the temple squeeze

the galungann> temple celebration has been going on for 3 days. once every balinese year (which is shor ter than our solar year) the ceremony takes place in a big temple and all balinese are meant to take part in it. living in the village of tejakula means that the 11,000 residents are supposed to get to this particular temple at some time over 3 days, in order to bring an offering of thanks to god for the battle of the good overcoming the evil, and to be blessed during this auspicious time by the priests who are busy performing special ceremonies in honor of the occasion.


the women of the family prepare an offering according to their means....ranging from small ones containing some fruits,rice, incense and flowers in a woven box and up to large silver boxes with layers and layers of sweets, holy water, cakes, and bunches of bananas and other fruits. these are brought to the temple, placed on the altars, and the women sit on the ground along with the other devotees as the priests sanctify the offerings with incense, prayer, water, etc. then the devotees join in in prayer and are also sanctified afterwards by the priests that go and sprinkle the holy water on every 2-3 people at a time, then return to their place and all recite together :om shanti shanti shanti om which signifies the end of the ceremony.

this procedure has been going on for the past 3 days at the chosen temple from 4 a.m. till 12 p.m., all members of the village make an effort to come to their particular village temple for this occasion. so even villagers that go to work down south (4 hour drive) because that is where the money is, return to the village for the ceremony.the famous masked wyong won ramayana dance is done in the afternoon there also, after all attendees and actors and musicians have prayed and been blessed.


having seen a one of the episodes a few days ago, i decided to forego the crowds and just come in the evening after everyone has gone home and then see the special women and men dancers that i have yet to see perform....so, all dressed up in temple clothes, decked out with my little bag of flowers, incense sticks and matches i left after dinner for the temple. ss="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">nyomann> had told me that that was when they would be performing. time and events is very "rubbery" here....everyone telling you something else, and in the end something else happens anyways...
r>
i walked in the dark along the path and, not wanting to miss the performance, decided to try a new shortcut to the temple. as i made the turn, i suddenly saw one of the dancers in costume, walking in front of me. i hoped he was "going" and not "coming back". unsure of the way, i followed a few steps behind him, grateful for his sudden appearance. when we nearly reached the end of the narrow paths i decided to try out my indonesian and ask him what time the performance is. i started with "LLING_ERROR_12">maafan>' ("excuse me") and when the dancer i had seen from the back until now, turned around, i was surprised to see an old man! his walk and build and black hair were like that of a 30 year old. "="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">anda bisa bicharra class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">bahasa..." ("do you speak uhhh...) and he chimed in "Indonesian!" and so i realized he was not the one that was going to understand me, and just keep following him and you will see for yourself.


so we crossed the main road where i was surprised to see tons of motorbikes parked everywhere! at the resort, and down the narrow alley, things seemed empty and quiet, and here on the main road it was clear something big was happening. i remember last week when i went through the woods for my gamelon lesson on the back of mithas motorbike, we passed a large area in the woods with a sign "parking" (or maybe in rror" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">balinese it said "paking") and i had wondered "what is this big parking lot for?" and a few meters away saw a lovely large roped off area, and i thought that maybe it was for special performances or summer camp or something. the next day when p-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">mitha again took me to the lesson, even before we reached the parking lots there were tons of motorbikes lined up along the narrow dirt path, and the lot had over 150 bikes (i counted them as we drove by,,,spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">i'm quick at math) and as we continued i saw TONS of men from the back, with their left arm leaning on the shoulder of the man next to them,,,,all huddled together...what a site, each one joined together into one unit...what were they doing??! and then "the coin fell..." betting on cock fights....so this is where the tejakula men hang out and lose their money after a days work (or no work!). if each bike held 2 people (minimum! you should see how they pile on entire families on a bike) so there were some 300 men here. what does this have to do with my walk to the temple? that there is NOT a "paking" lot for the temple! but they have arranged one for the cock fight site....


anyways, i continued to follow my dancer to the temple, past all of the vendors selling cheap plastic toys and ice cream to the kids, and was suddenly standing in a big line-up of men and women that had also come to the temple now! hmm....i guess this is a really cool performance so everyone has come out again at night for it! i stood with the crowd. everyone in temple clothing, the women with the offerings on their heads, the men with cell phones in their hands....to my right and left were open air areas with tons of men sitting around, gambling, or smoking (i don't think any women smoke here....it is mens' stuff) or just the priests taking a breather in between the non-stop procession of devotees that have been pouring in for the past days, wanting to bring offerings and receive blessings.


one young (smart-ass) guy started speaking to me in lightening fast balinese, and with alcohol on his breath. i knew he was just teasing me since here i was with hundreds if not thousands of balinese, dressed like them and coming to the temple. i didn't answer him, but he continued to tease and after reflecting for a moment what the best answer would be i decided to answer him back in lightening fast english "how do you like it when i speak to you so fast in a foreign language too so that you do not understand a single thing i am saying to you in english?!" (thinking "take that!") and to my surprise he answered me back in lightening fast lass="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_32">english "so you want to speak english, so no problem, just say so, so what are you doing here?" i laughed....


we spoke a little, i asked him if all these people have come to see the dance?! "what dance?" i pointed to the men with the white bandana and black sarong that is tied in a special way in the back....he said, no one is dancing now...maybe when it is all over at 11 at night or something. (it was 8 p.m. now). ahhh...so why is everybody here now? "Because now is the time everyone comes to pray," it was only then that i realized that my approach to the dance performance was very "western". here there is no such thing. the performance is not a show for an audience that has come to watch it for its beauty or interest. the performance is part of a temple ritual that the devotees witness. so....now, to stay in this crowd and see what it is like to go pray at night with hundreds of people, or go back to the resort. staying and experiencing it won out.


so, we stand....and stand....and stand....mushed together, every now and then a balinese woman notices me and starts to giggle and points at me as she tells all of her family to look at the american in temple dress standing here mushed with us! i smile back at their giggles, they don't try to hide the giggling...and then i feel a kind of pinching on my forearm from behind. at first i think i imagined it. but when it occurs again i suddenly remember that this is the way woman (or maybe the men too?!) get you to turn around and speak to them. it happened a few days earlier to me when i was "hanging out" with mithas relatives on the cement block in front of their, sorry to say, slum. and since the block is square shaped my back was to a woman who sat down behind me without me realizing it. she kept poking my and finally i turned around and she just wanted to make conversation. but such a strange way....or maybe tapping someone on the shoulder would seem just as strange to them! so anyways, here i am in the mush, feeling someone pinching me, and i turn around and a nice 40 year old woman smiles at me. i smile back a while later, again pinching. i turn around and she asks in english "are you okay?" "yes". and continue to just look around me trying to understand it all, how do i feel, what are they doing, why are they doing it, how heavy it is for the women with these offerings on their heads....


after a little less than an hour there is a quick yell of excitement as they realize that the people that were inside the temple courtyard for the blessings have just exited and we get to go in. and ....all hell breaks loose...no more rules, it doesn't matter; men women, children, offerings, old, young, we are all one huge mass being pushed and pushing forward through a narrow entrance into the temple, via steps that you can't even see, with people coming from all sides, and some more sassy teenager boys thinking it is cute to pull my sash on my waist towards them behind me, while i'm being pushed forward.... but at least i have made it into the courtyard where hardly a piece of grass is open in order to sit down on. i decide to just sit exactly where i am standing at the moment period. we must be a thousand people filling up the space sitting next to each other in make shift rows with barely any room between the rows for your feet to be in a folded position,


the usual ritual takes place, and i am wondering how the last part, when the priest comes up to each person and drips water on him, can possibly happen with this crowd?! and suddenly, out of nowhere a row of some 15 priests start off dripping the water on each one with total ease. within minutes they have gone from one end of the courtyard to where i am sitting in the back. i am watching them trying to figure out where they even placed their foot down?! no one moved for them to get by, no one was missed, no one slipped, it was as if they floated across everyone! and then floated back to their places up front, ending with "om shanti shanit shanti om" and out we went....no dancers tonight, and the next crowd came in.

the following day i asked nyoman," how can it be that everyone pushes like that, and for what?! to pray to be blessed with goodness when you act like that in order to sit down?!" she said she knows it is a problem, but sometimes people wait 4 hours to get in and it is very difficult and she didn't go since she has a 6 month old and didn't want her to be hurt in the squeeze.


another slice of bali

observations

nyoman, the chef at the resort i am at, is very kind, talented, intelligent, friendly and fluent in english....so it was a perfect match for me to try and get to know the meaning behind the surface here. she is happy that i am interested in hinduism and humbly shares her understandings about it all with me. she also has invited me to partake in her family ceremonies so that i could get an insiders view. what fascinates me is to see the similarities with my kabbalah studies, not that i plan on turning hindu, but rather seeing how all truths are the same.


she is married and the mother of two girls (8 and 6 months). she also is my co-teacher in the english lessons i am giving the staff here. she explains to them what i am saying in balinese, and also joins me in sample conversations to demonstrate how to communicate with the guests, but adds alot of her own knowledge of english from a balinese viewpoint, explaining to them the differences and idiosyncrasies of english, so it is great all round with her.


the galungan ceremony was today for all of bali. in nyomans words "it celebrates the winning of the war of the good over the evil, which means inside of us." all of bali is on foot or wheels, either car or motorbike (and its lucky not too many have cars since there aren't enough parking lots or room on the roads for them) bringing numerous offerings to tens of temples in each village. since this invariably means a huge output of funds to buy all the fruits, pigs, chickens, and sweets to put in the offerings, other than the $10 per family contribution to the temple for the costs of this production, it is acceptable to "combine" celebrations and save on costs. so, when her baby was 3 months old there was a celebration, but she didn't have enough money to do it "with all the generosity of an offering of this type (like dotting the i's and crossing the t's) so this was an opportunity to do it again, in combination with her sister-in-law that also had a baby and didn't have enough funds, and to combine it with the huge ceremonial costs for the galungan offerings....so...that said...today was THE day.


she told me to be by her at six in the morning for it. already by five the priests and chanters could be heard all over the village on the loud speakers as people were already bringing their offerings in order to avoid the crowds and manage to get to as many temples as their "pockets" allowed them to. poorer people only made offerings for a few, richer, for more...all to bring pleasure to god. i left my room in the dark of pre-dawn morning with a little bag with flowers i picked for the prayer ritual and some incense sticks i found the other day while collecting garbage around the temple next door, and some matches....as i walked along the unlit path in the pitch dark, i could see silhouettes of women with offerings on their heads, or men in sarongs walking by me, but it didn't include the usual "hello" since we couldn't see each other. i arrived at her family compound at 5:50 only to find them all just waking up and getting dressed. they typically live in small bedrooms one next to the other, an open patio for all the rooms, and a tiny dark kitchen and tiny bathroom with a bucket of water and a plastic bowl to pour it over you. if you are a married woman it means you have moved into your in-laws compound and left your family, who turn into invited guests ...today, her family was not invited for the ceremony.


the women of bali used to go topless, even in the 20th century. i think a "carry over" of that is their very casual approach to walking around family and strangers with only their bra on. her mother-in-law, just kind of moved around the complex from kitchen to bedroom to patio with her bra and sarong on. i have also walked along the road after a ceremony and passed by houses where everyone (some 10 people of the extended family of all ages) now relaxing on the patio and the women are just standing there undressing with everyone. another surprise for me is also pulling out their breast from the neckline of their blouse whenever their baby needs to nurse, regardless of whether it is in the middle of a ceremony with the priest standing there in front of them, or even the whole village at the temple with them. they don't wear any special clothing that would enable a discreet way to nurse a baby and allowing some privacy for the mothers body, there is no sense of sexuality or curiosity towards womens breasts here, as far as i could see. so, everyone was just kind of entering and exiting rooms in a variety of clothing including pajamas along the sidewalk to go buy something at the kiosk. her father-in-law had buttoned his white temple shirt, incorrectly, and by the time he reached his neck he had an extra button left...his other daughter-in-law saw him trying to figure it out as she passed him and giggled whole heatedly as she pointed it out to him. this is very typical. the silliest things make them giggle like little kids...they are always laughing at each other and themselves about mistakes made. when nyoman came out of a room to meet me, she was wearing her chef uniform (white blouse/black pants)_ and i was surprised! i said "you're not going to work today are you?!" and she said that no, she just has been getting her daughter dressed first. then i realized that you only put the sarong and sash on when you are ready for the ceremony or anything that has to do with the temple, including working in the temple garden to clean it up for the ceremony, or setting up tables there, etc...all in temple clothing and as soon as it is over they are removed before continuing with other activities. i had deliberated for a few minutes in the morning about what color combination of sarong, see-through brocade blouse, bra, and sash i wanted to wear for the occasion, but i saw that she just grabbed a blouse and sarong that were in a basket and didn't bother much with impressions or self aggrandizement. i wouldn't be surprised if there isn't even a mirror anywhere, including the bathroom. and together with that, everyone looks very cool in their temple clothing, men and women alike. her baby who is now 6 months old was allowed to be placed on the mat now that she has come of age that she can touch the ground, and i was surprised to see that the grandfather, as soon as he had gotten dressed, just sat down on the steps and picked her up, even though she didn't cry, emphasizing for me this inborn habit to hold babies in your arms all the time, and to pass them from one to another, with all family members very naturally playing with them and caring for them at all times. common property....no need to be only by mom or dad....


the priest arrived a little while later in his white sarong and sports coat and bandana and his beautiful finely little woven reed purse that holds the sacred accessories he will need for a typical ceremony; bell and bowl that it sits in, and the holy water holder that is a varnished coconut with a base so it can stand, or a silver vase... all the rest of the ceremonial necessities (cotton thread to tie on wrists, a bunch of rice stalks tied and folded which are used to sprinkle the water on everyone and everything, incense...are provided by the person who invited the priest to come perform the ceremony. he was also wearing a pouch, and after a pre-ceremony in the family temple at the complex, we returned to the patio where three tables were piled high with tens of offerings. there he would perform the same ritual again, but first he took out four silver rings from his pouch with huge stones and put them on his hands... nyoman said the stones have power, and that the ring is just to hold the stone while he does the ceremony, inferring that it is not a form of jewelry. this is a typical explanation by nyoman, and i love the way she says it, so simple and unpretentious. just stating the facts, never any doubt, whether she is talking about the evil spirits or whatever. total commitment, belief, faith, without any asides. when we were sitting at one of the praying rituals (there were three) and i asked why we were doing this again for a third time, she said that now it is for the ceremony itself, not for the people, or the ancestors, and that there are ceremonies for everything; for dogs, cows, trees, flowers, babies, teeth, houses, cars, computers....whatever is in their daily life, there is a special day, or days, when this has its specific ceremony in which you make offerings that it will function well, or flower abundantly, or be healthy....i thought about the fact that there is something very interesting here with the animals....even though there are tons of dogs,,,i haven't seen any dog crap anywhere! dogs and cats do not chase each other, nor chickens, and they all just seem to be quite content in each others company, including the dog that just wandered in and out of the temple courtyard during the ceremony, non pulsed by all the piles of grilled chickens that were being offered to god. i wondered if praying for them all the time has something to do with the complacency....


the actual ceremony was quite uneventful....it is the same routine always, and no one was excited or saying congratulations or making a big deal of the baby whose ceremony it was in honor of, other than dressing her in a sweet little pink and white dress. once the ceremony was over the semi priestess who knew all the rules of how many offerings and what was in each little basket and in what position etc. gave the okay to now take all of the piles of offerings back to the patio and dismantle them....hours and hours of work the day before by 10 women and 10 men preparing it all, and now, once it has been offered, it gets divided into food for humans (fruits, cakes, eggs) for chickens (uncooked rice ) pigs (little bamboo packets of cooked rice inside) and little cones of sticky cooked rice "for whoever wants it". not sure who got the chickens...maybe the people, or the dog, and the pigs were for them too i believe.all of the intricate hand made "paper cut" like decorative holders from the palm and banana leaves that we worked on for hours along with the banana leaf bowls and plates, were thrown out and life in the compound returned to normal.


when i had seen the 10 men all coming with their little cut tree trunk cutting boards and big knives for cutting all the spices for the pig meal yesterday, i asked who they were. family members...and do they mind not working today in order to help? " no, they know that a ceremony is important and on a specific day, and work can be done any time." we are talking about minimum every 6 days there is a ceremony in bali! but that really is their priority. by the time we finished it was 8:30 a.m. the priest had already been at another baby ceremony at 3 in the morning and had come here afterwards....and was on his way to another one. but not in a hurry, and always laughing, having a smoke, amused by me participating, and just very unpretentious and easygoing. i am amazed that they are not bored repeating this same ritual for hours and hours everyday....a treat for me was hearing nyoman chanting at the ceremony ("making a pathway for the prayers to go to god") . she learnt it in high school but would like to continue and learn the more difficult songs, but has no time for it. since she is the breadwinner (a typical salary is $3 a day .....) and her husband stays home with the baby...


i left, thinking i would go into a few temples on my way home to see the celebration that is symbolized by the wealthy putting a long live bamboo branch in front of their house all decked out like a christmas tree on the thinner taller branches with hanging sweets and pineapples and decorations and material waving on it symbolizing the battle that has been won by the good. but, as i reached the sidewalk outside her house i found non stop motorbikes with women on the back with their big baskets full of offerings, and the men in their white shirts and temple kerchief on their forehead, driving their spouses to the temples, and trunks of cars being opened up to take out the quantities of offerings for each altar...when i reached the main road i looked ahead of me and since the road had a slight incline to it i could see quite a distance...it reminded me of what it was probably like when the holy temple in jerusalem was still part of jewish life, and everyone dressed in their special clothing bringing the offerings for shavuot. the entire village (11,000, let alone all of bali!) going about for hours. i realized i had had my fill....i needed some quiet time for myself and decided to return to my resort and rest. so i went to the pool, and as i laid there the loud speakers from several temples were going at the same time, each with their own chanter, and priest reciting the prayers, not in unison....a cacophony of ritual. this continues for the next 2 days with renditions of the ramayana being performed by masked dancers at the temple each day. i don't know where they get the energy for this. really. part of the day i sat and gazed out at the sea and many temple goers passed by, and this is the crux of their life. this is the source for their well being. and it is all done together with each other.


as i prepared the paper cut baskets from the palm leaves and bamboo pins to hold the offerings yesterday, i realized how even the simple act of making them is the summation of balinese life: there is the up side and the down side to the palm leaf, and the decoration is made in order to please god first of all, not in order to decorate and please us. so it is meant to be beautiful and symmetrical. and made up of many small parts, each placed underneath the piece in front of it. and the bamboo pin (or stapler for those like me that just can't get that bamboo in without making a mess of things or because it is quicker) has to be inserted on the back side, and as you slowly add each leaf, forming a circle or half circle, the pins must also form a circle. all the women sitting around together making these in a way passed down from generation to generation. each shape symbolizing something. each leaf placed in a certain direction. ( i wanted to help nyoman at one point with filling banana leaves with the different contents and as i placed the leaves in a row, she quietly explained to me that the leaf goes in the other direction because the outer edge of it is like the top of the head, and it needs to be pointing to god). each item set down in a certain order and place on the leaf even though a second later it will be closed with a pin and no one sees the contents....and after the ceremony it is thrown out.... the moment i have finished making it, it is filled with an assortment of symbolic rice, fruits, leaves, spices, nuts, and is put in a basket...no one sees the pins or staples in the piled up offerings. except for god. and you, when you have made it. only once i tried to imitate them did i begin to realize how many layers and layers of symbols and attention and intention is put into each action. it reminds me of the kabbalah...that the goal is to unite, to form one whole, with others, by placing them above you, just like the whole that is formed by placing each leaf behind the one in front of it, and going round and round each time, like the music they play, no beginning, no end.... and all with the sole purpose of bringing pleasure to god. i don't sense their ego in any of this...just like my understanding of the kabbalah activities, which are just an excuse to try and unite and see how difficult it is with our egos....i felt that all of this ritual is also just an excuse for them to be the strong unit that these balinese people are among themselves and towards god.

the MAYAN energy of the day!

'the hidden gift of this day is Overtone Dog guided by the Mirror... The power of love that reflects the endless order of the harmonic magic... when all is surrendered and there is no attachment, how the bridge to joy is crossed by empowering our connections with others... Devotion to truth... to being a clear mirror from the heart."

that was the message that vasumi had sent out this morning, when i read it i knew it was true. i had just returned from an experience which was the exact epitome of what she had written (see previous entry "sugik") and now i was off to do a sick call to a woman i had met last time i was in bali and that had just had an operation. the thought had suddenly come to me that i have nothing i have to do in life, so i can go over and visit and see if i can help in any way.

i walked along the beach to her place and arrived 90 minutes later, after enjoying the sites and sounds along the way. it was so nice to see her again, and we sat and spoke about all kinds of things. and then out of the blue she said "would you like to teach english to my massagist and in return receive a massage everyday?" (always say "yes") "Yes!!" i was in shock. and again, said thank you to god immediately. how in the world did i deserve this?? i love massages, and together with that, i have come to bali and am living in paradise and have everything i need and want, but no "extras"....and "extras" are nice...they give a luxurious sense of abundance in life.

so here i was being offered something in a barter that is and "extra", just like drinking coconut water everyday for good health, and a glass of fresh papaya or pineapple juice (which is not "included" with my meals and would total some $300 more on my bill at the end of my stay, so i chose not to do that. and massages...the same....and since water is fine for me, and my body feels good and nothing aches and i massage myself with coconut oil everyday after my shower i let go of "extras" and am grateful for what i have.

and no matter what happens, i try and see that it is another lesson from god that is only bringing me closer to where i need to get to and that all there is is love, and to keep choosing it even if something else is yelling "but i don't like it, it's not fair, why me, how dare she"....

SUGIK

in the morning i pray....among other things, i send god all of the things that i am dealing with and let him work it all out; what will be realized, what will be lifted from my mind, etc. so in the morning i "turned over" to god what would happen with my meeting with sugik this morning, and also that i would like a gamelon teacher in a barter arrangement, without money.

sugik is a 15 year old that helped me out in the internet cafe and that appeared a few more times suddenly out of nowhere, including last week at a temple ceremony i went to. he invited me to come over to his house and so today was the day. we planned to meet at 9 at the internet cafe since i didn't know where he lives ( or his name,,,,) i got there early and sat outside by the road keeping an eye out for him, and also just taking in the morning goings on, on the main road of the village...it is so different than anything i know, that i could just spend hours sitting there. among the "different" things was seeing an old man sitting on the other side of the road, just sitting on a cement wall of a house, motioning hello to cars and people and motorbikes that passed him by. i thought how this is a common pastime in bali, just to sit outside and watch traffic and say hello. and i wondered what kind of life that is for the old man.

then i saw sugik running towards me (the first time i saw a balinese running! they are never in a hurry, but i think he was late and felt embarassed to have kept me waiting). i crossed over the street to meet him and we shook hands and we took two steps and suddenly he stopped in front of the old man that was sitting on the cement wall and said to me "this is my gamelon teacher". i was dumbfounded! i know who his gamelon teacher is, since i have seen sugik at his lesson, and am also a very avid fan of his teacher, keeping my eye on him constantly at every temple performance, since he is the leader of the gamelon band, and plays a wild drum! i noticed him the first day i came to the village at the first ceremony, there was something about him that just caught my attention and ever since then i always try to spot him out among the musicians to see if he is there, and how he does it. so with the blue baseball cap on his head, instead of the traditional bali batik kerchief and sarong, i didn't recognize him. and here i thought just an old man with nothing to do was sitting watching traffic. i excitedly told sugik what an avid fan of his i am and that i love hearing him play all the time and that i just didn't recognize him. i had no idea why sugik had chosen to stop and introduce me to his teacher, other than out of respect, but decided that this apparently was a god send and exactly what i had "turned over" in the morning; my meeting with sugik and finding a teacher for the gamelon! so i said, "sugik, i want to study gamelon and i need a teacher that is willing to teach me for free since i do not have any money, can you ask him if he knows anyone that can teach me." sugik translated and the teacher smiled. he was talking and talking with sugik who continued to translate all the accomplishments of the teacher; he once had a student from the netherlands, henry, and he has been to japan, and played in america in california, and he has taught all of bali, and performs everywhere, and has taught almost all of the musicians in tejakula. i acknowledged his fame gladly and knew he really was outstanding. but what about me? I continued and insisted, that i am serious and that i really love the gamelon and need a teacher. while watching the gamelon band the day before at the ramayana play, i saw that alot of them were old folk and that maybe one of them would just enjoy teaching me without needing money to support a family. i again continued to explain to sugik that i am serious. and each time he translated. and then i saw the old man nod and sugik said "he will teach you for free". what?! the head of the orchestra, the lead musician and teacher of the village agrees to give me private lessons, for free?! "yes." "thank you thank you thank you" (and you too god).

he asked if i would like to come into his house and see a photo of the man from the netherlands that studied with him, i always answer "yes" to everything people offer me here, so we went down a little path into an open air living room where he motioned for me to sit down on the rug and proceeded into a little room to look for the photo. he soon returned with an old album and as he searched among the photos i felt sorry for him that they had all faded over the past 30 years and no faces or details could be seen on them,,,but he was looking for henry from the netherlands to show me. on the floor also was sitting an old man in a t-shirt and a sarong, and a small thin older balinese woman was going in and out of the rooms, smiling at me, and helping him try and find the photo of henry. meanwhile i saw how this famous musician had once had a head full of black hair and a mustache and was quite charming. ah, finally a photo of henry, sitting in this same room, with a drum on his lap, yes. i explained that i have a camera and that i can take up to date photos of him playing in the band at the temple if he would like and keep them on the computer so that they won't fade and that he will have some current photographs. and i can even make a video for him....sugik smiled, politely, and after i requested an e-mail address of a family member that i can send them to for him, i realized that his grandson was sitting there with his cell phone which has a camera, and i am really not in touch with reality! they don't need me with a camera to photograph him, they can take photos all the time with their cell phone....but the balinese would never say that to a guest, and they politely gave me the grandsons e-mail address. i asked when we could start lessons, and the answer was that in a few days there is a big ceremony (for a change!) and that after that. fine...what a miracle!!!

then we had our introductions. the teacher is called su gede sueightie and i am called eileen, and then i turned to sugik and told him that i don't even know what his name is! sugik (how in the world am i going to remember that?!) and then i turned again to the teacher to try and remember his name, and messed that all up, and then turned to sugik and didn't have the faintest idea what he had told me his name was a minute before, so i told him to tell me again since i already had forgotten it! so he said it slowly and wrote it on his hand. ahh...sugik....okay. meanwhile the older woman had returned with 3 bottles and a bag of cookies, and graciously placed them in front of each of us. i looked at the bottle....am i really going to drink a coke?! and i tried reading what it said, even though it looked like coke, and it said : Thebotel.....i laughed; i get it : a" bottle" of "tea"! and i took a sip to see if i had guessed correctly, and yes! cold tea, nice. su gede continued to tell about all of his achievements in life all over the world, and sugik translated. i asked who the man here was, and he said it is his father, who was also a drummer, and hanging on the wall he pointed to a drumstick and said that it is very old and belonged to his grandfather who was also a drummer. i asked him how long he has been drumming, and he said 40 years on the gamelon and drums, and that he will be 60 next year. ah, i laughed and said we are the same age, ( which reminded me of a joke about a woman that goes to a dentist and when she sits down in the chair she recognizes him from her school days even though he is now wrinkled and bald and asks him if he wasn't the same so and so from the class of 1960 and he says yes and she says that she recognized him after all these years, and he said : oh really, what did you teach? apropos me thinking he was an old man sitting on the cement wall....so what does that make me!)

su gede asked if i want to come see his studio in a neighboring village (answer "yes" to everything you are offered. ) "Yes!" so off we went on 2 motorbikes zooming down the main road, su gede was busy beeping everyone we passed whether by foot, by car, in a kiosk, in a truck....he knows everyone and the beep is a "hello". and then we turned down a winding path and down narrow walkways until we stopped in a courtyard, where lots of pickled dry tuna skins were laying on screens in the sun drying out. a 5 year old girl sat on the ground next to a pile of skins and kept pulling out one at a time and placing them next to her grandfather that had a chopping knife and a tree trunk as he sat cross legged on the ground, folding the long tuna skins into a little pile and then chopping them up into smaller slices. this is the studio?! then out came a hippie type and i was introduced to him, a student of gedes, "that has many foreigner friends". it turns out that gede wanted to borrow two of his drums...after some small talk, sugik, and the grandson left on one motorbike holding 2 huge congo drums and drove back, and gede and i started off too. as he again continued to beep at everyone, he suddenly stopped near a kiosk that was grilling fish and other goodies, and told me to wait, and he returned 10 minutes later with a bag full of take away food. as we made our way home beeping i realized that indeed i am not 18 and blonde, but i am a woman and a foreigner, riding on the back of his motorbike and this is definitely something to brag about, and he did it in his own humble way.


once we were back at his place he went into the tiny kitchen and came back with some coconut oil which he lovingly rubbed onto the skins of the drums. when gede went into the kitchen the grandfather picked up the drum and tried to beat it, but then motioned to his arms and said he no longer has strength, he put the drum back on the rug and returned to sit in silence and without moving for 2 hours watching us. the elderly are cared for by the youngest son. gede returned and then began to tune them, sitting on the rug. he then showed me how to sit and said "would you like a drum lesson now?" (always say "yes") "Yes". and he handed me one of the (very heavy) drums, and a drumstick and proceeded to beat out a tune and motioned for me to imitate him, i did, "technique number 1" then another rhythm "technique number 2" . i managed to do 1 and 2 without too much difficulty and he was happy, once i got each tune he would play a complicated conversation between me playing my drum and he on his and i had to not get mixed up, which i succeeded at doing, and i got the "thumbs up" sign meaning "good". technique number 3 didn't go as well. with one hand beating on the bottom side of the drum one rhythm and the right hand holding a drumstick and beating on the other end of the drum a different beat, the goal was to manage to do the rhythm 10 times without a mistake, while he played a complicated accompaniment, i couldn't get past 6 times straight each time, before my mind would jump in and mix me up and i would start all over again counting 6 correct beats. it was important not only to beat the rhythm very strong and loud but to hold the drumstick in a relaxed manner, and to sit with a straight back, another one of my "heroes" from the school band appeared at his house then, too, making himself quite at home, they started to introduce him to me and i laughed saying that he is another one of my stars since he is an amazing drummer and gamelon player that i have had my eye on at all the performances. su gede continued to repeat again and again techniques 1,2 and 3 and explained that i must memorize them and once i get them down, we can go on to 4 which will be more difficult than 3 and he knows that 3 is already difficult, but that i am good. we had been drumming for over an hour and i was tired. i wasn't sure if the best method would be to just stop and let it go for another time, or just take a break and try again, remembering that all i have to do is try and be as empty as possible, no mind, no will, no expectations, no ambition, just be in each beat of the drum, a channel allowing the rhythm that my body already knows, to come out, without interfering with my ego or will.


su gede told the other student to continue to accompany me and he disappeared into the kitchen, only to appear minutes later with a lovely meal for sugik me and him, (grandfather and star student were left out of our meal, for some reason....) he placed a colander of white rice that had a little banana leaf the size of a matchbox with a smidgen of rice on it placed on top of it all (i assume a sign of the rice offering that has been made by the cook). the plastic tray also had bamboo sticks with fish kebab patties grilled on the tips of them, and a bowl of folded banana leafs with thin bamboo sticks keeping them folded, when the oblong one was opened for me by sugik as he placed it on my bowl, out rolled a spicy fish mixture that he said is very good, and then su gede also opened up a triangular shaped one and out came a chicken ball. a small bowl with hot spicy chill paste was the perfect condiment along with a small pot of some hot soup to be poured over the rice. so this was the carry out meal su gede had bought along the way. how sweet. a plastic bowl was brought to wash our right hand in before eating, since that was our "silverware". su gede proceeded to take one of the banana leafs from the fish patties and placed a little bit of each of the foods onto it, as an offering, before we began to eat. the food was delicious. it was the first time i was being hosted to typical balinese food that the villagers buy and eat everyday, since they don't have refrigerators, and it is so cheap and easy and tasty just to buy this fresh food on the street and take it home to eat every meal. he was such a generous and kind host. i was slowly beginning to understand that for him it is a great honor that an american israeli woman wants to study gamelon with him, and for me it is a great honor that the head of the temple gamelon band is willing to teach me. and here was sugik, sitting for hours, smiling, translating everything either of us said, so respectful to his teacher. he explained that i must learn 5 days straight and then have a 2 day break, perfect! i agree. we will begin after the holiday. " and during the temple ceremony where he will be playing, you must sit next to him." (in front of the thousands of villagers that will be coming there. ) after sugik had repeatedly translated what a famous and excellent teacher the teacher is, he said that his dream is that every single person in bali will know how to play the drums and the gamelon. and then i understood that this talented musician needs students and without them, he is just an old man, sitting on the cement wall waving hello to the passerbys.

dark moon ceremony

i just finished writing a long saga about yesterdays ceremony....and it disappeared into cyber space...so much for the "dark" side of writing a blog! so now will come a "lighter" version of yesterdays dark moon ceremony. the jewish people celebrate the new moon every month, and the hinuds celebrate the day before the new moon; the dark moon. my own interpretation of this is that the jews emphasize the light, and the hindus give equal credit also to the dark.


lots of synchronicity happened around the ceremony; first, while i was trying to find the right temple and entrance, i suddenly found myself face to face with the teenage boy that had helped me 4 months ago in the internet cafe. we were so happy to run into each other. he invited me over to his house on sunday, and i immediately agreed and was grateful since i had wanted to meet his father who is a priest, and just in general to meet up with him again since he speaks pretty good english, is intelligent, and could maybe shed light on alot of things that are questions for me about hinduism, bali, ecology, etc. the next fluke was when i entered the temple and bravely walked across the courtyard past all the balinese men in the band in order to find a place by the women seated on the grass, i suddenly turned my head to the side and saw that my gamelon teacher was right there, smiling a big smile of recognition as he sat on the little platform with his drum and the other 22 members....out of the hundreds of people there, we just happen to see each other...and the third time was when i was sitting behind a women waiting for the prayers to begin, i was noticing her lovely glittery hairpin, gold earrings, lovely hair do and white blouse, and when she turned her head i saw it was the neighbor woman from the little dark corner kiosk that plays a tough game of dominoes with the men with a loud tongue and strong throw of her domino cards....who would have thought that she had this feminine side to her? and we smiled, recognizing each other from the last time i was here. it also turned out that during the parade that followed, that she was responsible for the huge beautiful offering on the altar which she later carried elegantly on her head all through the main road to the other 2 temples. so much for preconceived ideas about people...i am so judgemental....thinking everyone is all or nothing.


what especially interests me at these ceremonies is trying to understand what is really going on...what do the villagers think as we sit there each time for 1/2 hour while the priests do their praying, and everyone is chatting away quietly. what is all the music from 2 gamelon bands of 22 men playing different repertoires at the same time along with independent chanters singing also entirely different tunes, and the incense sweetening the air, and the young 5 years olds moving their shoulders and beating their hands to the fast paced rhythms making apparent who the next generation of gamelon players will be.


there is a timelessness to it all as we started at 3:30 and it continued until 11 at night, (i left at 7) going from temple to temple in a long procession of a few hundred people. first the 30+ priests, followed by the 7 women with offerings on their heads for the altar, then boys with tall flags, and some 10 men carrying little wooden boxes on their shoulders covered in cloth that the gods inhabit and then one of the gamelon bands, then 20 young girls that are dancers, dressed in white with gold sashes, and then 20 some male dancers in their colorful garb, and then another 20 gamelon players from the second band, and another 10 men or so dressed in white with a black sash and swords and all of us villagers... then arriving at each temple and the priests making offerings, then all of us praying for a few minutes, etc.


i always connect to my own prayers even though outwardly i go along with their ritual of clasped hands facing upwards at the top of the forehead. and while i was doing this at the third temple, which was opposite the sea, and was wondering about this celebration of the dark moon, i suddenly understood that the unpleasant event that took place within me with payment to my gamelon teacher the day before, was exactly that: the dark moon. there was no light, all i could see was the manipulation, assumptions, victimization, misunderstanding, coercing, and then suddenly in the middle of praying, i realized that all the "actors" in the little drama were faces of god allowing me to go from dark to light and to see the importance of them both. i had gotten "taken in" by the physical world, and forgot that it can only be in order to enable me to grow some more. to be in the dark, feel it, recognize it, see my powerlessness there, be guided to turn to the light, and then be lifted to the next step. sometimes when i am with one foot in mid-air before placing it securely on the next step, i begin to "lose my balance" and doubt that all is good, and start believing that the dark is separate from the light

the grace

ahh....i should have saved that photo of the sun rays showering down, for this blog! that is what happened this morning, although it was predawn, and no sun rays, but it felt just like that. i wake up at 5:30 to sit by the sea and watch the sun rise with the silhouettes of the palm trees and fishermens boats while i journal. and there i was journaling about something, and suddenly out of nowhere (but from the left side of my head) the melody that i could not figure out yesterday at the gamelon lesson, came tumbling out!

all i could do was just keep repeating "thank you". i stopped journaling and just listened to it and then decided to pick up the pen and just tap out the rhythm with it so that i would have the kinetic experience too. once i had digested this miracle, i pondered about it. what enables this? what hampers it?

i knew last night when i returned feeling so powerless over recognizing the rhythm and what to do with my left hand, that i had a choice of whether to try and figure it out rationally with my mind, or just let it go and trust that when i am supposed to know how to play it i will, and until then, just make the best effort i can during the lesson itself. i went to sleep, letting it go, as if the space inside my body just needs to process the experience, and not to disturb that with my mind now, which would just be from my ego to succeed. rav laitman, my teacher for kabbalah, is always saying that all that is needed is a true inner desire, that is all, the rest will come from "the light". he is referring to the desire to be at one with god, and fiercely impresses NOT to project this onto our daily life, but i know this is also what happened with the gamelon music this morning. i had such a strong desire to play the tune without "eileen" there....just to be a channel for it to come out and harmonize with the others that were playing, but there was something stuck, a blockage, that had not yet reached a place of light that could correct it. and then the grace came.

this need to play the gamelon is not some ego trip. it is a strong inner connecting with other people through this communal music. there are no composers, no solos, no applause, or personal expressions, they are the traditional songs that were created years ago and have been passed down. it is a playful and alive way to be in union with others, staying centered and open and giving and receiving.

i just wonder what all this music does to them? they are all, constantly either clicking rocks together, singing, playing an instrument, humming or dancing these very complicated "rounds" all the time, and hearing them at all the ceremonies which take place every few days. this morning while i was doing my tai chi on the beach, one of the fishermen that is right opposite the resort, was unraveling his net after having returned from his morning catch, and suddenly he started singing. i glanced over while still doing my tai chi, and there was a big fish caught in his net, and all the other fishermen looked over to me to see if i am noticing it too. and all i could do was give a big smile of participation in his song of joy for the catch! that means he was lucky today and can sell it for $1! dang dang dang dun dan dee dang dun nang de dan doon...

gamelon lesson number 2

just as i feared....he threw me a double whamie! it started off like yesterday, but today he was wearing a sarong and it turns out the 14 year old is 15 and is his son, also an excellent musician. and apparently all of the women and children....are his family living in a big empty house with room after room, totally empty ...the house is a work in progress and probably like with the arabs, just putting down mattresses at night for everyone... how do i know ...because we were playing on the back porch and it suddenly started raining on us, so we carried the instruments through the house to the front porch and again set up the red carpet there, and continued.


what was the double whamie....he began by asking me to play the melody from yesterday. when i listen to indonesian it sounds as if there are a total of some 7 letters: nang, b, d, and they speak at top speed: dang dedundang dnam gdang gdung ge dong nageda ng... i had already kind of forgotten yesterdays tune, but succeeded after one or two attempts...when we finished that i saw he was just kind of fiddling around, humming some melodies, as if trying to remember what to teach next...again i thought, oh gee...maybe he only knew this one first song, now what...maybe this was a mistake coming again...and again he is half singing, half tapping his drum, and not saying anything. and then....he comes over to my gamelon and bangs out a rhythm at top speed that doesn't resemble anything i can even begin to comprehend...what the...


i couldn't believe this is lesson two?! he handed me the little hammer...my turn....i tried my best, but of course it wasn't right. and he just sat opposite with me with the biggest bright white toothed smile and kept repeating it for me at top speed from the beginning...again and again. that is how they teach. you don't do it slower so the person can figure it out, or work on sections, or explain with words, it is all by sight and listening. where do i begin?! from the beginning...ahh,,,it is so difficult to be in beginners mind...i want to succeed the first time and not have to learn...and how to even learn?! and i knew i just have to keep trying with all the mistakes, try and keep myself open, no mind, just let the body learn and release it out again...


after a few trials i had gotten the tune down, but the grabbing of the chimes each time in order to stop the echo was impossible to figure out. so i kept grabbing it just as i hit it so the tone was stopped instead of being able to ring first....he continued to smile and demonstrate and i had my eyes glued to his thumb trying to figure out when and how to do it...and then when that was impossible, i decided to listen to what he was singing, and he was singing the sound of the stopping of the chime too! i suddenly realized that it really is as if 2 hands are playing the piano or something, because as the hand stops the echo it also makes a different sound. this is what is so amazing about playing with them...there are layers and layers that slowly reveal themselves all by themselves...


all i wanted to do was to try over and over again the parts that i was having difficulty with, but there is no such thing, everytime he took a cigarette break i thought "good, now i will try and figure this out a minute" so i would quietly try to tap it out and use my mind to give the command when to grab the chime. but he saw i was trying, so he again just started from the beginning the entire song. that is when i realized there is no such thing as just working on a part that is difficult. with infinite patience he continued to demonstrate everytime with a huge smile, while i consoled myself with the fact that the moment will come when it will come out naturally, and not because i have figured it out with my mind, but just "because" . patience...


he again complimented me on how quick i pick it up and how good i am, and all i knew was that i was making mistakes when i wanted to be a pro already. mithas father translated: "since i am able to receive what the teacher is giving i can come again tomorrow. may i introduce you to each other now?" "yes!" we shook hands and i said "eileen" and he said "kedek" ( of the 8 balinese people i am in close contact with daily, this is the third one called Kedek, along with 3 called madie,. ) so on the one hand i would like to now take pen to paper and try and figure out the tempo etc. so that tomorrow i can come feeling confident that i know it, and on the other hand i know from when i learned tai chi, and hoola hooping, and the gamelon the last time, and indonesian now, that, no mind is the best mind. just let go, trust, be present, stay open, and let go of results...ugh! and smile!