walking that middle line

yesterday i bought a water dispenser and big jug of filtered water and felt how good life feels when there is flowing water. i thanked the gods and went to bed, not realizing how they can be pranksters too, at least that's what the balinese think...and about midnight, when i was still laying in bed, hoping to fall asleep, but unable to as i listened to the crashing waves, i began to decipher another sound of water that no longer sounded like the sea, in my half awake state. as i listened closer it was evident that this was a huge whooshing sound and it was coming from my backyard, and not the sea! oh no! a water pipe has broken! the well is flooding! what do i do?!

well, first i got out of bed, got dressed and made my way in the dark down the stairs trying to follow the sound of this dam that had broken! luckily it was almost a full moon and as i walked towards the well i suddenly felt a sense of relief to recognize the wooshing was come from the other side of my path....so maybe it isn't MY broken pipe, but my neighbors. as that happy thought went through my mind, i realized how selfish that is and that in any case it is a broken pipe and water that is being wasted and needs to be taken care of, even if it is midnight and i am in the middle of the forest and don't even know anyone yet here.

just as i stood there and tried to figure out where it was coming from, i saw a man standing there, peacefully. "bike?" (indonesian for "okay") intuitively came out of my mouth, even though i hadn't remembered my indonesian from 4 months ago, and he said "bike, salamat maalam" (okay, good night) and i realized that yes, indeed a dam had burst open, but it was the one the farmers use communally all over bali, and as each one finished watering his garden it slowly makes its way down the mountain to those in the valley and out to the sea. each farmer knows when it is his time slot, and ....yep, some need to get up at midnight to move their rocks and tree stumps away so that the huge quantity of water can flow through each area of their crops as they open and close little openings along the way of rocks and stumps. and there he stood, peaceful and quiet, with no big explanations or anything.

so now there was quiet conversing between some of the balinese men, as they accompanied the rushing waters. and if i am not mistaken,even a most beautiful sigh of joy heard some three times, which sounded more like a very happy man that had just had an orgasm, coming from the palm hut further back in the forest....and i just smiled and enjoyed the gift of having heard how these lovely people also express themselves in intimate moments....

as i rose at predawn to go out to see the sunset, i found myself stepping in water inside the house....what?! and realized that my lovely new water dispenser had leaked a few litres of water all night, onto the floor...ugh...and i wondered if really this is how life has to be? that if i am grateful the night before for having drinking water flowing in my house, then i HAVE to also experience the shadow side of it....just to teach me to walk the middle line? the balinese do not get too excited, or too upset about anything....the most important thing is harmony. and it has become quite apparent to me these past few days here, among them, that my reactions are quite extreme, (something my kids have been telling me for ages) and that is there really a need to be so overjoyed to have filtered water and then so confused and upset to be stepping in it 12 hours later?

i had always thought that my enthusiasm was a good quality. it showed true appreciation and gratitude for every little bit of life....but now i was beginning to wonder what my lesson was here....and the thought crossed my mind, that if i really do believe that god provides for all of our needs...then why am i so thrilled and overjoyed each time my need is filled, instead of simply recognizing it in a humble state of gratitude? and the same on the flipside...that if all is exactly the way it is supposed to be, and perfect, then the half empty container of filtered water that i am standing in is also perfect, and not a case for alarm.

i decided to rest with that for a while, and continued on my way out to see the sunrise and journal and enjoy the miracle of a new day of life. anyways, i had no idea what to do, the water container was too heavy for me to turn righ tside up and what to do with all the water in the dispenser?

a few hours later i sent an sms to my friend that had bought it with me yesterday, and told him i will have to return it today, since it is leaking. i wondered if there is even a word like that in bali "to return something " ? it didn't seem like it could exist in their mentality. if not finding what you needed in a store may possible cause the owner undue sadness rather than harmony, what happens with a sale that has been paid for and then is returned for a refund?! and then i laughed and realized that i guess todays lesson is going to be in learning all about that now...and that each of these incidents that comes my way and surprises me, because i keep expecting everything to just be perfect, which means, works, is honest, is right, fits, runs well, and in fact the opposite is true, and can i just keep walking that middle line, no matter what happens, and just realize they are just opportunities to learn something that i haven't yet learned.

a while later his wife came over and figured out what the problem was and fixed it and helped me clean up. it turned into such a nice time together, sharing, laughing, working together, learning, confiding, and just two women enjoying being with each other. i realized that if i just let things unfold, even in a crisis situation, and remember that everything is perfect, even this, and that it is all for some purpose that is bringing me to an even better place, then there is no reason to get thrown off course each time something happens and to react extremely...

and later, when i walked all the way over to the bank at the other end of town, to finally deposit the wad of money i had brought in order to pay for a years rent, only to be told in fluent indonesian that i need the permission from the village council recognizing me as a resident of the village before i can deposit money in the bank, i could just sit there...not understand a single word, not be disappointed or try and convince or argue or anything, but just let it all unfold, let these sweet simple people that work at the bank along with the sweet simple people that were sitting and waiting for their turn, to just calmly listen to my beauracratic necessities. it was such a surprise to realize that this is a public affair, with the bank manager on one side of the desk talking to the only villager that knew english and had understood my request and was explaining it peacefully to him, while all the other people just sat there quietly watching and listening. no one was in a hurry, or upset that my request, which was the last in line, was suddenly front stage and taking time. i did make one attempt at telling them that this means i have to walk ALL the way back ( a 1/2 hour walk at midday) in order to bring the piece of paper he wants. but in typical balinese style, this did not get the pity or favor i was hoping for and there was just a peaceful quiet manager and bank full of people, just listening to me, i got up and quietly walked out and decided that it can be done another time and just enjoy the day. so what if i'm walking around with $3000 in a brown paper bag...go have a good time with some friends and the money will take care of itself.

after yesterdays expensive lunch venture, i was suddenly offered a more reasonable solution by my friend, and was grateful. and after quizzing her on the delicious spieey balinese meal she had just served me, it turned out that it was purchased from the little shop around the corner and costs 10 cents for each vegetable and tofu dish that i had! so for a big 50 cents i can have the same meal that i was charged 5 euro for the day before....nice....lets just keep walking that middle line. lay low, enjoy, and keep it simple.
when i saw the bright green meter long thin snake glide past my foot and raise itself in the air and continue gliding onto a plant to my left, i was able to just stand there, and be grateful for having witnessed such an amazingly beautiful creation, having no idea if it is poisonous or what...but when i saw the 3 day old little piglets, i couldn't help but squeal from joy....walking that middle line with such sweet little creatures was impossible....but amerta could do it even while he pointed out the one dead one that was laying there and "just couldn't make it apparently because he was too small" and just walk on past life and death right there as we passed by.

it was in that same quiet peaceful tone that he told me that his boss at the clinic had given him an award for his excellent service as a nurse and he was being given a new and higher position. again i squealed with joy since they are finally building a small home of their own and haven't enough money to finish it, and this will make it a little easier. but when i had spoken to his wife earlier about being honest and trustworthy she had shared with me that one of the guests needed medical assistance and when he asked how much to pay her husband for the treatment, she said $10. the guest thought that was too cheap and that he will get it back from his insurance company anyways, so he can give them a lot more, she repeated that $10 is enough. i asked her how come she didn't take the opportunity to take more money, especially since they need it for building the house? and she told me that she must be honest with god at all times, and cannot be tempted for selfish reasons because then she will go crazy, and she wants to stay sane and balanced, and knows that everything will work out in time.

it is nice to deal with people whose main goal is harmony and balance. it demands a whole new way of communicating, and of understanding situations. it places man in a humbler place and gives a sense of inner peace that is worth it all.