Initiative

i have some "soul sisters" here in Bali....women that have the same need to arrive at the designated time, even though experience has taught them that things will only begin 45 minutes later. so, after having lived in israel for 35 years and still continued my american belief system and to show up on time for things thinking that possibly THIS time it WILL start on time and i don't want to miss out, i find myself in Bali with the same obsession. but lucky for me the woman who picks me up on her motorbike twice a week for our practice, also likes to arrive "on time". so the two of us sit there....and about half an hour later the others arrive. a new woman joined the orchestra and seems to be our soul sister too, arriving a little after us. so we sit and sit, and since she doesn't know english, and my indonesian is still minimal, and we've made small talk for the past year....we were just sitting in silence waiting for the others and the woman with the key to the storage room with the chimes in it, who usually is last to arrive for some reason...

then surprisingly, my friend said, i have the key tonight. ! what?! that means we can already open up the room, take out all 30 instruments, set things up slowly and when everyone eventually shows up, we can begin! i thought it was a great idea instead of sitting around and waiting. i told her " i can!" and sign languaged lifting up the heavy chimes and drums and stuff. she said shook her head in disapproval. i repeated "i can! slowly we will...." and i started to walk towards the door, and she followed me. she opened the door and i was so happy that instead of 20 women all shuffling about carrying everything, we can just slowly and quietly set everything up just the two of us.

i began with the smallest lightest items and worked my way up. the room was half set up when one of the badmiton men that is my friend came over to see what all the fuss was. i invited him to help me carry the rest of the instruments, but he laughed and said he is tired and watched me a bit. then said " for americans, "time is money". i laughed so loud when he said that. i hadn't thought about it, and it was so exact! he continued, "for us, time does not exist...we are lazy and like to do things slowly and together." here i was thinking that if it is all set up we can start sooner, finish earlier, get to sleep earlier and everyone will be happy instead of tired after having woken up at 4 a.m. My lady friend signaled me to stop. i think she is older than me and i realized the effort was too much for her, so we stopped, sat down and waited for the others to arrive. but when they did, they were surprised to see the hall half set up and asked her what is this? she answered "i can" and pointed to me and they all laughed. this went on for the first 5 women that arrived, and even though i am used to being laughed at as "the tourist", i preferred not to be the center of attention in the gamelon group. they each entered, sat down, and motioned for me to join them SITTING and not setting up! as i sat next to them, and the usual half hour of gossip and laughter followed i realized that my initiative was totally out of place here. these women are happy to be out of their homes, finally with a few minutes to rest and hang out with their girlfriends and fellow gamelon family members that they haven't seen in a few days, and here i am ruining it all with my efficiency! my friend continued to tell every woman that arrived and pointed in surprise to the hall, "i can!" and pointed at me. i realized the more she repeated it that it was all about my EGO having taken control! and they are so used to being laid back and doing things together without being the one to initiate things. i decided to have some fun with them too, and the next couple of women that came in and gave a glance, i said "i can" and pointed to my friend, as if SHE was the one to start it all...we laughed some more. and eventually, after the usual wait of 30 minutes, everyone joined in and we set up the hall and began exactly 45 minutes later,"on time" as usual! i will not initiate that anymore!

the following day i went to a cremation. i stayed for the whole 6 hours, but many friends and family had already left. at one point in the ceremony a woman was walking around to the 25 some people left, and sprinkling some symbolic herbs on their crown chakra, when she got to me she was startled to see me, since she knows me from the gamelon. she began to pass over me on to the women next to me, and not wanting to be left out of this blessing i "initiated" reaching over to the little palm leaf plate and took a few sprinkles of the herbs and placed them on my head too. she was surprised again, but silent, smiled a bit bewildered, and continued. it was only later on that the thought occurred to me that maybe these herbs were only for the immediate family, or clan members, or whatever and that taking the initiative to be an equal here was inappropriate, to say the least. they would never ever say anything to me about it or deny allowing me to sprinkle it on my head. but it was a red light for me to think a bit more before i am the one to initiate things here. they have so many layers and levels of behavior here, that i can't possibly assume that i know what i should be doing or not doing. better to let that part of my western mentality take a back seat and just be humble, trusting and grateful that whatever is supposed to come my way, will, and that i do not have to fear being "left out" or lacking anything. ever.