today it is quite windy and a wild sea again, getting to know the character of the sea since i am here in the monsoon season now...had a walk around the gardens because the flowers are so beautiful especially after it rains everyday, and just by walking through them again and again i discover new plants all the time, and am in awe of the quiet old gardener, that just slowly weeds and prunes and plants and loves....you can feel it in the plants...

had an interesting conversation with madie, and it is always a challenge to try and know WHO is telling the truth, if there is such a thing....the owner does not want her around hawking the guests for massages, etc. (which she did to me last year and i ended up loaning her money that turned into a gift instead of a loan....)and together with that, she tells me so many things that are true and interesting and really helps me understand the balinese way...

as i write i realize that elizabeth gilbert in EAT PRAY LOVE shared the same experience....i guess there is just some truth and falsehood in it all and in all of us, and they are perhaps more blatant about it all...she diligently goes looking for work everyday, whether to wash clothes, or give a massage, or whatever, and the owners say she is a bum...and to me she just looks like someone trying to support her family (while hubby watches color TV at home...)
she invited me to go to the hot springs near by, tomorrow..and then to her uncles...(deja vu...that was the same story as last year at which point she begged me for money that she would return the following week....and i never did get to the hot springs....) so the question is do i say yes again, and maybe this time get to the hot springs?? it is a serious question for me, because i am definitely "getting " something out of this relationship, and i wonder if that is why it is "doomed" because why do i expect "to get"without "giving"? and is my "giving" to her, the company she has by coming and speaking with me everyday, or what....?

having some scenarios with the kitchen staff apropos my meal....my brother once told me in thailand: never ask the waiter for 2 things at once (like a napkin, and also some water, please) because it doesn't work...you have to ask for the napkin, and then when they bring it to you, you ask for the water....and that is what is happening here with my special menu that they have agreed to make for me....but "4 walnuts" can also mean 4 little bits of walnuts, or if i gave them 3 options for a protein; egg, sardine, or liver....they couldn't "get it"....they needed to write a chart that says : sunday- egg, monday - sardine....i told them it doesn't make any difference to me what they bring me and what day, its just that that is what i eat...but no...they had a written list, sat with me in consultation, asked if each day it was appropriate, , then typed it out, and verified again,...and the owners said it is a microcosmic view of balinese people...that they only do what the priests or village leaders or sacred books tell them, and it is all known, spelled out, clear, repetitive, and leaves no room for spontaneity, and the future....each day is a brand new creation and has its own rhyme and reason to it....and you don't just suddenly make changes because you feel like it...

and the idea of giving them 2 requests at the same time, is way too much, seriously, not because they are stupid, but i think it is because they live in the moment, in the here and now, and their minds do not plan further. amazing...

also they told me that until the age of 3 months a baby does not touch the ground...at the age of 3 months they have a ceremony....i thought, wow, cool, they really know that a baby should be in someones arms, huh....but no, it is because there are evil spirits crawling around the floors and you don't want them getting to the baby! and that is also why each house has a "doorstep" that you have to step over in order to enter the house...and after yesterdays funeral/cremation ceremony, when they threw the plastic bag full of ashes into the sea, when the next wave came in and brought it ashore they ran and grabbed it because now it has to be taken back to the house and kept in the urn, and then during the year they take it all around the country, to valleys, hills, north, south...finally ending up at the highest mountain with the highest temple...the journey of the soul...

so it is very easy in our western minds to think they are superstitious or stupid or lazy or slow, but there is sooooo much going on on so many levels here all the time,,,go know!