This
morning I woke up early to do my daily "meditation" of sweeping and
washing the floor in the rooms of the house I am living in. I had noticed a
friend sent me an email, and read it before I began my day. She was sharing
about the difficulty and actually retiring and the desire to do so, along with
the fear of whether she will have enough money to live the rest of her life
without working anymore. She wanted my opinion. I felt like the last person in
the world that could answer that question in a way that would be relevant to
her life. Here I was, sweeping the floor of the porch, and my main concern in
life was whether the baby gecko that hides in the corner during the night and
rushes off quickly when I move the bag of dried flower petals that I keep in
the corner where he has suddenly made his home, will still be there this
morning, so I can show the little 7 year old girl that is my gecko loving
partner each evening as we watch them on the ceiling. That really is my biggest
concern today. It is a wonderful feeling not to
think about work, money, the future….and just live a simple life. I guess
I have been blessed with a total lack of interest in anything having to do with
old age and cost of living and really feel that my life could end at any moment…what
do I know? So why even deal with it beyond a small savings that I have? I just
kind of trust that no matter how much I have or whatever situation I find
myself in, there will be a way to manage, otherwise I wouldn't have been placed
in that situation!
And
as those thoughts went through my mind I ever so carefully moved the plastic
bag of dried flowers so if the baby gecko was still there I could get a good
look at him and maybe even have a chance to call the little girl to see him
close-up. Yep, there he was, and he wasn't even moving…great…maybe asleep? But as
I nudged him with the broom bristles I realized he was dead. Just born a few
days ago and dead already. I was so sad and disappointed. Why?
I went
to the little girl who was laying in bed watching television. How can I tell
her this in Indonesian? Hmm…I remembered once when someone died, one of my Balinese
friends did a pantomime of "sleeping" as she explained that the
person died. I could do that….okay. but as I stood next to the television to
catch her attention I found myself pantomiming sleeping, followed by a
"thumbs down" gesture when she asked me if the gecko is asleep. And then
another movement like an umpire at a baseball game saying the player is
"out"! all accompanied with my sad facial expression and nodding head
negatively. She looked at me for a split second and with both of her hands made
a beautiful flowing feminine gesture of a soul rising up to the heavens, smiled,
nodded her head in recognition and continued watching television.
I was
so surprised by the naturalness of her response. The fact that we had both
oogled over the new born baby gecko the evening before did not mean that now we
had to be all sad and confused about his death. It was simply his time to go to
heaven….all is as it is meant to be.
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