sunrise with the fishermen

every morning i watch the fishermen come in with their boats and catch, and wonder when did they go out and how did they catch them and what is it like to be a fisherman. so ...i asked Made', the maintenance/gardener/backbone of cili emas resort if it is okay for a woman to go out with a fisherman in the boat, since he is their leader too, having been a fisherman before working at the resort 2 years ago. he immediately walked out the little front gate and asked the 3 men by their boats, and one of them agreed and said to come at 4:15 the next morning.

so, i made sure i didn't hoola hoop while waiting for dinner to be served, since it gives me too much energy and then i can't fall asleep, and i went to bed early hoping that my prayers would be answered and that "somehow" i would wake up on time, since i don't know how to use my digital alarm on my clock....that "somehow" made me laugh as i thanked god at 3:45 for having my next door neighbor make a short cough at that moment, and i woke up, and saw that it was just the time i wanted to wake up, thank you!

i went out in the dark of the pre-dawn sky, but since only two days earlier there had been a full moon (and big ceremonies at the temples here in honor of the lunar eclipse, even though bali itself did not experience it, but in honor of the unique juxtaposition, that elicited recognition towards god) so i could feel my way out to the shore along the rocky black sand. where i awaited my fisherman,. i remember thinking he looked too serious for me, but other than that had no idea what he looked like and hoped he would recognize and remember me.

while waiting for him, i realized that no one else was taking a boat out, so even if we didn't recognize each other, our broken english enabled the connection: "hello", "me go?" "Yes?" "Boat?"Okay?" Next he proceeded to remove the 2 huge dry palm leaves that had been placed on top of the boat when it is not in use. he lined them up from the boat, on the sand in the direction of the sea and placed 2 short tree trunks at either end. this was to enable lifting and pushing the boat from its resting place during high tide on the rocky coast into the sea, as smoothly as possible. i joined him in lifting and pushing the boat that rolled on the tree trunks over the the palm leaves and into the sea. the boat is made from a hollowed out tree trunk so it is quite heavy, and at one point he changed positions and placed the weight of the boat by means of poles that come out on the sides, onto his neck, like a bull in the field pulling equipment. unbelievable. when we finished bringing the boat close to shore, he gestured to stop, and he lifted up each palm leaf, placed it in the other direction along with the trunks of wood and i realized that he was arranging it for the boat upon its return so it would be easy to push up along the groove of the palm leaf.

then he sat down and we waited. i chose to continue standing nearby, but after a while he moved further back to shore and i realized that "when in rome do as the romans" and that he must have felt very uncomfortable sitting on the ground near my feet, and me standing up next to him for 10 minutes....(so next time i will just copy whatever he does...) meanwhile we waited....for what, i did not know, until a while later another older man appeared carrying the motor attached to a rudder which is attached to the boat for the trip. so we were going to be a threesome. fine.

the night before i chose to tell my hosts about my plans to go out early in the morning with the fishermen, just in case i didn't come back for breakfast and they might worry. in the morning a few thoughts crossed my mind like: the crashing of those waves sounds really strong...what happens if i get sea sick?! no life preservers...what happens if we tip over? what happens if he makes a pass at me? jump overboard? and as each of those fears appeared, i looked them in the eyes, and they disappeared. and as i waited to go out to sea, i said my daily prayers and trusted that whatever happens it is gods will and all is well....i am not alone.

with all 3 of us there and the motor attached and the boat by the sea, all that was left was to wait for the right wave in order to give a final push into the sea and jump in. they added a little seat for me; a piece of wood 40 x20 which sat nicely in the narrow tree trunk and was just big enough for my "western" bottom (as compared to the very small build of the balinese!) and off we went, in the dark, with the low hum of the motor to catch some fish.

i was surprised to see that i had an expectation that we would be going off somewhere over the horizon in deep dark waters and would not see any sign of the coast and would have to return by means of there the sun or moon were...but instead we just went off to the west going along quite close to shore for some 15 minutes and then threw the 2 nets in the water there. even though it wasn't as dramatic as i had anticipated, it still felt like some spielberg movie to me...the sea was like some breathing life form, rising and lowering and in the light of the moon it looked like some thick black oil that we were gliding through; very sensuous and new to me. once someone tried to explain to me that waves are not actually the water coming from one place and getting to another, but rather a movement that is going through the water itself. that was a bit amorphous for me to understand then and finally i could experience that this morning; really seeing how there is the sea, and in the sea there is a movement so great that is going through it lifting and dropping the water as it moves to the shore.

after the nets were lowered into the sea, he paddled to shore and we got out of the boat he walked to some dry sand and sat down. i walked to some dry sand and sat down nearby. the other man walked off somewhere in the dark. "we wait till 6" I tried to say 6 in indonesian, grabbing an opportunity to practice some of the indonesian words i am learning, but...made a mistake and said seven...or five, or something... and there we sat in the dark in silence. how does he know when its 6, he doesn't have a watch?! ah, yes, by the rising sun...don't make a joke about it. i have learnt in the past that the moment it is a man and a woman, don't start small talk....it gets misinterpreted. i also remember an indonesian laughing once and describing americans as always having to talk, instead of being able to sit in silence. so i decided to just watch how the sky slowly changed with the coming of dawn.

after a while he pointed to me and to him and made a motion like a scissors cutting with his fingers and asked "swami? swami?"....hmmm....is he asking if i am married? or whether him and i....? in any case, the answer is no, so i said no, and continued to look out to sea. silence.a few minutes later; "what is your name?" "eileen" "made'" (i already know 3 made' that work at the resort out of the 5 employees, and here's another one!) a few minutes later he did another charade with his fingers asking "permata?" and the movement looked like someone pushing a wedding ring onto the third finger again and again....hmmm...is he asking where my wedding ring is or is that a movement that has sexual intonations to it?! again, the answer: no, to either meaning it had....

on the one hand i thought; wow, this is cool, they are really like little kids, no foreplay, no being smooth and having ulterior motives, he is right up front ; You want to screw? but on the other hand it made me sad that this is men, all over the world, all the time,,,,why? why is that the only thing on their mind? why? i am sure he could sense my closing down communication with him, so he just laid back on the rocks and started to whistle a temple tune and later also accompany it with the knocking of 2 stones against each other...the music is in them, and i even thought that the fast rhythm and beat may actually be a means for men to control their sexual impulses...they just get into these beats and it is calming. now and then he was also spitting, but like how a spout from a sculpture would spit out water from a fishes mouth...i wondered how long he had to practice in order to be able to do that in the perfect arc? spitting seems to be something people in the east do...whereas in the west, it is left for the bathroom.

meanwhile with those thoughts i tried to focus on the horizon which was changing from dark grey to orange, then pink and red and slowly watching how my surroundings were slowly appearing in the light of dawn, and that we could actually see each other for the first time this morning. the sky began to have rays of sunshine coming out of the horizon before the sun rose, and i thought of how little kids draw and how this is one of the first times i have ever really and truly seen the sun rays like that. and also remembering seeing a drawing of a flower by a friends 22 year old daughter and it had auras of color around the flower petals, and i thought "does she really see auras around flowers?! is that possible? or is it just the anthroposophic way of drawing?" but this morning i began to think that it may really depend on a persons level of perception, which can change over time, allowing them to see more layers of reality that until now had been hidden.

once the sun rose, and the other fisherman had joined us, we walked back to the boat and he paddled out to the first net...the other fisherman began to pull it in, and then they did it together, catching only one small lone fish, no comment. no disappointment, then with the motor on we arrived at the next net and they pulled it in too...3 small fish, no comment. and we returned back the way we had come. it was nice being able to see where i live, but from out at sea. as we passed along the shoreline the villagers were just starting their day; dipping big buckets that were placed on a pole over their shoulders into the sea in order to bring back to their little palm leaf shack or teepee some water, simple simple roof coverings in order to sleep in and the rest of the day is spent outside. and right next to them are a few big areas with big villas and built in pools and glass houses...such extremes... it was nice to arrive back to my resort and see how it quietly blended in with the palm trees that lined the shore, and the dry palm leaf roof was almost camouflage.

on shore there were already several fishermen that were unloading their catch and folding their nets up, and they all came over to help bring the narrow boat in. i decided that with 6 strong men, i don't have to try and help and moved aside and let them do their communal work without me. still sure that my fisherman had been trying to make a pass at me, i quickly said "terimakasie"(thank you) and disappeared over to the resort. once inside i spotted a balinese woman that knows fluent english and decided to ask her to translate the charades and words the fisherman had said to me in order to clarify that indeed i am just a sex object for these men and to keep my distance. but surprisingly when i told her "swami" she said he was asking if i was married ( and not if i want to marry him, after knowing him for 2 minutes!) and the second gesture was indeed "wedding ring" without any sexual intonations,,,,and i was happy to realize that all he was trying to do is what every balinese does when they meet you: place you in the grid; eileen, unmarried, american, and then they know where things stand and life continues....

later on the resort owner asked me if i gave the fisherman a tip. i said no, that i didn't want to "rock the boat" and that if he did it just as a gesture of kindness, it might insult him to give him money, or cause a precedent among the fishermen and tourists....but he told me i should give him $1-2 ($2 is a daily wage for a builder who works an 8 hour day) . he said it is an expression of cooperation among the resort and the fishing community where it will be win win and it is important to create that kind of bond among us. so i went to my room, took 10,000 rupias ($1) and started to walk over there, and then thought "c'mon, if you are already going to make a gesture of community, don't be stingy about another $1....so i went back and took 20,000 rupia and figured i would give it to the fisherman that has his boat next to his, and is around at the moment, and ask him to give it to his neighbor who took me out. all that was of course in sign language. his wife is a shark when it comes to bargaining and is the one who handles the selling of the fish, and as soon as she saw me approaching the two of them she spotted the money in my hand and i saw her eyes glow! i handed it to him and gestured that he give it to his neighbor, and walked away, happy to have been generous and also a bit of pride there, showing them how the guests at the resort are thoughtful....big mistake....later i was told by made' (made' from the resort that had organized this for me in the first place, that i need to give the money directly to the fisherman that took me....ahem....you mean another 20,000 rupias? yes. oh...you mean that other fisherman will not give the money i handed him, to his neighbor? no. oh.....okay...so now i wonder whether it is my impatience (run over and give him the money now) or my pride (see how generous we tourists are) or my ignorance in balinese behavior, that is my lesson here....