Taking advantage

There is only One. All is One. And all there are are lessons from the One, in order for us to refine refine and refine, and feel at one with One. So whatever happens to me, I know it is another lesson on the path…sometimes foggy, sometimes, clear, sometimes painful, sometimes fast, slow, but they are all bringing me closer to the One.

All the One created is Desire. From my Kabbalah studies I have learnt that the Desire is bad, but that the spice to give it the proper "taste" is that of the "Teaching" (Torah). Can I learn to use that desire for a 'higher purpose"' instead of endlessly trying to fill the bottomless pit of egoic desire that can never be filled?

The playground for experiencing that change is in our interactions with other human beings. Only in that space can the evil be seen, tasted, felt, and a choice can be made whether to be identified with our own selfish will, or to surrender our will to a Higher One. When we choose our will, the taste is one of ego, of having "gotten" something, like money, honor, knowledge. When we choose a higher will, we feel empty, but in fact feel full in that emptiness, with a finer vibration, "at One".

The "higher" we reach, the "lower" we have reached beforehand. No shortcuts. It can go quickly or slowly, but only by "physically" going through the lesson can we learn it, which is why we have been brought down to this physical world in the first place. So, what does all of this philosophical stuff have to do with "taking advantage"?

I had a very painful and unpleasant ending to my stay at the resort I had lived at for almost a year. When it came to paying the bill, I felt betrayed, abused, and cheated. The owners felt betrayed, abused and cheated. I wondered what could be the lesson I am supposed to learn from this horrible feeling, and that it cost me $1000 too?

I kept going over it trying to see what I had done wrong that could merit such a horrendous interaction between 3 human beings. Most of the time all I could see is what they had done wrong. I healed myself from the trauma of it all, by sitting by the sea and making plam leaf mandala offerings for a temple ceremony and decorations for the dining room table for dinner. I knew I was going through a "mourning " process, since this had been the place of my dreams a year ago, and now it had turned into hell. I felt the denial, then the anger, did some bargaining in my head, was resigned, but hadn't reached acceptance yet, which was okay, since 24 hours hadn't even gone by yet.

My wonderful favorite and very special cab driver Gede was now driving me to the airport. Our three hour drives to and from the airport each time I come or go, are always filled with interesting understanding of Balinese culture, Hinduism, and Life in general. It felt good to have a "friend" in the car, and I shared with him how confused and sad I was. He hoped that I would not be put off of Bali because of it. I assured him that Bali is fine, wonderful, it is just the human interactions here that are so extreme and always throw me to the "left" ("Darkness") and then I have to try and find the "right" ("Light") in order to create the path I walk of the middle road which is my new "vessel" (a balance between black and white), until it breaks again the next time and a new vessel must be created.

Gede spoke about the three types of Karma that they believe in in Hinduism; past life, present life, and future life. He apologized for his clumsy English and then proceeded to explain to me about Karma in a way that I finally understood what it means after all of these years. I kept wondering what I had done that I deserved to be cheated out of $1000. So he said it could have been from a past life when I cheated someone else out of money. But that those that had cheated me, would have to face the Karma of their actions either in the near or distant future. I realized that all I ever have to do is just not create any more bad Karma, so that I won't have to "pay it back" sooner or later. I was so sure that all of my intentions had been 100% pure. That was what was so confusing about the whole episode. If I had purposely tried to cheat, abuse or betray them, then I could understand why it happened, but that was not the case as far as I could discern.

Then he said something that turned the light of understanding on for me. He said that people can take advantage of a situation. And then it all made sense. I had taken advantage of the fact that they had put me in a bungalow of 2 rooms with a shared bathroom, with another woman, instead of my own unit. It was fine for me, and I knew that when my girlfriend had come and stayed with me for a week in that same bungalow that it cost less for the two of us then if we would have had separate units…so I just assumed that if they put someone in with me, the price would be less. When it came time to write up the bill, and I asked for a reduced rate since I lived with another woman and not alone as originally planned, the owners felt betrayed. How dare I ask for a discount, and if I didn't want to live with someone why didn't I say so earlier?

They on the other hand had also taken advantage of the situation, knowing that I am very easy going and agree to live anywhere just as long as I can stay there, so….why not put someone together with me, save money, and they can use the single units for other guests? Once I realized that we were each taking advantage of a situation, period, nothing more, nothing less, than I my anger and sadness disappeared and I could see that we are all the same; always wanting something for our own interests. I am grateful that I was present enough to choose to agree in the end to whatever would make them happy. I had stated my needs. They did not accept them. I was powerless, and preferred harmony over a battle of the wills. I had been meditating on an image of me being present, peaceful and bestowing. And that is how I was…maybe if I had been meditating on rich, clever and assertive the result would have been different, but I was pleased that my priorities were what was truly important for me and that I didn't get caught in the drama that was playing itself out in front of me. I also realized that when one person "takes advantage" it can be at the expense of another person. The ride had been full of me telling him about all of the times I had been taken advantage of by people for money. Since he is a devout Hindu and in a service position, I thought maybe he could shed some light on a healthy approach to money.

His answer was lovely. He said he wants to earn his money by the sweat of his brow. That the money has to be "good" money since it will go to pay for his childrens' schooling, and the food the family eats, and the temple expenses. He does not want to take any money that is not earned by fair trade.

Then I "heard" a little voice inside of me say "do you take advantage in other situations? What does it "taste" like when you do?" And suddenly I realized that my lovely driver here would soon be the victim of me "taking advantage" of the fact that my bungalow mate was also using him to bring her back from the airport to the resort once I was dropped off at the airport. A trip to the airport costs $50. I had happily suggested to her that we split the cost and time things so that he just makes the one trip and that way we will pay only $25 each. She agreed. And here he was starting off his day with the expectation that when I get out of the car at the airport I will pay him the full fare, and then she will pay him the full fare too when he picks her up. I needed to know what he thinks about it all. What happens when he has an expectation of earning a certain amount of money, and then earns less?

He was surprised at the arrangement I made, but was very kind and said that it is fine with him…I knew it wasn't. I asked him how he understands "taking advantage". He said that for him it is important that when he picks up his customers he provides a safe trip and that they arrive on time to their destination. For this he deserves to be reimbursed. The fact that I happen to know that he picks up someone else after I get out of the cab and can earn more money on his 3 hour drive home, is irrelevant. Because then also he will provide his service of a safe journey and arrive at the destination on time and secure. And that would be him talking advantage of the situation; planning two trips on the same day, and being able to earn double, as long as the timing works. But if we also decided to "take advantage" and save ourselves money, he cannot do anything about that since it is our money, not his.

As we continued to speak about the subject, he shared that there had been a conflict of interests with the other person and that he had told them that he must be loyal to me, since I had hired him to take me to the airport, and that he cannot send another driver in his place. This brought me to tears. This is typically Balinese. The fact that his loyalty to me as my cab driver to and from the airport was more important than making money, touched me deeply. He wanted to do his best so that I would have a pleasant safe trip and arrive on time, so he must be my driver. It was at that moment that I realized that very "fine line" between taking advantage, for our own egoistic reasons, or of having ethics. Suddenly I could see how "coarse, gross" my western behavior was compared to his asian one, where the emphasis is more on human relations rather than on profit and money.

I was grateful for the clarity. Grateful that I could let go of my selfrighteous justifying of the previous unpleasant scenario with the owners and just see how "taking advantage" is not an expression of an open loving heart, but rather of a clever mind. I preferred the open heart, even though I think I am the queen at "taking advantage" of things….never having realized what it feels like to be on the other side. I decided to pay him in full for my trip, even though he refused. What I had learned from our conversation was that it was more important to me to not have any questionable Karma here. Paying him in full felt right and good and simple. It was "win win". I was winning by having perfect faith that I will always have enough money and that paying someone for their services rendered is an honor, and not a weight on my shoulders. I can let go of always trying to think of ways to save money, especially if it involves someone else "losing" money.

We soon parted, both with love in our hearts and a tear in our eyes, for having shared a "heart moment" instead of me nonchalantly telling him that here is my half of the fare and that he will receive the other half from my bungalow mate that he is picking up soon. I don't even think I would have thought there was anything wrong with that, or that I had gypped him out of money, or that he could possibly be hurt. I would have been too focused on my own clever solution to save money on the trip. This sensitivity to the other, to being able to "feel" the other, and to make their feeling good top priority, even if it means I need to spend more money, is the foundation of Balinese behavior. Thank you Gede for being the messenger that brought the missing piece to a scenario that had been painful, but immediately turned into one of joy and growth once understood and integrated into my life at that moment. So the vessel has been broken, and been created again; bigger and greater; Brahma (creator) Vishnu (preserver) and Shiva (reducer) as we learn and grow from each interaction.