a newborn

today i went to visit a balinese friend of mine that gave birth 2 months ago. she married about 7 months ago, and moved from her village to her husbands village, into her mother in laws house. it is a large compound in the forest where the 5 of them now live. even though her family lives only about 15 minutes away, she is no longer part of that life, and "belongs" with her husbands family. i was curious about the way the women raise their babies and had lots of questions for her.

she gave birth in the village birthing center, and all went well. her husband could be with her. when the baby came out and they saw it was a boy, the husband especially was delighted. it is very important for them to have a son. mainly so that someone will take care of the parents in old age and cremation, just like he is doing now with his parents. in order to support themselves, he must work in another city about 1 1/2 hours away, but he only returns home about once a week. this leaves his wife alone with his parents most of the week. my friend chose to immediately return to work ( after a week or two) in order to continue to receive her salary and not lose her job. her mother in law ( not her mother!) is now the official caretaker of the child while my friend works 8+ hours a day, 7 days a week. she has a 3 hour break in the middle of the day in order to come home and breast feed her son and rest a little. she is happy and the baby seems happy.

when the umbilical cord falls off, it is a time of celebration and a special gold locket, about half the size of a match box, is purchased and the dried off umbilical cord stump is placed inside of it and it hangs from the baby's neck on a string made up of red white and black embroidery threads. a special ceremony was held then and it was blessed and is used as protection for the baby, along with the same twisted tri -colored threads on the mothers right wrist, to protect her too. this has been done by a priest, and will remain on the baby until the day comes when he no longer wants it on him and pulls it off or asks to remove it. this umbilical stump is considered a "brother" to the baby and is always with him so that he is never alone. the placenta has been buried at the front of the house and is watered and also a good omen for the well being of the child.

it is usual for babies in indonesia to begin to eat around 6 months of age, but in bali the mothers give their children a banana as early as one month, especially if the baby cannot breast feed all day while his mother is at work. he is also given a bottle with powdered milk. no pacifiers are used since they say it is not good for the jaws and teeth and too difficult to break the habit later.

diapers are not used either, but rather little underpants that are changed each time. the baby is only held in someones arms all the time, or asleep. but never left alone in a crib or anywhere. if the baby starts urinating or excreting, they do not move him, but just stay still and let it drip on whoever is holding him, because otherwise a sudden movement to avoid getting peed on will only cause the baby to stop urinating and just do it again later so, may as well let them do it and be done with it. if they sense the baby is excreting, they encourage an easy bowel movement by raising the babys' feet in the air and shaking them a bit. and then just removing the soiled underpants and a new pair is put on. already from this age they begin to take the child over the toilet and encourage certain body movements of holding them over the toilet so that they will already learn to use it....an adult toilet....

there is no concerted effort made to be quiet so the baby will sleep or not to move him or anything. he is sung to and rocked in the mother in laws arms when he is tired. while i was visiting he never made a sound. all that we did was just sit with him, and those around him make silly faces and sounds and pull and pinch him in order to get a response, and if someone leaves, his hand is already being artificially moved in a goodbye gesture so that he will be communicative and intimate with those around him. he is not encouraged at any stage to crawl, but already at the age of 2 months they were standing him up all of the time. they believe that around the age of one years old the child will either be physically inclined, or verbally inclined. and so no one is really preoccupied with a growth chart...they will walk when they walk and speak when they speak. and are usually toilet trained about this time either because they themselves walk over to the toilet, or because they ask to go.


there will be a 3 month old ceremony, but no one knows yet when that will be, since it depends on an auspicious day and other things...so even though she plans to take 5 days off of work in order to prepare all of the offerings for this important ceremony, she has no idea when that will be....

when i asked what kind of baby gift i can bring, the suggestions were: baby soap or oil, detergent to wash his clothes, some clothes, or money.
breastfeeding continues as long as the child wants it. and today i even saw my other friends 3 year old just putting his mouth to her breasts even while she kept her bra and shirt on, it is clearly a great comfort and is on demand by the child when needed.

since most of the lifestyle here is very low key and laid back, there is not much artificial stimulation of objects. just people interacting with him, trying to get his attention by calling him by name alot, and maybe a toy or two that are improvised from whatever happens to be around. her mother in law seemed quite happy to be caring for her new grandson, and so did the mother seem happy to be a mother, but also working. he has 3 names; the first is the name for "firstborn" - gede, and the next two names were chosen by the father, even if the mother doesn't really like them. it will be the father that will make all the decisions now regarding his child and who knows...they just may follow in the footsteps of many other couples where the mother is the breadwinner and the father stays home with the child for the first couple of years, peacefully passing the time just sitting around.