itself!
and when my driver took me home he told me that now there will be 2 weeks vacation from rehersals....oh....i was so sad....how could they?! (they were after 3 intensive months, me just 4 days and hungry for more of the 3 hour nightly playing) and as i walked to the room, sad and disappointed that after all that, the remaining time i have here in bali will not be during full moons, and i will only be at one rehearsal before i leave for the hoop retreat in march, since i am supposed to be back in israel for february.... and a few hours later i received an email saying that the planned bat nitzvah that i was returning to israel for, was postponed until april....at first i was angry, about the wasted money on a ticket and everything...and by the following morning, when i woke up i realized that i received exactly what i wanted...to be here for more gamelon orchestra temple music playing! what a shock that was to see how instead of seeing the positive hidden side of it, there i was concentrating on being a victim...
it has been a slow process over the past couple of days of accepting reality and being grateful and letting go of what was supposed to be, and remembering that everything is perfect exactly how it is at this very moment,
the women that came to the temple with me photographed the performance...and it was very interesting hearing and seeing it the following day on the laptop....it had absolutely no similarity to the magnificence and power and music that i heard and felt as we played....a pale shadow of reality....but a nice memento...
so now, back to a simple quiet rhythm again, without rehearsals every night...and feeling the "lack" it is possible to begin to put it into words..
we were invited to be there at 3 to pray and at 4 to play, and then go home...when we (2 guests here at the resort that i invited) arrived...we found "workmen" (villagers/musicians) on the pavillion with strips of palm leaf that they were cutting with little razors or cutting knives into intricate designs thru many layers...and then hanging them from the ceiling as decorations, like crepe paper in the western world...so balinese time is flexible...
slowly women from the gamelon orchestra began to arrive, each one with an offering that she was carrying on her head, either in colorful straw baskets or on trays; fruits, rice, cakes, incense, flowers....and they placed them near the pavillion...and later inside the inner courtyard of the temple where the altars are....
we were busy taking photos, and they agreed to pose and were full of giggles and joy. always...they all joined in in finishing the decorations and then we were invited to perform...the "guests" were the other villagers, who had also slowly strolled in with their offerings, and casually sat on the edge of the "stage" or on the steps of the temple, kids running around dressed in their holiday clothes, men with white shirts and yellow satin material wrapped around their waists, and a white band on their foreheads...the celebration was the full moon.
when i asked my spiritual advisor dewah why we celebrating the full moon, he said: there are those that say that when there is a full bright light in the sky it is easier to connect thru it to god. there is a lot of light making an open path to communicate. there is also the dark moon celebration ." I "corrected him" and said New Moon....and he continued " when it is dark in the sky, it also allows a special communication with god, since there are no other lights grabbing our attention in all different directions, others may tell you other explanations..this is the one i know." i liked his!
all 18 women sat down in their white blouses at the musical instruments and we began to play the 5 songs we had been practicing (they for 3 months, me for 4 days)....it was all very casual, mistakes were made, giggles and talking and all very nonchalant, people getting up and walking around and coming and going, kids running around, and us, playing ... when we finished the leader said lets do it again...so we did...this time a little better....meanwhile everyone had wandered into the inner temple courtyard and were sitting on mats on the ground...the men on a raised platform on the side, women and children on the ground. when we all entered one by one through the narrow entrance way, the priest shooed us out and said that first we need to purify our bodies since we are now in the gamelon temple womens orchestra...so we all filed out and went to the entrance of the temple where the priest sat on a mat on the ground with all the symbolic waters and flowers, and things...2 priestesses were assisting in getting it all organized....again very casual, one saying one thing, the other saying that it should be different...all easy going, laughter, and as if inventing it all anew each time...(probably like in the synagogue in yodfat ...)
and as we stood in a semi circle 2 rows deep, there was non stop laughter chatting, cell phones ringing, looking at photos of the cell phone, handing cameras to people to photograph us, and it left me a little confused....here we were, going through a special purification of the body ceremony and it didn't seem in the least bit special or demanding of any attention...giggle giggle, push, laugh, talk, all happy and easy, including the conductor/teacher...the priest and priestesses meanwhile were making their rounds doing the actions and blessings on each one of us....i was trying to be attentive and focused, but thought that maybe that is not the intention, even though it was what i felt inside of me...i kept looking around for at least one other person that chose to be silent and attentive....but it was only me and the gardener/musician so at least i knew it was an option if he too was doing it...there was something very nice about the easygoingness of it all...and most of the women were in their 30's and 40's...so only me and another one were grannies...
after the 45 minute ceremony we entered the temple grounds, sat down on the mats, and again lots of prayers and water and rice and incense and chants, and all the women, chatting giggling, leaning on each other, cell phones...and then there were 5 men that spoke one after the other...standing up with a microphone and speaking in a very sincere, quiet, attentive manner, each one for quite a long time, looking out at the 8 rows of women and children and speaking....again, i was the lone one that was listening, even though it was all in balinese...i watched them and "heard" a running commentary in my head of exactly what they were saying but in kabbalah terms....i have no explanation for this, i just know this is what happened for the entire hour....i knew they were saying important things and that i now am familiar with those things, and that it is all one, and thank god i have been exposed to this wisdom...
the gardener/musician was the last to speak, and i wished i could have really understood what he was saying , because he was speaking about the power of the gamelon music and the transformation that playing the music does to the person playing ....(asked my girlfriend what he spoke about and that is what she said and also what i felt...)
what was interesting for me was that not one of the men that spoke (mayor, former mayor, village leaders....) seemed at all annoyed or concerned that no one was listening attentively...they continued in their sincere quiet manner (without reading any notes) to speak, and everyone else was quietly speaking too the entire time....it was very admirable...as if they know that this is the level of the people at the present time, and not to demand any more than they can give...just like not expecting a child to stand perfectly still if he is in kindergarten...by first grade you can already start encouraging and teaching him how to stand quietly, but before that, it is understood that it is still too early, and together with that, maybe something is sinking in in any case...
afterwards everyone went out, and we played all the songs again one more time, i think as "purified gamelon players" this time! and then had a little meal together on a mat spread out...and out of a big plastic box the women handed out "carry out" balinese food: a little shallow bowl made from banana leaves weaved together, containing a few spoonfuls of rice and some spicy pieces of chicken which one eats with their fingers. i love seeing these natural solutions to picnics, instead of paper plates and plastic silverware and all the bags of garbage afterwards...here, there was no garbage...i all just recycles itself!
and when my driver took me home he told me that now there will be 2 weeks vacation from rehersals....oh....i was so sad....how could they?! (they were after 3 intensive months, me just 4 days and hungry for more of the 3 hour nightly playing) and as i walked to the room, sad and disappointed that after all that, the remaining time i have here in bali will not be during full moons, and i will only be at one rehearsal before i leave for the hoop retreat in march, since i am supposed to be back in israel for february.... and a few hours later i received an email saying that the planned bat nitzvah that i was returning to israel for, was postponed until april....at first i was angry, about the wasted money on a ticket and everything...and by the following morning, when i woke up i realized that i received exactly what i wanted...to be here for more gamelon orchestra temple music playing! what a shock that was to see how instead of seeing the positive hidden side of it, there i was concentrating on being a victim...
it has been a slow process over the past couple of days of accepting reality and being grateful and letting go of what was supposed to be, and remembering that everything is perfect exactly how it is at this very moment,
the women that came to the temple with me photographed the performance...and it was very interesting hearing and seeing it the following day on the laptop....it had absolutely no similarity to the magnificence and power and music that i heard and felt as we played....a pale shadow of reality....but a nice memento...
Friday, January 21, 2011
buying a white blouse
it started off with the woman sitting next to me on tuesday night at the end of the gamelon practice, telling me that the following day is a full moon ceremony and all the musicians wear white shirts and white sashes ( the sash is kind of like wearing a tie with a suit...it shows that we are serious!
so off i went the next morning in search of a white Kabiya, which is the tailor fitted long sleeved and longish blouses the women here wear...usually from a brocade and see thru and a girdle underneath it that is part of the "look" on TOP of the sarong...
most balinese are built much smaller than me...so i already knew it was pretty much mission impossible, but armed with my new understanding of buying skills (caspar said: know what the price you are willing to pay, they will "feel" that and there will not be a problem of them screwing you , but if you are wishy washy they will know that too and put a high price" and budie telling me "think before buying. go to 3 stores so you know what the price is approximately, and then go back and buy what you want and bargain for it." which is all good advice as far as making any purchase in life!)
so off i went with an imaginary figure in my mind ($8) and went into my 3 tourist trap shops to get an idea of prices of things i had already bought other places so i knew how much they cost..so a mere 200% markup price is what everything was going for...so that gave me permission to start below the belt....but where oh where are we going to find a white blouse MY size? and the sellers so much want to make a sale, that they hop on their motorbike and drive around town looking for just what you asked for....and off she went, coming back every 10 minutes with another something to try on, and her neighbors were also searching for what i needed and mine came on her motorbike with a white brocade, see thru for me, even bigger than my size, but it thought : beggars can't be choosers....i need a white blouse in another 4 hours and she just ran around town after i had also been in half the town and couldn't find one my size, take it....it wasn't flattering, but...beggars can't be choosers,...and her neighbor ran over with 2 more, one cream and one white just as i was about to close the deal knowing that...beggars can't be choosers...but while that kept going on in my brain, another voice from the day before was caspars saying "ALWAYS listen to your intuition." hmmm...i don't like this blouse, i don't look nice in this blouse, but it is a white blouse ...and when i saw the other 2 blouses i decided to try them on, and the cream was so beautiful and a perfect fit and i looked like a princess....what a difference....but its creammm, not white...hmmm,,,,kept looking in the mirror and imagining that it is white, but it's cream...but with my sarong it will probably "look" white, and another voice saying.."don't rush into things you will find the white blouse...and how will you feel if you get to the temple and everyone is in white and you are in cream because you didn't TRUST, Patience! hmmm..and then i tried on the white one...nice too!! brocaded cotton, not see through and a good fit...but full of stains and stinking from moth balls...what a disappointment...how can i buy a blouse that has brown and pink and green marks all over it??! and she said.."no, i will clean it for you now. it will all come out." who is she kidding?! how can those colors come out? "wait here" so i wait and wait and keep wearing the cream blouse and seeing how beautiful i look in it...and while i am still trying to convince myself that it is "almost white" and the saleswomans' husband is sitting on the street watching me as i keep looking in the mirror and wondering whether it is white...maybe...
and suddenly a young thin balinese woman flies by on her motorbike wearing a beautiful white brocade blouse, and i laugh how god always gives me messages, so THAT is called a white blouse...and not what i am wearing! and i glance over at the husband and he smiles and nods his head agreeing with me, that yes, that is what you are looking for...
wait wait wait, and finally the neighbor saleswoman returns with a wet blouse but almost no stains! " i took alcohol and you see it is clean" almost...except for all the stains she didn't notice...and i decide that this is my chance...offer my $8 price for this since it is stained and lets go...
when i did, she nearly had a fit! $8 for a white brocade blouse, are you crazy?! and i just continued to say that is my price, take it or leave it, it is stained and that's what its worth...she took it...and i ended up buying the cream one too...it was so pretty! another $8! and a few t-shirts for the kids that i already knew how much they should cost, so all the drama of bargaining was gone for them....they saw i knew what i wanted and at what price and they just gave it to me, and i thanked them and left...
and...after the gamelon performance the priest shooed us all out of the inner temple until we first go through an initiation purifying of the body ceremony for gamelon temple musicians...so off we marched to the outer entrance where all 18 of us stood in a half circle while the priest and priestess were busy sprinkling about 10 different types of holy flower water on us and all kinds of seeds and rice and flowers and strings and blessings and drinking and smearing and combing and dabbing and smoothing and stomping and ....by the end of the ceremony i knew my white blouse was no longer white....
when i got home a few hours later, i washed it, hung it up to dry and in the morning saw it was nice and clean, and then the thought suddenly came (my god has such a sense of humor!) and i realized that the white blouse they had brought me to try on with all the stains had been someones blouse, that was at a ceremony, and that's why it looked like that! and they just went from house to house trying to find someone my size that was willing to sell their used white blouse ....i laughed..
when i told the german woman who is staying here the story, she said: can you believe that a balinese outsmarted a jew!
later she returned and said that we can look at the whole scenario differently....that maybe they so much wanted to help me have a white blouse for the ceremony in a few hours, that they didn't want to insult me and tell me they will find a used one for me, so they purposely pretended to give it to me "new" so that i would feel good. a possibility...instead of thinking they will go to any lengths to make $8!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
me off to the ceremony
i am all the time discovering new things here....especially trying to understand the mentality of the balinese....a collection of contradictions...and together with that such good energy here.
caspar, the owner here, from holland, but whos' father is javanese, says that the reason i love it here is that there are many good spirits here....i told him that i don't know anything about spirits so he should explain...and he said that he can see spirits, and here in bali, they are free to roam about, no one is pushing them away, and that is the special energetic feeling one gets here in bali of life! and also the power of nature is very alive and connected to the daily lifestyle and people just live in the present...so altogether there is something here that opens the heart....and feels "right " and being close to nature...
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
what do i want?
i am still "high" from last nights gamelon rehearsal in the village temple....all of a sudden i was able to play all the 5 songs they have been working on for 3 months, by my 4th time with them...and it was such a miracle, and it felt so good to be playing the right notes and to be able to "hear" the chimes and know what to play....i am grateful...amazing...and today at 3 is the performance for the village, in honor of the full moon!
and suddenly this morning when i awoke, the first thought that came to my mind was what rav has said many times when asked: what will happen to new people that join the kabbalah, and haven't been studying with us for all these years? how will they catch up with us? and his answer is always the same: when they become part of the group they also receive all of the efforts that the group has made until now and they continue along with it already knowledgeable of the material that the group has studied so long to attain."
it always seemed a bit difficult to imagine such a thing, but i try and give rav credit unless i know i have discovered something that differs from him, which has only happened in one area until now (that an individual cannot "hear" god)....
and last night, when i went to the gamelon practice, my deepest desire was to be able to play the 5 songs correctly with the rest of the group, simply, not so that I would be special, but so that i could be part of the group being a channel for allowing this lovely music to flow through me out back to god....and i prayed, and as the evening went on, song after song was slowly "revealed" to me and i could finally hear and listen and know how to play them ( which reminds me of a lovely e.e.cummings poem :
"i thank you god
for most this amazing day
for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky
and for everything which is
natural infinite and yes
i who have died
am alive again today
and this is the suns birth day
the birth day of
life and love and wings
and of the gay great happening
illimitabley earth
now the eyes of my eyes are open
and the ears of my ears can hear
and what i thought last night, as all the leaders were giving me the "thumbs up" being pleased that i play well, was that my prayers had been answered and i learn how to play ....but this morning when that thought about how the group empowers and the individual that joins the group receives all of their knowledge too...i realized that that is really what happened....this women have been working hard for 3 months, and when i came also with a desire to work hard and be part of the group, i received their efforts together with mine, and was able to play the music together with them, as if i too had studied it all these months...
again grateful for the revelations i have of everything that rav teaches, which is the wisdom of kabbalah, = laws of nature....
and i am sitting on my little porch in the direction of the rising sun which has just burst forth from behind the morning clouds and is shining in my eyes, so life is good, and wearing a short sleeve dress and i am warm and well rested and grateful....and will soon eat my plate of exotic fruits ( papaya, pineapple, watermelon and banana) along with some banana juice....the good life...what can i say.. i love it...and all the plants and birds are singing and the gardeners are busy sweeping and the sea is in the background playing its melody too....this is what i love....
and suddenly this morning when i awoke, the first thought that came to my mind was what rav has said many times when asked: what will happen to new people that join the kabbalah, and haven't been studying with us for all these years? how will they catch up with us? and his answer is always the same: when they become part of the group they also receive all of the efforts that the group has made until now and they continue along with it already knowledgeable of the material that the group has studied so long to attain."
it always seemed a bit difficult to imagine such a thing, but i try and give rav credit unless i know i have discovered something that differs from him, which has only happened in one area until now (that an individual cannot "hear" god)....
and last night, when i went to the gamelon practice, my deepest desire was to be able to play the 5 songs correctly with the rest of the group, simply, not so that I would be special, but so that i could be part of the group being a channel for allowing this lovely music to flow through me out back to god....and i prayed, and as the evening went on, song after song was slowly "revealed" to me and i could finally hear and listen and know how to play them ( which reminds me of a lovely e.e.cummings poem :
"i thank you god
for most this amazing day
for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky
and for everything which is
natural infinite and yes
i who have died
am alive again today
and this is the suns birth day
the birth day of
life and love and wings
and of the gay great happening
illimitabley earth
now the eyes of my eyes are open
and the ears of my ears can hear
and what i thought last night, as all the leaders were giving me the "thumbs up" being pleased that i play well, was that my prayers had been answered and i learn how to play ....but this morning when that thought about how the group empowers and the individual that joins the group receives all of their knowledge too...i realized that that is really what happened....this women have been working hard for 3 months, and when i came also with a desire to work hard and be part of the group, i received their efforts together with mine, and was able to play the music together with them, as if i too had studied it all these months...
again grateful for the revelations i have of everything that rav teaches, which is the wisdom of kabbalah, = laws of nature....
and i am sitting on my little porch in the direction of the rising sun which has just burst forth from behind the morning clouds and is shining in my eyes, so life is good, and wearing a short sleeve dress and i am warm and well rested and grateful....and will soon eat my plate of exotic fruits ( papaya, pineapple, watermelon and banana) along with some banana juice....the good life...what can i say.. i love it...and all the plants and birds are singing and the gardeners are busy sweeping and the sea is in the background playing its melody too....this is what i love....
groundhog day
my brother once recommended the movie "groundhog day" and ever since i watched it i always think of it as a path of life....so when i "fell into the hole again today" with paying again 4 times what i should have for some material to make some blouses....i am trying to slowly pay attention to the pitholes along the way...and as i write this i could be saying the same thing from a kabbalistic language...the going deeper and deeper into the coarseness in order to discover all of its nuances, and then once i have recognized them all i have "corrected" them with the help of prayer, and then my next "lesson" is right there waiting for me!!
it boggles me...also in the post office to get told a higher price!! but i was forewarned...and even though i have gone to the post office 3 times in order to mail a package to my daughter for her birthday, each time something happened that made it impossible to mail it, and after the initial shock each time that i can't mail it (either because the post office just closed, or because i didn't have enough money with me) i would remind myself that this is just perfect and there is a very good reason i am unable to mail it today..and just be open for the lesson....and let go of the disappointment, which is just a result of me having an expectation that MY agenda was going to unfold, instead of the one god has in store for my growth and goodness...
and as the post office was also a topic of conversation with the concierge here i jokingly asked if i have to be careful of getting ripped off there too?! and he said ( you guessed it....) Yes,.,,since i am a tourist...
so with the experience of not having enough money the day before, but carefully verifying the price by my requesting to look at the chart (budies suggestion in order NOT to get ripped off, thank you budie) so when i went into a different post office today, more modern, computers and all, and was admiring the lovely balinese woman clerk, with a few rice grains still stuck on her forehead and chestbone, and a small wilted flower hanging over the edge of her ear, remains of the praying she did in the morning, and which demands being attentive all day too, not to just brush off your forehead or wipe your ear etc...and as i am admiring it and making up such enlightening stories in my mind about how it is such a good "reminder" to everyone who sees her ( and everyone here also has the rice and flower on them) remembers the praying they did in the morning, and so what a wonderful spiritual existence of all of bali....(what a sentence!!!) right? no wrong! because little miss postoffice clerk is balinese too...and true to heart, will try and make some money off of me as long as i am a tourist and she is balinese....so when she told showed me the price on the calculator...(so official looking right?) and it was over $12 more than what the man the day before showed me and that i had verified on the charts, i said, "what?! it is supposed to only be $36 !! and then...busying herself with what i thought would be a piece of paper with the rates on it, but what in fact was just a bunch of folders to divert my attention and were only full of stickers. she returned to the computer, recalculated and lo and behold....yep...$36 ...hmmmm/////isn't that interesting....i clarified "airmail?" yes....in her sweet tone, end of price inflating with this tourist, oh well, there will always be the next one ....
and so then i realized why i needed to come 3 times to the post office, to discover also this layer of "coarseness",
and even though budi had given me the excellent advice the other day: "think before buying" and to "go to 3 stores and price things and only then return and buy" i naively thought that since the owner here had called the seamstress that is making me some blouses, and spoke with her balinese ( he is from java) and works with her and suggested that she take me to the shop to buy the material that...it would be honest and right price....oh...how wrong we were!! and i...just like in groundhog day...fell into the same whole again, and so much want to wake up and that this will stop happening to me! and as we walk into the bazzar to go to "her material shop" which just happens to be the first one at the entrance that gives the best commission to all the balinese that bring tourists there, since i have been there many times with madie....and been screwed BUT thought, "this time it will be different!...now i am with the honest humble seamstress...she would never try and make tons of money off of me in a transaction like maddie had been!....and suddenly i see a lot of nudge nudge wink wink going on between her and the 2 salesgirls ( just know the shop is about as big as a bathroom and we are the only customers there at the time)...and my intuition is telling me ..this isn't right, and my "politeness and manners" are telling me, but she has taken the time to take you on her motorbike and help you pick out the material and the owner recommenced her, and they are telling you that you are getting a special "balinese price"...so my intuition MUST be wrong, and SHE must have my best interests in mind....
NO.....she has her own, and her fellow balineses' interest in mind and it's about time to realize this and accept it and if i want..go check out 3 more stores and then decide...and not be afraid she will be insulted....because she is just doing her thing (trying to make as much money off as me as possible if given the opportunity) and i have to do MY thing (which is look out for my best interests and not worry about hurting their feelings, because there are no feelings involved here...this is strictly business....and a good one at that!)
how do i know everything that i wrote above...because i have just returned and sat and shared with the owners for the past 2 hours about these phenomenon...they happily asked me if THIS time i felt good about my transactions here in bali...and when i said "no!" , we decided to compare notes...and so. another lesson in the people and customs here...and the bottom line is if i can laugh about it, enjoy the good parts, not take it personally, and to keep trying TO GET a good price....but know that we are just all playing the same game, just theirs seems a little bit more out front , and mine is more subtle....
and instead of my focus being on discovering where they are screwing me in regards to money...maybe i can just accept that that is part of bali, and enjoy! and give what i can and be grateful for the wonderful time i am having here...especially whenever i remember that all there is is god disguised one moment as the gardener, and the next as the seamstress and the next as budie and the next as madie....all conniving to the best of their ability that i grow and discover all of this and be able to "detach with love!"
it boggles me...also in the post office to get told a higher price!! but i was forewarned...and even though i have gone to the post office 3 times in order to mail a package to my daughter for her birthday, each time something happened that made it impossible to mail it, and after the initial shock each time that i can't mail it (either because the post office just closed, or because i didn't have enough money with me) i would remind myself that this is just perfect and there is a very good reason i am unable to mail it today..and just be open for the lesson....and let go of the disappointment, which is just a result of me having an expectation that MY agenda was going to unfold, instead of the one god has in store for my growth and goodness...
and as the post office was also a topic of conversation with the concierge here i jokingly asked if i have to be careful of getting ripped off there too?! and he said ( you guessed it....) Yes,.,,since i am a tourist...
so with the experience of not having enough money the day before, but carefully verifying the price by my requesting to look at the chart (budies suggestion in order NOT to get ripped off, thank you budie) so when i went into a different post office today, more modern, computers and all, and was admiring the lovely balinese woman clerk, with a few rice grains still stuck on her forehead and chestbone, and a small wilted flower hanging over the edge of her ear, remains of the praying she did in the morning, and which demands being attentive all day too, not to just brush off your forehead or wipe your ear etc...and as i am admiring it and making up such enlightening stories in my mind about how it is such a good "reminder" to everyone who sees her ( and everyone here also has the rice and flower on them) remembers the praying they did in the morning, and so what a wonderful spiritual existence of all of bali....(what a sentence!!!) right? no wrong! because little miss postoffice clerk is balinese too...and true to heart, will try and make some money off of me as long as i am a tourist and she is balinese....so when she told showed me the price on the calculator...(so official looking right?) and it was over $12 more than what the man the day before showed me and that i had verified on the charts, i said, "what?! it is supposed to only be $36 !! and then...busying herself with what i thought would be a piece of paper with the rates on it, but what in fact was just a bunch of folders to divert my attention and were only full of stickers. she returned to the computer, recalculated and lo and behold....yep...$36 ...hmmmm/////isn't that interesting....i clarified "airmail?" yes....in her sweet tone, end of price inflating with this tourist, oh well, there will always be the next one ....
and so then i realized why i needed to come 3 times to the post office, to discover also this layer of "coarseness",
and even though budi had given me the excellent advice the other day: "think before buying" and to "go to 3 stores and price things and only then return and buy" i naively thought that since the owner here had called the seamstress that is making me some blouses, and spoke with her balinese ( he is from java) and works with her and suggested that she take me to the shop to buy the material that...it would be honest and right price....oh...how wrong we were!! and i...just like in groundhog day...fell into the same whole again, and so much want to wake up and that this will stop happening to me! and as we walk into the bazzar to go to "her material shop" which just happens to be the first one at the entrance that gives the best commission to all the balinese that bring tourists there, since i have been there many times with madie....and been screwed BUT thought, "this time it will be different!...now i am with the honest humble seamstress...she would never try and make tons of money off of me in a transaction like maddie had been!....and suddenly i see a lot of nudge nudge wink wink going on between her and the 2 salesgirls ( just know the shop is about as big as a bathroom and we are the only customers there at the time)...and my intuition is telling me ..this isn't right, and my "politeness and manners" are telling me, but she has taken the time to take you on her motorbike and help you pick out the material and the owner recommenced her, and they are telling you that you are getting a special "balinese price"...so my intuition MUST be wrong, and SHE must have my best interests in mind....
NO.....she has her own, and her fellow balineses' interest in mind and it's about time to realize this and accept it and if i want..go check out 3 more stores and then decide...and not be afraid she will be insulted....because she is just doing her thing (trying to make as much money off as me as possible if given the opportunity) and i have to do MY thing (which is look out for my best interests and not worry about hurting their feelings, because there are no feelings involved here...this is strictly business....and a good one at that!)
how do i know everything that i wrote above...because i have just returned and sat and shared with the owners for the past 2 hours about these phenomenon...they happily asked me if THIS time i felt good about my transactions here in bali...and when i said "no!" , we decided to compare notes...and so. another lesson in the people and customs here...and the bottom line is if i can laugh about it, enjoy the good parts, not take it personally, and to keep trying TO GET a good price....but know that we are just all playing the same game, just theirs seems a little bit more out front , and mine is more subtle....
and instead of my focus being on discovering where they are screwing me in regards to money...maybe i can just accept that that is part of bali, and enjoy! and give what i can and be grateful for the wonderful time i am having here...especially whenever i remember that all there is is god disguised one moment as the gardener, and the next as the seamstress and the next as budie and the next as madie....all conniving to the best of their ability that i grow and discover all of this and be able to "detach with love!"
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