"have you showered yet?"

Ketut has a friend from work who is also a doctor and stops by about once a week ever since he went through his family crisis. She comes over just to play badminton or laugh together. So we met a few days after I arrived when she stopped by the house with her two young sons to socialize. She doesn't know English, and so we just kind of smiled at each other and that was that. She had come to visit him, so I didn't make an effort at conversation and just let them have their time together and I sat on the side.. After about the fourth visit ketut made a point to tell me that she apologizes that she cannot speak with me because she would really like to get to know me but her English is very poor. So…when she came by yesterday I decided to start up a conversation, since I do know some Indonesian, and can usually get my point across.

After we sat next to each other on the porch and smiled back and forth a few times I decided to start up a conversation. Since the kids were on the street lighting firecrackers and fireworks, as usual each evening a month before new years eve, I thought it was a good topic to discuss; especially since her older boys were doing dangerous moves around the lit fireworks and I wondered if they knew the danger. i asked if they light them all the time now too and am surprised that none of the adults are paying attention. Her response was; "have you showered yet?"

I was baffled by it. Wondered whether I smell bad even though I had just showered an hour before, and why was she asking me if I had showered as a response to adult involvement in the childrens' dangerous playing around? After a moment I answered that yes, I had showered. Silence. A few minutes later they left. I turned towards the 15 year old girl that I live with and that speaks English and asked her, why did she ask me if I had showered?! Her answer was that there are usually two questions Balinese ask when they want to start a polite conversation; have you showered? And have you eaten?

I laughed! Just the other night one of the sister in laws, that I know for years already but have never spoken to because I was told she doesn't know English, was sitting next to me on the floor as we watched the children playing. I felt quite comfortable just sitting there in silence with her. I have learnt how to do that here. But after about 15 minutes of silence and smiles, she suddenly turned to me and asked me in English, if I had eaten already? (it was nine thirty at night). I said yes, (since I usually just eat lunch) and then we continued to sit in silence again. Now I understood that she was "making polite conversation" with me!

Language here in general is a funny mixture, since Indonesian is the official language, but the Balinese have their own balinese language that they speak among themselves, so it is hard to learn Indonesian since you don't really hear it spoken.  Quite often I hear them mumble something barely audible and the other person answers! It even happened a while ago that the coconut grating machine was going full blast, ketut was driving by on his motorbike, and I was standing next to his mother, some 20 meters from him as he drove by, and she mumbled so quietly about 2 words. Ketut heard them, stopped his motorbike, looked at her, she again spoke in a hushed tone, and he drove off. I thought "what was that all about?!" no way could he have heard what she said, if I couldn't and I was standing next to her!

Later I decided to ask him how it is possible that the Balinese speak to each other in little grunts or short one syllable whispers and are understood?  He just laughed a kind of naughty laugh. And I dared to ask if maybe they are communicating on a telepathic level, and that the actual moving of the mouth is just a show, but that they don't really need the sounds? He didn't deny it, but didn't affirm it either. But the more I am here, the more I see how strong the third eye is, that their telepathic communication is very strong and that so much of life seems to be going on without much speaking, but still communicating.

I find myself busy explaining in my childlike Indonesian and pantomime, so many things to the kids as we spend our days together cooking, playing, drawing, etc. I am warning them of the danger of the hot pots and leaking gas or hot oil splashing, and sharp knives or throwing pencils and the lead breaks and more. And It is becoming more and more apparent that I am in the minority. If the adults do say something it is usually yes….sometimes no….and lots of laughs. When the young four year old is having a temper tantrum because he cannot have his uncles cell phone to play a game on, no one explains that the battery is low and that if the child uses it then the uncle will not be able to send or receive calls now, or that if the kids are standing close to the firecrackers they can burn themselves, or why it is important to clean up after playing a game. I asked ketut why he doesn't explain things, but just let's his son cry or ignores him. He said that the child learns deeper within if he feels the emotion and searches within for the answer. Then it is an integral lesson. But if the father just explains on a mental plane to the child, he may remember it for a short time span, but has not really experienced the lesson, so there is no reason to speak, but rather to let the child burn his finger on the lit incense stick and then he will "know" what happens when you touch something hot. I realized there is a lot of truth in what he said, because I see that each time I learn the lesson the hard way….stubbing my toe, cutting my finger, etc. when I do the same activity later, I now know what I must be careful of if I don't want to hurt myself again.

so…."have you showered yet?"