humility and laughter

here in bali i feel like i live in a 24 hour kabbalah group! i have been wondering if that is why i am here...i have been told that i am taking the 'easy way out' by going to people that already live in bestowal, instead of doing the hard work to create a group and thus go through the process myself, and not instant! that may be true, i do not know. i just know i am supposed to be here at the moment, without knowing why. and that opposite the balinese i have an excellent mirror. they have put spirituality top priority. work is something they do when they are not at a ceremony. 2/3 of their meager salary goes to the costs of the ceremonies, they live from necessity, they are in bestowal. they humble themselves opposite everyone, they are soft spoken, laugh all the time, and turn to god in prayer for everything, all day.

one of the touching examples is what a guest told me yesterday, that they brought their rented car into the garage to be fixed, and first the mechanic lit an incense stick and placed a flower offering on the ground below the car before he began to see what the problem was. it is clear to all of them that we are just servants here, playing out a role in this physical world in order to practice making god top priority always. and they do it in a way that is so natural and subtle...maybe they do not even know they are doing it....i know they are...

and this morning when i was watching the sunrise, there were lots of dark clouds, as if it was going to rain, and the sea was very strong, and as the sun began to rise over the water, the infinite rays of light suddenly were visible thanks to the dark clouds...because otherwise, if the sky was clear, and there was no contrast of darkness near the lightness, it would have been invisible. and as i watched it i realized why we always need to be at the other extreme in order to see how opposite we are from god.

the other day i was walking over to the sofa here to sit down with the staff to begin our english lesson, the 3 of them were already seated in a semi circle and i had gotten up to get something and was coming back to my place. two of them were talking to each other and i walked inbetween them 2 steps in order to get to my seat in the shortest quickest way. and suddenly i realized what i had done. i had cut the energy with my physical body in such a grotesque way. and only opposite their soft, sensitive, low voices and presence, did my "self will" to get to my seat, appear. they are always aware of their surroundings and others and never just "jump out" with their ego. they have egos, no problem, but they always put the other one first, and then quietly may or may not say their opinion. after i had sat down i looked at one of them and said that what i just did, no balinese would ever do, right? and she smiled kindly and said "its okay" and we spoke about it a bit, and it is this western mind that is so goal oriented and focused on saving time and quick and short, that we have lost the sensitivity to the delicate interactions between and around us.

it happened yesterday too, i was sitting with the gardener and maintenance man, brainstorming about a little bamboo box to make for tips, and he told me his idea, (i had initiated the request to make a box) and suddenly while i was sitting there i spotted a piece of bamboo that was cut just like i was trying to explain to him so i suddenly got up and took 2 giant steps over to reach it to "show " him, and as i did so, my skirt got caught on a screw and tore. i looked at it and asked myself what was my lesson here? and i saw that i could have just sat there and nodded with him and accepted his idea, or maybe slowly gotten up and suggested my idea....so the torn skirt is a very powerful reminder for me about ego and fast and self will.

also, the other day a woman came by from my music group and wanted to take me to see some land she has where i can buy it and build a house. the balinese maintenance man was translating and as soon as he told me what she wants i said "oh no thanks, i am not buying any land or building a house" . and he smiled at me and said; "it would be a nice gesture if you go with her. she will show you her nice land, and maybe one day you will be laying and dreaming and thinking of palm trees and how nice it would be to have a house, and you will remember the land she showed you" and he smiled and made some more small talk, a few jokes, and i saw, that what was important here was the interaction, the human contact, the honoring of anothers will, the fact that she thought it would be wonderful for me to live here and build a house and she has land to sell....can i appreciate her idea? can i let her realize her desire to show me the land? can i bring her pleasure?

the balinese never say "no" they will say " maybe, later " or smile, but to say no to someone is an insult. their entire goal is balance and harmony. and so whenever something happens that is not in balance and harmony, they strive to bring balance and harmony and trust that each person has his own inner work to do and is at his own level of understanding and will develop at his own perfect pace in sync with gods will and we are not here to change anyone or anything. we trust that the person opposite me is exactly where god has put him at this moment, and when he is supposed to change, or develop, he will, and my only effort is to have compassion, understanding and acceptance and tolerance for whatever is revealing itself at this moment, and see what MY lesson is from what is happening now? what is my "work" here?

the owners have been away for a while and i have kind of "taken on myself" a kind of floor manager approach, noticing what is happening and commenting on it to the staff so that things will run smoothly even though the "big boss" is not around. the day before when some new guests were going in and out of the little gates that lead out to the sea, they left them open, and some stray dogs came in. the balinese are pretty scared of dogs. one of the young women from the staff tried to shoo them out, unsuccessfully and was afraid of being bitten. eventually the man bringing in the big water containers grabbed him and got him to leave. i mentioned to the maintenance man aka guard when big boss is away, that joni, the owners dog, had come in with some "friends". i think i had a kind of intention that he should know what is going on and be more alert if the gates are left open, or whatever. his response had me laughing so hard. he did not "buy into" my semi guilt trip that i was subtly mentioning, but went into a very sweet " oh yes, joni tells them all, come on over, my owner is away, let me show you where i live, you can walk around the grounds, see my house, and all the staff that take care of me, come see the pool, taste some of the delicious food they serve me..." it is clear to me that their use of humor is brilliant...they use it all the time, in place of confrontation. they use it to make you laugh, let go of seriousness and control, accept reality and the flow, and see that all is good, and easy and light. why make a problem out of something if you can make a joke out of it?

when i teach the staff english everyday, much of the time we are belly laughing as each one is suddenly tongue tied, or stunned by my question, or makes the same mistake again. we all just roll with laughter. it is such a wonderful way to learn a language and spend time together. if i think of how it could have been, with pressure to perform, to improve, to be the best, smart, clever. and instead, the unity and love and fun we have is so much more important, and the english just improves and flows out as a by product, instead of the straight and narrow goal.

each day brings new understandings and more and more layers. things are subtle. when i went to see the land that the woman wanted to sell, i saw an electric wire and poles, that cut across the skyline when looking out to sea, i saw a shoreline that was not lined with huge powerful tall shady trees, or a coast that was not gently curving around, or a nice beach filled with beautiful stones and black sand. and i realized that i am at the place i am at because of all of this. and as the sun set yesterday i went out for a walk along the shore that was suddenly very wide since the full moon ebb had changed it all and it just invited me to come out for a walk alone on the beach.the air was sweet, and i tried to figure out if there is a flower blooming nearby, i saw the reflection of the full moon on the water, i felt at peace with the universe. and in the dark i saw a little red glow from the temple, and i realized that the gardeners wife had just placed incense there, and that was the fragrance that was filling the air, along with all the other women in bali that had placed their sticks of incense and small flower offerings in all of the temples at dusk in honor of the full moon. i just walked along the beach filled with the sensation of perfection....that all of my senses are being delicately nourished from nature and these balinese villagers. and in the dark, suddenly the thin delicate body of made' , the waitress, appeared, coming out on the rocks to find me to tell me that "dinner will be served in 5 minutes". i laughed....how did she know to find me out on the beach in the dark? and so caring....