i had seen young balinese girls being made up and dressed for a dance performance and knew that they just attach a long black pony tail, to their own hair so that it will come down to their waist. i thought, maybe i will get hold of one of those and surprise them and show up with my hair slicked back and a long!? but on second thought i noticed that half of them had shortish hair, so no big deal, they will also not have a long straight black pony tail. now just to find a green kabiya....
at the end of the session the women were going over the times, and where to meet and how we file in etc. all of this i picked up just by intuition, but thought i better find out exactly, and had made' call one of them to verify. she told him that we would be performing already tomorrow at the preparations and also on wednesday as planned at the main ceremony. i managed to borrow the green kabiya, and had nyoman prepare me an offering to bring.
a few days before when i had carried an offering on my head to the temple, it was difficult to hold it with my arm for half and hour and i had decided that i must learn how to balance it on my head like they do. i asked the girls how they learned how to do it and nyoman said that you just try and suddenly you can walk with it and that i can start with a basket of eggs! no! and i found some fruits and started to practice walking around the grounds with the basket on my head. it was difficult at first, but as they said i soon picked it up. the following morning i decided to try with a water bottle on my head, having seen young girls doing that one day too. surprisingly enough it was going well! so...i was ready to chance it.
i dressed up and decided to take an hour to walk the 20 minute path so that i could practice balancing it on my head. i took the offering in its little straw box, and started off....holding it with my hand. but after a few steps i decided its either now or never. not wanting the offering to go tumbling onto the ground and no longer pure, i took tiny baby steps the whole way, and didn't look right or left. an interesting experience. people that said hello along the way got a verbal response and a slight hand wave, but no eye contact, since i was not going to chance turning my head in any direction! they laughed. i don't even know which balinese they were, since i was just focused on looking straight ahead the whole time. by the time i reached the temple, i was feeling more confident and enjoying it, going at this slow pace moving gracefully.
when i entered the temple the first person i noticed was my guardian angel, ketut! i was so happy, since he was the one that had told me a week after i arrived the name of the woman that would help me with the gamelon, but it took another 6 weeks until we actually met and i received the information. and i so much wanted to thank him for "planting the seed" then. so there he was, looking straight at me as i entered the temple. he was standing with some men, and there was a long white cloth leading from the ground up the steps to the altar....i didn't know whether "we" (simple worshippers) were allowed to walk on it, or it is for the priests or for the gods?? so i walked to the side of it to say hello. only now, looking back, do i realize that it was not the most appropriate thing to do, since when entering the temple with the offering on your head, it is not the time to start socializing, but rather to light the incense sticks, walk up the stairs, place it down and say a blessing, and then sit down on the ground with the other worshippers to participate in the 15 minute praying of the priests and being blessed with the holy water (they sprinkle it first on your head as you sit with palms open on your knees, then you place right hand into left and he drops water from the little coconut whisk onto your hand 3 times, and each time you bring it to your mouth and sip it, then 3 more times in your right palm and each time you drip it on the top of your head, and then he serves you a little plate of damp raw white rice grains and you take a smidgen with your right hand and place it in your left palm and then take a few grains each time placing it on the third eye, behind each ear, tongue, throat, heart and top of head. and then say a little prayer of thanks. then the Om shanti shanti shanti om signal that you are leaving the god in the temple and taking your offering back home, it having been blessed by the priests and also a little plastic bag of holy water has been placed in it to give to family members that weren't able to come, or for you to drink a sip each day.)
so....i thanked him, he smiled, and asked if i would like to bring the offering to the altar and i said yes and he offered to accompany me, since he probably knew i had never done it before. he motioned that i, yes, walk on the white sheet...it is for the worshippers. and then he passed me over to another man that took the offering, lit the incense and put it in place. so again, i hadn't done it myself. but, maybe next time.
after the praying i sat in the courtyard and figured i would wait until i see the women from the orchestra also wearing green kabiyas and red sashes....after 3 hours of sitting there, and wondering why none of them have come, i spotted one of them and she came over smiling and happy to see me. she told me that we are not supposed to play today, only tomorrow at 6 in the evening...ahh....
and during those 3 hours that i sat there, i was listening to the men playing the gamelon, watching how the women guffawed (now i know what it means!) whenever anyone tripped on the floor mat, which is always their way of coping with embarassment; exaggerate it, and let all involved have a good laugh. i also sat with mithas mother who suddenly knew how to speak english with me, even though she has never said a word, and i was watching the people praying, watching the continuous flow of worshippers coming and going, just watching how this whole mechanism works, and for what, and why and where. once i realized that we weren't playing today, i had had enough. i wondered why the other woman had said that i should come today? i saw there was a moment of a feeling that i "wasted my time and money" but quickly remembered that everything is exactly the way it is supposed to be. there are no mistakes, and laughed how lucky that i did come since i met ketut and was able to thank him, and enjoyed listening to the gamelons, and saw how the community functions at ceremonies. got a close up preview of what will happen the following day and the $2 i spent on the offering....i will consider a gesture of gratitude, even though i am the one that takes it back home to eat and drink!
the following day i enjoyed just relaxing, and then suddenly was rushing around getting dressed again, as i realized that walking with the offering on my head again is going to take a while, and praying before and ....so there i was, "rushing" out the gate to get to the temple on time. ridiculous. how was i going to walk quickly with it on my head?! but to my surprise, just like with the hoola hoop, having "slept on it" you suddenly can do it better the next day. so i was able to walk much quicker and more at ease, and actually marveled at how the body learns these things that are totally impossible at first. when i reached the temple steps, the gate was closed, and 3 policemen were "directing traffic" since thousands of worshippers were coming and going from 4 a.m. until 9 p.m. it was 5. we had to play at 6...and there i was, first in line, but for the next influx of worshippers, since it was full at the moment. i started berating myself for leaving so late and being in a crunch. what will i do if i am in the middle of the ceremony and the other women all sit down to play? get up and leave? can i play without having prayed and been blessed first? and then again, a moment of acceptance, that this is exactly what is supposed to be happening, all is perfect, relax. its bali.
and soon i found myself being squeezed in the "temple squeeze" again, with no where to go forward, but 50 villagers wanting to get in. ridiculous. what i didn't realize was that they were all nimbly getting their incense lit and placed in the open baskets on their heads, without any fuss, so that they could just parade right up that white sheet on the stairs and get their offering put in place and get a comfortable place on the ground. with not a centimeter to move my hands or body, i realized that that was one detail i had overlooked, and that once i do get in, i am going to have to find a way to get the incense lit and inside the basket while everyone is rushing in, and i am "in a hurry", since we play in another 30 minutes! i tried doing it while walking, unsuccessfully, and then stopped, but was pushed aside, and then did not remember that they always seem to find a "protected" place to light their match and hold the 3 incense sticks down at an angle so that the wind won't blow out the match....aha...so they all had a good giggle again, watching me trying to light match after match, for each stick of incense that i placed in a fan display in the basket, not realizing it was not going to be easy to light like that. and at the same time, trying to hold the offering in one hand, at at least shoulder level, out of respect, and cannot place it down on the ground or anything. it was then that i realized that everyone either comes with a child, a mother, a sister, a husband, who helps them get the match lit and the sticks lit and in place while it is still on their head. oh well.
i decided to choose a place to sit that would be close to where i placed my offering so i could avoid the "om shanti" rush afterwards, and get quickly to the orchestra group before it was 6! all went well. and i finished on time, and again, sat on the sidelines, and started to look for the other women....but no one in sight. i wondered if i was going to recognize any of them, since wearing a kabiya and sarong makes everyone look very elegant, and i had only seen them until now in t-shirts and pants. again, reminded myself that everything is exactly the way it is supposed to be and no point in worrying, just be in the moment, and trust. so i sat there and watched the people praying again, and all the dynamics of parents and children and men, and young and old, and the gamelons, and the chanters and lost all sense of time.
suddenly from a different entrance there were a bunch of women waving to me to come over to them, as they waited altogether outside the temple in their lovely pale green flower print kabiya....and me in my chartreuse green....ugh...oh well....when the balinese want to pass by someone, they make a very humble half bowed gesture with their body and place their right hand at a 45 degree angle, as if they are cutting through space, respectfully. and now it was my turn....how was i going to get past all of these hundreds of worshippers to the other side of the temple without being the center of attention, while they are still in the middle of praying? i had already experienced the grossness of my western body language previously that same day when i was about to teach english to the staff. they were sitting in a semi circle waiting for me to join them, and while two of them were talking i just walked in between their "talking" to reach my seat. it was so shocking for me, only once i had plopped myself onto the sofa, did i realize how delicate and humble their energy and interactions are compared to the "elephant in the china shop" that i was as i was totally focused on ME and MY seat and ME getting there the quickest way possible, without considering that i could walk around them and quietly find my place in their circle. what a lesson that was, i immediately asked nyoman, who was seated next to me, if what i did was totally western and insulting to them, she smiled and said "its okay". i continued to question her about us and them, how they are first focused on never disturbing someone elses space, and only secondly on what their own personal agenda is. their priority is always harmony and balance at all times. even today when i was suddenly approached by one of the gamelon women who had come here this morning in order to invite me to see a piece of property off the sea that she is interested in selling and thought i might want it, i just said "no thanks". made', who was standing there, translating, gently explained to me in a humorous way that it would be a nice gesture to go with her even if i do not want to buy it today. maybe one day i will be dreaming, and i will see coconut trees, and i will think, "oh, maybe i will build a house where there are nice coconut trees" and then i will have seen her property and can buy it, who knows" . and i realized that first, i must listen to her, and respect her, and understand that this is something that she initiated because she thought it was a nice idea for me, and to return that gesture with an act of respect too, even if nothing will come of it. it is so different than my very direct, immediate, straightforward, short answers that i always give. someone had also told me a few days earlier that the balinese will never say "no". they will say "later", "maybe", "lets see", "oh", "yeah", but not "no", which is an insult and shows a lack of sensitivity towards the other person. i can understand this because of my kabbalah studies, which for me has the same priority of always seeing the other as "greater than you" so that when the common goal is "love thy neighbor as thyself" the "thyself" is that you want everything that you want! so can i give my neighbor that same priority, that same love?
where were we? oh yes, so i took a deep breath, did a half bend with 45 degree outstretched arm, and just "cut" my way over to where the women were, again concerned that here i am with my rice grains on my forehead, having prayed, and once i go out the gate of the temple, i will have to pray again in order to play! why are they doing this to me?! oh well. trust,
i walked out the gate, only to find 21 lovely women, all looking beautiful with make-up, identically dressed with gold and pink stoned earrings, a gold broche, a gold barrett in ALL of their black buns (they all had big black fake buns attached to their hair, so that's why they were laughing that they didn't have a bun to give me too!)
when they saw me in kabiya and sarong and sash, it was as if i was suddenly "one of them" and they all started speaking to me, giving me the thumbs up, even knew english and were asking my name, where i live in america...maybe also because they saw the rice grains still stuck on my forehead and they realized i had prayed, or just their excitement before the performance. we had our own little shortened prayer ceremony with the priest before filing onto the bale, having left our flip flops thrown right and left in the narrow pathway (nothing like in japan where everyone places them next to each other facing the direction that will be easy to put on, all in rows!)
and there we were, filing in and each woman going to sit down at her instrument, and they were all seated and...i found myself standing, looking around, as there was one less gamelon...what a joke! i had prayed in the morning telling god that whatever is supposed to be with the performance, let it be, so here i was letting it be...all dressed up and no gamelon to play on! i was fine with it, thought that god has a cute sense of humor and i was quite willing to just walk off stage. it isn't really a stage, it is a raised platform, and no one is even looking at you, since they are all filing in and out and praying, and we are just the backdrop of music to keep the atmosphere sacred. and the senses focused ( i think). the woman that usually sits next to me and doesn't speak english, quickly made room for me to play together with her on her gamelon. i refused and told her that she should play and i am fine. but she insisted, gesturing one song me, one song her. and that is what we did. it worked out fine. it was all very simple and natural and enjoyable. when we finished playing our 5 songs, off we went, allowing the mens gamelon orchestra to continue this marathon of 3 days of playing 17 hours a day. but they were laughing and taking breaks and having a good time. we sat down nearby and i realized that just like you pray before playing, you also pray after playing.
once we were blessed again, the mad scramble of temple squeeze, out the door this time. one orchestra woman insisted that i take the little bag of food, so off i went, my offering on my head, and a plastic bag with some cold white rice and a few sate kebabs of pig and coconut with fresh blood....a meal given to those that have given service at the temple (i treated the dogs to mine, since i do not eat that food, and didn't want to just throw it out) i was happy to be walking home in the dark now, balancing my offering on my head as if i had done it my whole life. there was a bit of curiosity on my behalf of whether i would be the focus of the talk of the town since a westerner had played the gamelon, but i was grateful that other than one man giving me a thumbs up and imitating the hand movements of the gamelon, i was not really an attraction.
and now we have "holiday" and no practicing for the time being. but i am very grateful to their open hearts, support and compliments from all the women afterwards that i played well, and the feeling of a group.
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