pretentiousness

Before sunset I go around the house and grounds placing the 17 offerings I have made in their designed spots and say an improvisational blessing. It is after I have swept the house and grounds, showered, and put on a sash around my waist as a sign of doing something sacred. The kids often try to speak with me while I am in the middle of this ten minute ritual. They want me to turn the water on, or when are we going to make pancakes or can we draw now, or that our favorite cartoon show just started. I am always torn between ignoring them and staying focused so that they will learn that when I am doing this, it is not the time to speak or request things from me, or just answer them and carry on. Depending on how serious the demand is or my own self interest in what is going on around me, I either react or not. But my general mood is one of kind of walking around the house and grounds in a quiet focused mode so that I don't even notice what is going on around me and they won't notice and need me. I also take it as an exercise in my own self restraint, not to get "side tracked" and start picking up things or whatever that have nothing to do with my actual task at hand.

Together with that I am quite aware of exactly what is going on around me. So when ketut walks in with the big water bottle to place on the holder which I am about to bless, instead of continuing and just blessing the empty water holder, I stop and ask him if I can wait and he would like to place the water bottle on first and then I will bless it, which for me would be more meaningful and also I would prefer the actual water would be blessed and not as if…So I am torn between a strict zen approach and a laissez faire approach. I'm not trying to be more religious than the pope, but if I am doing it I want to do it with a sense of purpose and not just out of necessity.

 But I had to laugh this morning. Just as I placed the offering at the family altar, which one could say is the most central and sacred place on the family compound, and began to bless it, I heard someone bless me with "om swastyastu" (God bless you). I turned around and saw the head priest, my neighbor, who was helping build the new road outside the house, had come to open up the water for the hose, next to where I was standing. I smiled at him, and laughed to myself. He knew perfectly well what I was doing with the big silver tray in my hand and with the sash around my waist. And it was him that interrupted me! He chose to speak to me when he entered the space I was in. Others often wait on the side a moment for me to finish. And as I continued with the blessing I laughed inside, how unpretentious he is, as the head priest of the whole village. How unpretentious they all are all of the time…laughing, totally in the ordinary here and now which can be just as extraordinary as I say good morning while I am placing and saying the blessing.

 The Balinese are so upfront in relation to entering each others space. Just yesterday, as I sat in the little mini bus van going to the city, whoever entered the van wanted to know where I was going and what I had bought. They do this to everyone. It is like we are all one big family with the casualness and intimacy that is natural to such a relationship. I keep learning these lessons everyday here as I live among them each day. We are all One.     

Garnish

I live in a house with a single father and his three children. We have been friends for years. The oldest daughter is 15 and speaks good English and also likes to cook. As she was making the daily flower offerings with me the other afternoon, she was surprised to see I had picked some small orange "spikes" from some flowers in the garden as "filler" since there weren't a lot of flowers blooming that day. She commented that the Balinese never use this flower for the offerings since it is actually a garnish. "a garnish!?" "yes, to garnish the garden, not to pick"

I laughed. First because as an American I had heard but never used the word garnish in my life. And here I am in bali and a 15 year old is speaking English with me and knows the word garnish! And secondly, I never thought about the fact that you can garnish the garden! I  asked her how she knows that word and she said from her mother, also Balinese. I was impressed. Still, I don't think I would be one to use that word in a conversation, since it is so far from my lifestyle.

Then last night her father and she and I were sitting on the newly built foundation for the new porch, "bale", that was to arrive the following day by the carpenter. We were "feeling out" the new home of the bale, which had been a dream of a few years for him and I, each in our own life visions. I mentioned that when I had first spoken to him about the idea of the bale, I had imagined something very simple; 4 wooden posts, a raised platform and a tiled roof.  I asked him if that had also been his vision, even though we now found ourselves on a very elegant and even bombastic tiled raised foundation on which the wooden bale would sit.

"The bale is like cooking; it can just be steamed pumpkin, or it can be steamed pumpkin with some honey or spicy sauce on it as a garnish. This is the garnished version of a bale. It gives one a feeling of being raised a little higher than just daily existence." And I realized how my life until now has been very simple and down to earth. And part of the beauty of bali is that amongst that natural basic lifestyle, they "garnish" things in honor of a Higher Power. This bale is situated next to the family altar which is kind of like a "parent" on the compound, guarding over all and everything. The original idea of the bale for him was that it would be a place where I could sit and prepare the flower offerings in the afternoon, instead of sitting on the floor of the porch. That I could play the gamelon chime there. That I could meditate there. These are all activities that are considered "higher" than the day to day and deserve a suitable environment, even if it is just rolling out a piece of material on the porch before putting the chime there to play on, or taking a bamboo tray to place the banana leaves on while preparing the flower offerings so they do not touch the floor.

Today the carpenter brought the bale. I keep sitting here on the porch opposite it and looking at it trying to decide what I think about it. It is nothing like I imagined. But it is what is. And as I look at it I can sense the sensation of something "raised"….something higher than the 4 wooden posts I had imagined. It is Balinese. It has that excessive beauty to it sitting in the middle of the forest here. It is "garnish".  

western versus eastern

This morning I woke up early to do my daily "meditation" of sweeping and washing the floor in the rooms of the house I am living in. I had noticed a friend sent me an email, and read it before I began my day. She was sharing about the difficulty and actually retiring and the desire to do so, along with the fear of whether she will have enough money to live the rest of her life without working anymore. She wanted my opinion. I felt like the last person in the world that could answer that question in a way that would be relevant to her life. Here I was, sweeping the floor of the porch, and my main concern in life was whether the baby gecko that hides in the corner during the night and rushes off quickly when I move the bag of dried flower petals that I keep in the corner where he has suddenly made his home, will still be there this morning, so I can show the little 7 year old girl that is my gecko loving partner each evening as we watch them on the ceiling. That really is my biggest concern today. It is a wonderful feeling not to  think about work, money, the future….and just live a simple life. I guess I have been blessed with a total lack of interest in anything having to do with old age and cost of living and really feel that my life could end at any moment…what do I know? So why even deal with it beyond a small savings that I have? I just kind of trust that no matter how much I have or whatever situation I find myself in, there will be a way to manage, otherwise I wouldn't have been placed in that situation!

And as those thoughts went through my mind I ever so carefully moved the plastic bag of dried flowers so if the baby gecko was still there I could get a good look at him and maybe even have a chance to call the little girl to see him close-up. Yep, there he was, and he wasn't even moving…great…maybe asleep? But as I nudged him with the broom bristles I realized he was dead. Just born a few days ago and dead already. I was so sad and disappointed. Why?

I went to the little girl who was laying in bed watching television. How can I tell her this in Indonesian? Hmm…I remembered once when someone died, one of my Balinese friends did a pantomime of "sleeping" as she explained that the person died. I could do that….okay. but as I stood next to the television to catch her attention I found myself pantomiming sleeping, followed by a "thumbs down" gesture when she asked me if the gecko is asleep. And then another movement like an umpire at a baseball game saying the player is "out"! all accompanied with my sad facial expression and nodding head negatively. She looked at me for a split second and with both of her hands made a beautiful flowing feminine gesture of a soul rising up to the heavens, smiled, nodded her head in recognition and continued watching television.

I was so surprised by the naturalness of her response. The fact that we had both oogled over the new born baby gecko the evening before did not mean that now we had to be all sad and confused about his death. It was simply his time to go to heaven….all is as it is meant to be.

a new life

Tonight is the full moon. The offerings made today are done especially in honor of this occasion. This full moon is big, bright, white, powerful, and meaningful to the Balinese. Today my friend is acknowledging the beginning of a new life. Having finally been able to sleep at night and enjoy life again after his marriage ended, he has endured the pain of the tattoo on his chest, shaved his head, and is now bare-chested, wearing a sarong and going to pray under the full moon. He has prepared incense and a flower offering and has told his two young children to join him at the family altar located in the garden, where they sit on an improvised mat on the ground, to pray together. The four year old boy is busy running after the dog in between sitting with them at the altar. The seven year old girl already knows the standard prayers by heart and recites them seriously and with intention along with her father. I am on the porch watching them during this ten minute prayer ritual. It reminds me of how the Jews have a short prayer recited in the synagogue after one has survived a life threatening incident. He sprinkles holy water on his daughter and son, and on himself. They run off to watch television again. He remains there to pray his own personal prayer now. He is beginning a new life of a deepened connection with God. May he be blessed.   

old souls

The sky suddenly turned dark, and a strong wind began moving the tree tops. It was obvious that a storm was about to begin. We had been sitting out on the front porch playing and the childrens' eyes suddenly were large from the power of the anticipated storm. The seven year old girl suddenly turned very serious and went into a meditative sitting position and began reciting a mantra accompanied by different mudras (hand positions). The seven year old cousin, who is a bit of a tease, even though he is very smart, kept tickling her and interfering with her intentions. She would leave her serious mode and again become a seven year old giggling and telling him to stop. And again resumed the nearly closed eyes and meditative state. This touch and go between them continued for a few minutes until she decided to stand in the frame of the open window and be more focused. He left the room at this point. I stayed to watch what was happening. I know this child for a few years already and had never seen her act this way before. She looked like a real priestess, and I wondered if this is how the dalai lama behaves when he is a child; being able to move between both worlds.

As her incantations continued and her elegant hand movements flowed flawlessly balanced as if she had been practicing for years these beautiful positions, she suddenly stopped, jumped back onto the bed from the open window frame smiling and stated in a joyous voice "ya!" (which means 'yes!").  She had not noticed me watching her the whole time, and assumed she was alone in the room. But I decided to ask her what she meant. She excitedly announced that it was a success and that the rain will just be small and not a storm as intended.  After this announcement she returned to the open window and crawled outside it onto the stone path situated on the other side of the darkened window pane that allows me to see out but she could not see in. there she continued to perform a series of actions of speaking to her surroundings and swallowing them and as if spitting something out. This continued for another ten minutes or so.

Meanwhile I heard a male voice reciting a mantra from somewhere nearby. I knew the television was off, and there was no one around so I couldn't figure out what I was hearing. I quietly walked in the direction of the chanting and found the seven year old boy out on the front porch in a sitting meditation position being very serious in his recitation. Again, unbeknown to him that I was watching him, as he then rose and walked along the garden path reciting and plucking flower petals from the flower in his hand and throwing them about him also as if in a trance.

When the two of them had finished they continued to play just like before, as if nothing had happened. And the light rainfall fell quietly for an hour and then stopped and the sun came out again. I was stunned by what I had witnessed and tried to make some sense out of it. They have both seen priests performing rituals, but none like what I saw them doing. There are Indonesian television shows that the kids watch that have witches and ghosts and supernatural powers that are usually very exaggerated and melodramatic. But what I saw the two of them doing was serious and had nothing to do with anyone else. They were communicating with nature and god, period.

The following day I mentioned to my friend how his daughter had apparently changed the forceful storm into a light rain. His only comment was that he believes she is an old soul. I too get that feeling around her. She is the only one of the kids that was interested in learning the qigong and tai chi movements I practice daily, and would ask each day if we could please practice now. She also has an uncanny ability to speak to me in Indonesian and no matter what she is telling me, we understand each other. Often times one of the other kids rattles something off to me and I stand there trying to figure out what they just told me, and she will quietly repeat the same words again, and it is suddenly totally understandable to me. What is interesting is that she can also be a silly 7 year old just like the rest of the kids. And she is also another sagittarius in my life…to be added to the abundance of them that play meaningful roles in my life lately.