returning

transitions enable seeing things in a new way. so returning to bali after a 2 week stay in israel is an opportunity to try and put my finger on what suddenly makes my heart sing.  first of all, it is having total amnesia as regards bali, until i return here. it is wiped out of my mind during the first 24 hours or so of being away, and leaves no visible clues to hang on to. so as i exited the airplane and suddenly felt the warm comfortable air on my skin, i suddenly realized what i needed weather wise! it is like being in a womb where the temperature stays the same and feels just right.

next was the relaxed and simple atmosphere at the airport passport control. having been in transit for 3 days, and been through passport control in israel, jordan, abu dhabi bangkok and singapore during that time, it was easy to feel the difference of smiling faces and human contact with an open heart. it was like meeting old friends. and even though i was disappointed and surprised not to see a familiar face of my cab driver picking me up once i exited, the situation was soon resolved with smiles and laughter about the price and the long drive (3 hours) to my place on the northern coast.as i hired a cab. life in bali is happening right on the sides of the narrow roads, so that too makes everything feel close and intimate. the dogs were the only ones up and about at 1 in the morning and i was happy not to have to come in contact with the "shadow side" of  bali that is out and about from midnight till 3. so the ride was without seeing any ghosts or spirits, just dogs respectfully moving to the side of the road as our lone car passed them. the fog over part of the drive up the mountainside only brought a chuckle to my new driver, as he commented on how difficult it is to see and drive like this. laughter is their reaction of choice in most circumstances.

by 3 a.m. we had reached the main road of my village, which was all closed up at that hour...no neon signs or anything...just a lone motorbike or two starting to bring goods to the morning market that would be opening in another hour. although a new dirt road had been made leading to my house, the driver chose not to chance driving on the steep narrow path, and left me off on the main road to walk the 5 minute walk with my little cellphone flash light and carry on bag. as my feet touched the narrow dirt path, i heard the rushing of the water that was flowing through the irrigation ditch along the side of it, and soon found myself plodding through the mud while holding my long skirt in the air. ah...so this is what it is going to be like once the rains begin! with flip flops everything is possible.

happy to arrive at the cement path leading to the compound and that the dog did not wake everyone up by barking at me, i happily walked past the small rooms and grounds until i reached the house i am living in. my friends had chosen to sleep there in order to welcome me once i arrived. i was glad the door was unl0cked, and that the four of them were sprawled out on the two mattresses on the floor, fast asleep. after using my cozy squat toilet, and  "showering" by pouring cool water on my feet from the water tub and little bucket, i was happy to see my girlfriend suddenly open up her eyes enough to give a welcome hug and fall back asleep. and i was finally back in my little peaceful empty cream colored bedroom, laying on a mattress after being in transit for 3 days and using airplane seats and airport chairs to sleep on. suddenly i heard raindrops and realized the first rain was now falling on the new roof, and the long awaited rains were now dampening the good earth. i looked out the open window and was surprised to see how tall all of the new plants in the garden had gotten after just 2 weeks! unbelievable!

as the dawn broke, i too awoke and felt "at home". fresh papayas from the neighbors tree had been purchased by amerta, since he knew i love to start the morning meal with them. next his mother showed up with a big smile and sparkling eyes. it is not balinese style to touch people when greeting, so we both just kind of smiled and giggled to greet each other after the 2 week reprieve. even though we can't really speak much to each other, we have made a bond in different ways. she later appeared with a plate with food she had prepared for her and her husband for the day; steamed white rice, a little piece of fried fish, a teaspoon of spicy sambal and a few tablespoons of spicy cabbage soup all covered by 2 banana leaves. that would be eaten in a few hours at room temperature, once i had finished making the morning offerings of gratitude.

i opened up my small carry on bag, which is all that i returned with, and gave them the used t-shirts, which were excitedly received, and the mints and floor squeegie, which were the only gifts i thought to bring. everything is so cheap here, that anything i bought abroad would be ridiculously overpriced and outrageous if they knew how much i paid for it. and since i lack  nothing, and neither do they, i had preferred to not play santa claus. but did regret not having thought a little more about something for everyone. 

once i was alone i saw how much i appreciate my daily routine of making offerings, of showering, and of going around the house and grounds, speaking words of gratitude to god for the water, the fire, the air, the food, the friendship, the earth, the protection, the sleep, the balance in our lives, and the oneness of it all. it is a time of connecting to something much greater than the world i see, and it is an important part of my life here. i tried to continue doing it while in israel, but was "forced" to stop by a series of obvious obstacles that were showing me that this is not done in israel! i respected that...even though it left me feeling cut off from my "Source". 

as i sat on the porch, looking out at the forest while i began to eat the ripe delicious orange papaya, a parade of 10 yellow butterflies began to fly on the dirt road in front of me. i marveled at what perfect timing it was and how happy they made me feel, and welcome! and after they continued their dance for the fifth time, i had a feeling that i was bringing them as much pleasure as they were bringing me! they were just as happy that i returned as i was. and in the midst of all of this idylia, the sound of the chain saws began. aha...a bit of reality. bali is growing....the north is growing...the forest is being cut down by young families that have "made it" so they can build a house on a small piece of land. how much longer will the dirt paths and forests and butterflies and pigs and cows and grasshoppers be around? how soon until the tree lined fishermans shore becomes a row of villas owned by foreigners?  

i set out at noon to say hello to my former landlord and also to apologize for waking her up at midnight to find out where my cab driver was or wasn't. she greeted me with fresh mangos from her garden  and lots of patience as i tried to copy/paste (unsuccessfully) photos i had taken of her lovely villa. next down to the resort by the sea where i charged up my internet stick and was kindly and patiently explained to about copy/paste, and welcomed back. from there i walked to my favorite spot at the sea, on a big curving rock at shore beneath the huge tree, and just enjoyed seeing the lovely water and view. my body was taking in all of the impressions, that are so natural and simple here, and had been replaced by olive trees and distant views of the mediteranean sea during my 2 week stay in yodfat.

as i walked back to my house through the forest, saying hello to a smiling man i don't know that passed me on his motorbike, and feeling the dirt beneath my feet, and the priest calling out hello from his garden as i passed his house, and my neighbor coming over to the wall that separates the property and welcoming me back, even though i have only seen him once, i asked myself, what is it that makes me feel so open and happy and at peace and at one? i have no idea...i just know that it happens to me when i am here. it happens to me when i am suddenly aware of the spiraling smoke from the incense rising to the sky from my offering at dusk, that makes me feel connected to something much greater, and that i have not found anywhere else, but here. i am grateful for the opportunity to participate in this lifestyle. and i count my blessings for each moment that i can feel this way. it is a gift, it is real, and all i try to do is join in and be grateful for it while it lasts. and i thank all my family and friends that are physically distant from me, but are deep in my heart and who support and encourage me to continue living from my heart, even if i don't understand it. amen