mother and child

the three year old boy was sweet, but getting a bit aggressive with banging his plastic sword at everyone and everything. after having pretended to hit his mother with it, he instead tore at her blouse, ripping off the top bottom to her surprise. i thought she would be angry, but instead she ignored it and proceeded to unbutton two more buttons and remove her breast from her bra and give it to her child. they slowly settled down on the mattress on the floor and he became quiet and engaged in nursing, even though he eats three meals a day plus snacks. i had no idea she was still nursing him, since she had been working full time for months now. it was nice to see how casual and natural she was about it. i wondered if this is part of what enables them to grow up as pretty independent confident people,

then today, while i visiting another woman, and mother to two girls, she too most casually got up from the mattress to meet me with both breasts out since she had been nursing her one and a half year old, as we sat around she continued to pull out her breasts to nurse on demand. this little girl was content as she nursed from one breast and played with the nipple of the other breast between her fingers, as had the 3 year old boy with his mother. i began to realize that women in bali had gone bare breasted in public, until only some 70 years ago...it seemed like the uninhibited and natural attitude towards this in public, regardless of whether there are men or women around, is part of their former culture.

i heard other tales of other women friends that i know; one young woman of 24, that had a 4 year old daughter and had been unhappily married and cheating on her husband who was paranoid from it, had finally gotten a divorce. she looked more beautiful than ever, had returned to live with her parents again, instead of being with her husband and in-laws. but the price she had to pay for her freedom was that she no longer sees her daughter any more. the father has total possession of the children after divorce, without any contact with the mother.

another acquaintance, had married young and pregnant, had given birth to a son, (the desired first child) and was already back at work, since her mother-in-law, who's house she lives in,( since after marrying the woman moves to the husbands family), was taking care of the prized grandson, and wouldn't even let her daughter in law nurse the baby for some reason. the young girl was too afraid of the mother in law, and also of her husband, to even say anything, even though she is the rightful mother of the baby.

but it doesn't always have to turn out like this. another newly married and young mother also gave birth to a son, and already at the age of one month is back to work, and balancing nursing and working together with the help of her mother in law.

i have just spent time in a communal settlement in israel where much of the background "noise" during the day and night was the crying of babies and children. i do not know what is different here, whether it is the extended family or the on demand nursing, and no use of pacifiers, or the active parenting of fathers, or just the energy here, but for the most part, kids are pretty content and there don't seem to be power struggles going on with parents and children that one sees in the western world.