bestowal

her name is ketut, number four, and she is a balinese yiddisheh mama. she has been my landlord for 2 months. she is the epitome of sincere generosity and optimism. she always has a smile when she greets you warmly, and immediately offers me food once we have said hello. "Rice. there is rice inside.Please take." She speaks elementary english, so our conversations are not very deep, but her natural desire to give is what communicates beyond words.

for the month i lived in her family compound, all the food she bought or made included a portion for me, regardless of the fact that i told her numerous times that i am vegetarian, cook my own meals, and don't eat fried food or white rice. and that i eat only until lunch time and not in the evenings. each day anew, as soon as she saw me, she welcomed me to please take some food. i stopped explaining and refusing and just took... it gave her pleasure, and she gave me so much pleasure offering all the time. 

when i heard she was preparing offerings for a ceremony, i offered to help, since i love imitating them and learning all about it all. and when i showed up at 6 in the evening as planned, i was handed my favorite take away meal of gado gado (tofu in spicy peanut sauce) and told to eat first. she had bought it especially for me since she knows i like it...

while helping she continued to offer food, and food to take back home with me, and a bag of rice too and maybe some hard boiled eggs?  and food the next day after her ceremony. she wants nothing in return. i see that what is always foremost in her mind is, "how can i help this person who is suddenly in front of me?" other than renting me a room at 1/3 of the normal price since i didn't have any more than that, and offering to take me to several places in the city, since she was with her truck on her bi-weekly purchasing trip, and immediately offering me 10% commission when i said i would try and get her guest house onto the internet, she just has a very big heart.

for years i have been studying kabbalah with rav laitman. he has tried infinite ways to explain how man must reach a state of bestowal, in order to be called a Man. and that our present state of desire all the time, just desiring and filling our own desires, is the opposite of our final goal. when i stopped by ketuts' shop to say hello last night and refused the rice, since i had just eaten something an hour earlier, she quickly picked up a small bag of special balinese rice sweets that she had bought in the mountain village which is known for them. "Please have one of these. here take the bag, please, i was tired and i bought it. please, take it to your room." 

and me, with a weakness for sweets...couldn't refuse, especially since they were so cutely wrapped in triangular shapes from palm leaves and tied so nicely, and others in steamed banana leaves. I took them, thanked her, and then some customers came in and i left. as i walked home with the little bag of treats i thought "this is bestowal. she is not trying to be polite, she is truly wanting to give to another human being.  there is no ego involved. she just fills the role of being a pipeline of generosity and bestowal. 

she is a woman that was number four of 8 children, who had to help raise her younger 4 brothers since her father died young and her mother had to work, they were penniless so she never had higher education, but helped put her brothers through school by working and paying for them. she is the most generous person i have ever met. everything she buys or gives is of good quality. she is a clever and successful business woman that has built 4 guest rooms and now a house for their only son. all from the sweat of her brow. when i asked her how she did it she said "each time i had some extra money, i bought a few bricks...or a tree....and slowly slowly..."  

she is a wonderful example for me of the miracle of true generosity and bestowal.