groundhog day

my brother once recommended the movie "groundhog day" and ever since i watched it i always think of it as a path of life....so when i "fell into the hole again today" with paying again 4 times what i should have for some material to make some blouses....i am trying to slowly pay attention to the pitholes along the way...and as i write this i could be saying the same thing from a kabbalistic language...the going deeper and deeper into the coarseness in order to discover all of its nuances, and then once i have recognized them all i have "corrected" them with the help of prayer, and then my next "lesson" is right there waiting for me!!

it boggles me...also in the post office to get told a higher price!! but i was forewarned...and even though i have gone to the post office 3 times in order to mail a package to my daughter for her birthday, each time something happened that made it impossible to mail it, and after the initial shock each time that i can't mail it (either because the post office just closed, or because i didn't have enough money with me) i would remind myself that this is just perfect and there is a very good reason i am unable to mail it today..and just be open for the lesson....and let go of the disappointment, which is just a result of me having an expectation that MY agenda was going to unfold, instead of the one god has in store for my growth and goodness...

and as the post office was also a topic of conversation with the concierge here i jokingly asked if i have to be careful of getting ripped off there too?! and he said ( you guessed it....) Yes,.,,since i am a tourist...

so with the experience of not having enough money the day before, but carefully verifying the price by my requesting to look at the chart (budies suggestion in order NOT to get ripped off, thank you budie) so when i went into a different post office today, more modern, computers and all, and was admiring the lovely balinese woman clerk, with a few rice grains still stuck on her forehead and chestbone, and a small wilted flower hanging over the edge of her ear, remains of the praying she did in the morning, and which demands being attentive all day too, not to just brush off your forehead or wipe your ear etc...and as i am admiring it and making up such enlightening stories in my mind about how it is such a good "reminder" to everyone who sees her ( and everyone here also has the rice and flower on them) remembers the praying they did in the morning, and so what a wonderful spiritual existence of all of bali....(what a sentence!!!) right? no wrong! because little miss postoffice clerk is balinese too...and true to heart, will try and make some money off of me as long as i am a tourist and she is balinese....so when she told showed me the price on the calculator...(so official looking right?) and it was over $12 more than what the man the day before showed me and that i had verified on the charts, i said, "what?! it is supposed to only be $36 !! and then...busying herself with what i thought would be a piece of paper with the rates on it, but what in fact was just a bunch of folders to divert my attention and were only full of stickers. she returned to the computer, recalculated and lo and behold....yep...$36 ...hmmmm/////isn't that interesting....i clarified "airmail?" yes....in her sweet tone, end of price inflating with this tourist, oh well, there will always be the next one ....

and so then i realized why i needed to come 3 times to the post office, to discover also this layer of "coarseness",

and even though budi had given me the excellent advice the other day: "think before buying" and to "go to 3 stores and price things and only then return and buy" i naively thought that since the owner here had called the seamstress that is making me some blouses, and spoke with her balinese ( he is from java) and works with her and suggested that she take me to the shop to buy the material that...it would be honest and right price....oh...how wrong we were!! and i...just like in groundhog day...fell into the same whole again, and so much want to wake up and that this will stop happening to me! and as we walk into the bazzar to go to "her material shop" which just happens to be the first one at the entrance that gives the best commission to all the balinese that bring tourists there, since i have been there many times with madie....and been screwed BUT thought, "this time it will be different!...now i am with the honest humble seamstress...she would never try and make tons of money off of me in a transaction like maddie had been!....and suddenly i see a lot of nudge nudge wink wink going on between her and the 2 salesgirls ( just know the shop is about as big as a bathroom and we are the only customers there at the time)...and my intuition is telling me ..this isn't right, and my "politeness and manners" are telling me, but she has taken the time to take you on her motorbike and help you pick out the material and the owner recommenced her, and they are telling you that you are getting a special "balinese price"...so my intuition MUST be wrong, and SHE must have my best interests in mind....

NO.....she has her own, and her fellow balineses' interest in mind and it's about time to realize this and accept it and if i want..go check out 3 more stores and then decide...and not be afraid she will be insulted....because she is just doing her thing (trying to make as much money off as me as possible if given the opportunity) and i have to do MY thing (which is look out for my best interests and not worry about hurting their feelings, because there are no feelings involved here...this is strictly business....and a good one at that!)

how do i know everything that i wrote above...because i have just returned and sat and shared with the owners for the past 2 hours about these phenomenon...they happily asked me if THIS time i felt good about my transactions here in bali...and when i said "no!" , we decided to compare notes...and so. another lesson in the people and customs here...and the bottom line is if i can laugh about it, enjoy the good parts, not take it personally, and to keep trying TO GET a good price....but know that we are just all playing the same game, just theirs seems a little bit more out front , and mine is more subtle....

and instead of my focus being on discovering where they are screwing me in regards to money...maybe i can just accept that that is part of bali, and enjoy! and give what i can and be grateful for the wonderful time i am having here...especially whenever i remember that all there is is god disguised one moment as the gardener, and the next as the seamstress and the next as budie and the next as madie....all conniving to the best of their ability that i grow and discover all of this and be able to "detach with love!"