the tattoo vow

My friend had gone through a painful and sad separation from his wife, finding himself as a single parent of three kids and moving out of his old house into a new one. He passed sleepless nights for months, while continuing to cope with the situation, and work at the same  time, in order to support his family and function. During this difficult period he turned to god often for guidance and help. He made a vow with god that when he will finally be able to sleep through the night again, he will make a tattoo in gratitude.

I met him 7 months after the separation. He had lost a lot of weight, and was not his usual light happy self. He told me about the sleepless nights and his vow. I was surprised about the concept! Why a tattoo of gratitude, and suggested maybe just a thank you and forget about the tattoo. I did not realize the seriousness of the vow at the time.

Over the past month of our living together in the same house, I saw how from day to day he began to laugh, and sleep better. In the beginning he would be out in the garden by 5:30 sweeping, disposing of the offerings from the previous evening, and watering, and caring for the cocks and roosters. But as the weeks passed, he was waking up just in time to get his daughter up and ready for school and I was taking care of the morning tasks more and more. Then came the first rainfall of the season two nights ago. Bucketfuls of rain from three in the morning until mid morning. I was up from the noise on the metal roof of the rainfall, but he and the kids were still sleeping when it was time for school. They eventually got up, said "oh, so wet!" and decided to celebrate by not going to school and going in late to work. I assumed all the kids had stayed home and there was no class. But later that evening he mentioned that the following morning his daughter would be bringing an offering to school in acknowledgment for the full moon, and would be wearing temple clothing instead of the school uniform.

So yesterday, when I rose, again before them, and beginning my morning tasks, and I saw that again they were asleep, I was a bit concerned. Does he have an alarm clock? What if she is late for school on this auspicious day? Should I wake them up or is that disrespectful to the Balinese? As I passed back and forth past their open bedroom door and saw the clock ticking away with less and less time for them to get dressed and out on time, I kept wondering how involved to get in their lives. With less than fifteen minutes to go until he wisks her off on his motorbike to school I decided to go into their bedroom and wake him up so he would know what time it was.

It took a minute or so as I repeatedly called his name until he suddenly sat up with palms of hands in a gesture of prayer and respect to me and opened eyes. I was surprised by his ability to be so focused upon awakening, even though he had done it during a nap a few days previously when I woke him up for a patient that needed him. I told him it is almost time for his daughter to go to school. He thanked me and I left the room, and they left more or less on time. No more words were spoken.

I knew he had the day off because it was Saturday, and was surprised that after taking her to school, he left the house for hours, leaving his younger 4 year old with me and his older daughter. I figured that he probably is just finally feeling his old self again after months of coping with the new circumstances alone, and just wanted some time to hang out with friends or whatever. I was happy that by my staying around the house, he was able to feel some freedom and do something other than work and single parenting. And so the day passed. In the evening he made a big fish grill for the whole extended family, for no apparent reason, and we all enjoyed.

This morning while I was speaking to him, I suddenly noticed that peeking out of his v-neck t-shirt were some blue and red colors of a tattoo! I stopped mid-sentence and said excitedly "You made a tattoo!"  And so he began to tell me the story.

"When you came into my bedroom yesterday morning and called my name in order to wake me up, I realized that I had finally slept a whole night after all these months of sleepless nights. When I opened my eyes and saw you I immediately remembered my vow to god, that if I will ever sleep through the night I will make a tattoo in gratitude. So I had to go this morning after I dropped my daughter off to school, and I sat there for two hours while he made this tattoo. I had to do it. Otherwise I would risk the anger of god and would not be keeping my word."

I asked if I could see it, and he pulled the v-neck to the side and showed me a very beautiful large tattoo that covered his entire right breast. "it is Pisces, my sign. I wanted to express the harmony I feel of a male and female so there are two fish here, the smaller one is the female and the larger the male. They are swimming in harmony like in the shape of a circle. I have placed it here on my right side since the right side is the side of the Light, opposite my heart. If I would have put it on my bicep, it would not have been stable. It must be here, very stable and in balance, and harmonious. It hurt so much when he did it, but now I am fine."

I asked if he had seen this tattoo by the man, or what. "No. I went and bought 2 needles to make sure they were sterilized. Then I went to my patient that does these very beautiful tattoos and told him my idea and asked him to please make a drawing first. Once I saw his idea and shared what needs to be changed; that the fish are nice and not with an open mouth, and they are together and beautiful, then we agreed and he began to draw it. Even though this way of doing it took much longer, it was important to me that my vow express my feelings of gratitude for how you have changed my life. If you did not walk into my room yesterday morning to wake me up, maybe I would not have paid attention that I had slept all night. I would have just woken up and started the day. So when you came into the room and called my name I knew it was god calling me. You are the first person to see it. I will wait three months until I show it to people at work, or take off my shirt if I play soccer. The Balinese believe that three months is the amount of time that represents acceptance. After three months, you can accept changes; a new baby, or anything. I do not care what people will think about this tattoo. Maybe they will be angry with me that I did it. I prefer that they be angry with me than that god be angry with me that I did not keep my vow. That is the important thing. Ever since my marriage ended I have had to deepen my connection with god. It is not something to play with. I must be serious. I am so happy now. There is harmony and balance."

And I had wondered whether or not to wake him up….