my eyes suddenly opened and when i looked at the clock next to my head, it informed me that it was already 5:50...and that i was too late to get to the sea to see the sunrise. hmm...that had never happened yet...now what? as i lay in bed contemplating whether to quickly get dressed and get to the sea, or just to forget about it and do my morning ritual on the porch, i was suddenly bombarded by the loudest noise of animals i had ever heard! within an instant, instead of the odd rooster or chicken or bird singing out their song, suddenly a symphony of every rooster, chicken and bird in the forest surrounding me had joined together and were screeching out something!? i continued to listen, knowing that if a pig was being slaughtered they also suddenly all join in accompanying the howling pigs' last breath. but no...no pig sounds, and there was nothing anxious about their sounds....more like jubilation, or announcing something...
and then i realized it! "here comes the sun!" this is how the animals in the forest greet the rising sun. what a surprise. i had spent my mornings by the sea, at the edge of the forest, listening to the waves or the silence, and had missed this major morning tribute by them to the newly dawning day. it continued for another minute or two, approximately the amount of time it takes for the sun to fully appear on the horizon, and then it slowly descended to the usual cookadoodledoo of a cock or two every few seconds, with a cow mooing and some birds singing too.
i laughed how i had received such a gift just when i thought that i had missed out on the sunrise. i decided to go down to the sea in any case since i love doing my exercises in the shining rays of the morning sun on the black rocks and sand. when i got there i scanned the shoreline to see where i could stand that would be level and smoothish. just as i began to do the tai chi warm up exercises, i heard a new sound. i continued facing the sun while exercising, but something in my mind was trying to recognize this unfamiliar yet familiar sound that repeated itself again after a minute or so.
just as i turned my head to look in the direction it was coming from, i saw that the tide had created a small cascade of the stones and that what i was hearing was like a little waterfall as the waves pulled back over the rocks creating this lovely trickling sound. what a gift! each morning there are new sounds to the waves; their speed, their force, and now this lovely new cascading sound bringing happiness to my heart each time.
i continued to do my exercises with the sounds of the sea in the background, anticipating the new cascading sound behind me. but suddenly it was no longer there. how strange? what happened to my new sound? ("who moved my cheese?")! and then the realization occurred to me; "how could i expect it to stay that way? the sea is constantly changing. the ebb and flow of each moment is also the ebb and flow of the sea coming in closer to shore or going further out. no more cascade."
i again laughed as i saw that being an obsessive compulsive personality, i love and need things to repeat themselves again and again and the belief that if there is more of something, it will be better. so my desire for more of this same lovely sound was now teaching me that there is no more. it was. now there is something else. just as magnificent, just as amazing, just as new, just as different. no need to cling, hang on, hold on, remain in what was. trust that the next moment is just as magnificent as the past one was. and only by constantly experiencing change can i appreciate even more each moment.
the memory of the two little piglets laying dead on the ground yesterday after i had just seen them all snuggled up sleeping on top of each other a few hours beforehand, appeared in my mind. change. i wanted them to stay alive. but they were dead. now there were six little piglets nursing. then i recalled how the day before, the man who had built the house i am living in, stopped by to visit my landlord as we sat on the porch. i was in shock. i knew him, after seeing him daily for two months, but the man slowly making his way towards us was just a shadow of him!
i quickly asked my friend what i am witnessing. he told me the man had fallen ill a few weeks ago and he is slowly recuperating. as he sat on the porch next to my friend, i tried as best i could to change the expression of despair and confusion from my face. i knew it was not bringing any good energy to this man that was in need of positive vibrations. but i couldn't stop looking at him, almost with my mouth open in disbelief. what had changed? did he dye his hair? did he lose so much weight? where was the sparkle in his eyes that were now just heavy eyelids over eyes that were empty? his mouth that had been vibrant with a lovely smile or seriousness, was now weak and feeble, like an old toothless man, all sunken. this was a man that had spent his life with a sledge hammer cracking boulders, building walls, houses, with strength and vigor. i had never seen someones' spirit disappear so drastically physically and energetically in so short a time.
we sat there, and i continued to look at him, trying to put my finger on what it was that had disappeared. i marveled at what a nice conversationalist my friend is, and how happy the ill man was, sitting there speaking together with him. after about ten minutes i could see a spark of light coming into his dull eyes. i realized the power of "bikur cholim", "visiting the sick". it is a deed in judaism. and now i had seen it before my very eyes. as he slowly walked down the path to make his way back to his house next door, there was a little more life in him.
and now i was still walking back through the forest, reflecting on all of these changes. recognizing as if for the first time, but i guess it is just always the same "lessons" just at a deeper level, how important change, differences, shadow and light, are. how without the lack, the emptiness, i cannot appreciate the fullness, and without the fullness, i cannot appreciate the emptiness. that my constant desire for things to stay the same and always be "good", is a misconception, since i miss out on the exquisiteness of the change that is happening each moment, and inviting me to be here now, in appreciation, and then in the next moment, that reveals itself, and the next...
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