i was just reading the monthly newsletter from one of the ritzy holistic resorts here in bali ("5elements") and thinking about how sitting here opposite the sea, in the shade with this cool breeze blowing towards me among the huge trees and blossoming bougainvillea in this lovely new warm sunshiny day, and how i need this, period. and then i read this sentence in the newsletter :
"Our holistic integrative approach is designed to tune-in on the physical, emotional and spiritual levels, allowing an organic healing process to naturally unfold. This begins by attuning to your authenticity and honouring your highest potential. Acknowledging and respecting your individuality,.."
and i realized, "yes, an organic healing process is naturally unfolding as i attune to my authenticity and honour my highest potential and acknowledge and respect my individuality on the physical, emotional and spiritual levels!"...(they have a great writer writing for their newsletter!) but seriously, everyday, i am in awe that i am allowed to live a life like this. and each day it becomes more evident that i HAVE to...let me explain.
while still living in israel, i first had a vision of a bungalow by the sea, so i filled up a big poster board with images of flowers, trees, sea, nice white sheets, healthy food, ethnic people, sunrise, waterfalls, beauty, love. then i found myself inside that vision board 6 months later, in bali. after a year at a resort i realized that i needed some different surroundings and cheaper priced and my vision was now a villa on the sea, which i found and rented for the year. after 2 weeks it fell through and homeless, i was "saved" by some friends who helped me find another place at night. it's right off the sea, not in front of it, and is a little more tame that i expected, but still lovely. it cost more than i could spend so i stayed just for 10 nights, and then moved into the landlords compound with my own room and bath.
it was fun and interesting being part of their lifestyle. the down part was that it was off the main road. having lived in tel aviv one summer off the main road, i knew that people that live like that don't even hear the buses and ambulances and honking anymore...they are used to it, and even NEED it. as the days went by i was surprised to see how the noise level slowly became part of the backdrop and i too was becoming oblivious to it. but each day i would sweep my veranda before putting the offerings out, and the black soot that invisibly covered everything was evident when all swept in a little pile and i knew i was breathing this into my lungs and body day and night and didn't want it. i would spend much of my day at the sea anyways, so i didn't hear all the trucks and motorbikes all day long, but they also continued all night long, and often i would awaken suddenly from a "swooshing " sound like a big wave, which was just a speeding truck going by. there are no speed limits here, so its a free for all and especially at night time.
then the neighbor decided to fix an old motorbike, and the backdrop now included the revving of an old puttering motor for hours combined with an electric drill which i think he was using to actually make each screw, nut and bolt! so even the few hours i was around on my veranda, the air was now filled with this too and it was getting a bit much when his young son would go zooming off to try it out at 11 p.m. with all the puttering sound of it waking me up from the little sleep i did manage to experience.
there were many pluses to living in the compound. one was the price, ($2.50 a night) which included food, water, electricity...the other was being around balinese and getting to see how they really live and work, much mutual help and assistance by them and me with daily goings on, watching them cook, slaughter chickens, prepare ceremonies, meeting the family, transportation to the nearby city, nice generous people, english speakers, and getting to know the neighborhood. the squat toilet and "cold water splashed on my from a bucket" shower were two downfalls, but i was getting used to them too! and i thought, "ah, c'mon....you can get used to this noise level too and just enjoy. anyways you have nowhere else to live and just be like the balinese...they aren't complaining!"
but when it was over a month that i hadn't really slept all night thru, and the revving of the motorcycle was getting to me, along with the racing night trucks i got out of bed (i wouldn't call it "woke up"!) and realized; "I cannot do this one more day!" so....i had already spoken with my landlord who also is the owner of the nice villas by the sea, and she was no longer agreeing to the price we had spoken about a month before. my friends who had just built a new house in the forest were still not organized to move into it and host me there, and there were no other options around. i did a quantum matrix meditation, envisioning me in a beautiful quiet place by the sea. i had no idea which place it would be, just that i deserve the best, and i need it now! my desire was sincere. maybe bourgeoisie, but sincere! i knew i could not spend even one more night like this.
i have tried to let things unfold here, and not initiate them, because i see there is something else "at work" and i can take the passengers' seat most of the time. but this was real and i needed a solution...i approached my landlord at a moment when she was not busy, and told her i haven't slept and i cannot continue with the noise level here. she again took out her 2012 reservation book and started to see what we could do....maybe next week....maybe for just one month, made a few phone calls, again looking at the dates, again, maybe, and i just sat there. blank. here i am trying to find a solution for another 9 months, and she is talking about maybe one month...ugh.
then i realized that this is what god is bringing me. there must be a reason. otherwise he would be bringing me something else. so, why do i think i know that i need a solution for 9 months, when reality is bringing me one for one month? after a few more phone calls she suddenly said "yes. there is a room available from today, would you like to move in now?" "YES!" " okay." "and the price?" "yes, as you said before, fine for one month." that was it....so simple...people had cancelled, the price was suddenly acceptable....
i packed up my belongings in no time and ran there! (actually on a motorbike with my stuff in hand) and when i unpacked and was back in paradise, at the same place that i go to everyday, the same sea, the same gardens, but now i could live here for a month, and not just visit it a few times a day, i could wake up here, sit here, go to the toilet here, go back to my room and have something to eat here, just sit on the veranda and not hear anything except the "swooshing " of the trees and waves (and not the swooshing of the trucks) i was ecstatic! i felt like a person that had not had water for a month, and was given fresh spring water in unlimited quantities. i realized that bali is magnificent, yes, the culture, the people, the religion, the lifestyle, but....i need this too....this is a real organic personal authentic, spiritual, emotional and physical need that i must acknowledge and respect. it doesn't matter that no one else has this need, i do. and yes, it is possible to be in survival mode like i was for 5 weeks, and slowly get used to conditions that are acceptable to most people, but not for me. and that i must listen to my inner voice and even if the whole world things i am crazy or self centered or running away from them or reality, all i am doing is listening, acknowledging and respecting my needs so that i can be in joy, and then have joy to share with everyone else, once i have filled my own needs. nothing like" lack" in order to teach a lesson in gratitude and sincere prayer and intention.
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