i don't know why i am fascinated watching people working, making something, doing something. it is just something that i enjoy. and especially here in bali there seems to be some added dimension that until now i couldn't figure out what it was. there was a kind of non-doing while they were doing whatever they are doing...so it always looks as if they aren't really doing anything...when they actually are! so i kept watching them, and watching them some more, but couldn't "get it". i thought that maybe their mind body connection is different than in the west...i know they "think" from their hearts, and not from their brain. so that already makes a big difference.
part of my "path" here in bali is trying to live like them so i can figure out what it is that is so magical. so instead of just buying ready made flower offerings for 10 cents for 10, in the market every morning, i prefer to follow the old fashion way and make my own. it gives me pleasure to create beautiful offerings from natural materials everyday, and also is a challenge. one of the things i do is take pandan leaves and shred them very thin so that they look like the easter egg grass filler in the basket. i started doing it over a year ago, with a pair of scissors, which made the balinese laugh, but accept me in my western ridiculousness...they do it with a sharp knife in a second....and i had no chance at that without cutting my fingers and ending up with wide odd and end pieces...my friend was kind enough to just encourage me by saying, "with patience you will improve. it is peaceful for the soul and like meditation for god with your intention."
when i returned this time i decided i would buy one of their knives, and my friend gave me hers as a present. so...each day i tried...and when i would see someone shredding the pandan leaves i would just watch and try and figure out how they are doing it, since not that many speak english, and even if they do, they don't know how to explain what they are doing....they are just "doing it"...even the 13 year olds could do it...so i wanted to too!
i got my fingers in place, got the movement going, but something was not working. then a simple comment like "do it with alot of leaves at once", or noticing the difference between young leaves and old leaves, i started collecting tips and improving my style. i watched the grandma doing it and realized she was moving her left hand with the leaves, and not her right hand with the knife! amazing. i tried it and it was a world of difference. but still i had all kinds of straggling pieces that she didn't seem to have.
this morning, when i went to the market i thought i was buying enough leaves for todays' offerings...but when i got home and unpacked what i had bought for 20 cents, i realized it was enough for almost a week! now i understood why so many people in the small market at 5 in the morning were commenting to each other about my wad of leaves sticking out of my shoulder bag! they knew that that was alot of pandan leaves...especially for a tourist like me to be walking around with...i wondered why they were so impressed...so after having done the same thing a few weeks ago and just slowly shredded the leaves as the week went by, i decided to try a different experiment. this time, instead of having saggy old leaves that were difficult to shred, i will shred them all now, and put them in bags in the fridge and maybe it will be easier.
i did, and spent about an hour shredding the fresh leaves. i laughed as i realized i was giving myself an intensive course on pandan leaf shredding! with no one to ask for advice, i just asked the leaves and the knife to guide me. and they did! i kept trying to figure out why the grandmother held her hand the way she did. what could have been the importance? she is a woman my age that does hard farm work for long hours everyday, and everything is done minimalistically and exactly. a pleasure to watch her. so if she held her hand like this there must be a good reason for it.
i had 4 bunches of leaves and experimented with each of them. i could feel how tense my body was, what a super effort i was making, what force i was using. each time i learned another little something and improved. where the guidance was coming from i can only guess, all i know is that i had a strong intention to decipher the secret of successfully shredding pandan leaves like the balinese women do. and by the time i was finishing the 4th batch i could honestly say, "i got it". suddenly the body knew where the strength needed to be, what needed to be active, what needed to be passive, it reminded me of how i used to do pottery....making tens of the same thing, over and over and over trying to learn how to do it from a place of flow, simplicity, effortlessness.
next were the little 8 pointed star shaped palm leaf trays that hold the multi colored fresh flower petals and the shredded pandan leaves. i needed to make 11 of them for today. i began. immediately the thin bamboo "staple" broke, as usual. ugh. when am i going to know how to "pin" these little trays together without the bamboo breaking every time? and the palm leaves are like an avocado pit, that once you touch it with something sharp, it makes a rust colored mark on it, like a wound. so every time the bamboo stick that i tried to "pin" the tray together with breaks, it leaves its marks...and instead of an elegant creamy yellow star tray, it has all these rusty marks and slits.
i have been using "the knife" like the balinese women use, for over a month and i knew i had improved and had more control with it, but still, it seemed to glide in their hands, and kind of stumbled in mine...why? what was the secret. again, no one to ask, other than the impressions i had in my memory of how it seems so effortless, and the knife and the leaves and bamboo stick....so i asked them...and each time another "click" and a new comprehension...
by the time i got to the 9th little tray they were no longer lopsidded, clumsy looking and thickish, but more elegant, delicate and feminine...nice...i was happy. the bamboo stick wasn't breaking anymore, and things were a little bit smoother but still, that "flow" was a mystery. it was as if my mind had photographed the womens fingers from all the times i watched them, (and they watched me! amazed that someone could make something so simple so complicated and a mess! but never saying anything, just giggling...). i kept seeing their fingers in my mind. they didn't have long fingernails, so that wasn't it. what could it be? and with that question, suddenly my fingers knew what to do! instead of my right hand wielding and trying to "screw" the bamboo stick into the leaf to staple it in place, and using much effort with my right hand, way beyond what seemed necessary, suddenly my left hand with its nimble fingertips, took command and in a second, it was "stapled" in place! without any effort, without any exertion, i was in shock.
suddenly everything fell into place. another puzzle piece in understanding the balinese people. they are working with the negative space all the time. we westerners work with the positive space. that is why when they work everything seems effortless, flowing, simple...because IT IS! it is no longer "ME" pushing the thin bamboo stick into the leaf, it is the leaf "accepting " the bamboo stick! it is no longer "ME" shedding the pandan leaves with my knife, it is the pandan leaves coming to the knife and rubbing up against it to be shredded! It is no longer "ME" cutting out a nice design on the leaves to make the fan-like flower tray, it is the knife emptying out the excess leaf to create an empty space that makes a lovely design...it is no longer "ME" cutting away the hard backbone of the palm leaf, but rather the leaf coming up to the knife that stays still, and suddenly the backbone has been removed! in flow.
i have begun practicing qigong for the past 2 months, and the same thing is unfolding there too. the teacher showed me the movements once. no real explanations, just imitating her. and like with anything new that i learn, i put so much effort into just watching what they are doing so i can copy correctly, that i don't really have any available attention to also BE in my body...it is an external copying movement. it is also the way i learn to play the gamelon here too. and hoola hooping moves. and only after repeating it again and again, and "feeling" that there must be more to this, and a deeper flow that gives it meaning and a kind of effortlessness instead of this forced overdoing that i am DOING....suddenly my body seems to have an intelligence that already KNOWS how to do the action, once i let go of all of my numerous "unsuccessful" attempts. and then what was external, now has an internal source that seems to be connected to something much greater, that invites me to make an effortless effort and join in the fun, instead of trying to control it.
and as the saying goes "the long path is the short one..."
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