the three year old boy was sweet, but getting a bit aggressive with banging his plastic sword at everyone and everything. after having pretended to hit his mother with it, he instead tore at her blouse, ripping off the top bottom to her surprise. i thought she would be angry, but instead she ignored it and proceeded to unbutton two more buttons and remove her breast from her bra and give it to her child. they slowly settled down on the mattress on the floor and he became quiet and engaged in nursing, even though he eats three meals a day plus snacks. i had no idea she was still nursing him, since she had been working full time for months now. it was nice to see how casual and natural she was about it. i wondered if this is part of what enables them to grow up as pretty independent confident people,
then today, while i visiting another woman, and mother to two girls, she too most casually got up from the mattress to meet me with both breasts out since she had been nursing her one and a half year old, as we sat around she continued to pull out her breasts to nurse on demand. this little girl was content as she nursed from one breast and played with the nipple of the other breast between her fingers, as had the 3 year old boy with his mother. i began to realize that women in bali had gone bare breasted in public, until only some 70 years ago...it seemed like the uninhibited and natural attitude towards this in public, regardless of whether there are men or women around, is part of their former culture.
i heard other tales of other women friends that i know; one young woman of 24, that had a 4 year old daughter and had been unhappily married and cheating on her husband who was paranoid from it, had finally gotten a divorce. she looked more beautiful than ever, had returned to live with her parents again, instead of being with her husband and in-laws. but the price she had to pay for her freedom was that she no longer sees her daughter any more. the father has total possession of the children after divorce, without any contact with the mother.
another acquaintance, had married young and pregnant, had given birth to a son, (the desired first child) and was already back at work, since her mother-in-law, who's house she lives in,( since after marrying the woman moves to the husbands family), was taking care of the prized grandson, and wouldn't even let her daughter in law nurse the baby for some reason. the young girl was too afraid of the mother in law, and also of her husband, to even say anything, even though she is the rightful mother of the baby.
but it doesn't always have to turn out like this. another newly married and young mother also gave birth to a son, and already at the age of one month is back to work, and balancing nursing and working together with the help of her mother in law.
i have just spent time in a communal settlement in israel where much of the background "noise" during the day and night was the crying of babies and children. i do not know what is different here, whether it is the extended family or the on demand nursing, and no use of pacifiers, or the active parenting of fathers, or just the energy here, but for the most part, kids are pretty content and there don't seem to be power struggles going on with parents and children that one sees in the western world.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
a little grass hut
i packed up my laptop and internet stick and went off to visit a balinese family that i am friends with. i thought it would be a treat for the 13 year old, since going to the internet cafe involves saving up money for a few weeks in order to have an hour looking at facebook and reading e-mails, etc. since i had unlimited use with my usb stick i thought she might like taking some time to practice excel and Word options that she needs to learn for school too, but does not have access to a computer other than for the lesson itself.
so there we were, sitting on a wooden bed frame in her "courtyard" in front of her little grass hut, with the laptop and internet stick. kind of surreal, but there we were! their compound is a nice sized piece of earth that has one small room with 2 beds and a table, where the parents and 3 children sleep and do homework, with a small television on a shelf, the other room is the small kitchen with the open fire and thermos for the water they have boiled so they can drink it. food items are placed in big covered plastic containers so the animals (mice, chickens, ants...) won't get to them. another small area without a roof which is the toilet and tub for washing up.
the cow is in a small shed on one side, the pig in another, the mother hen and chicks are pecking around, and the laundry is drying on the line. the entire area is nicely shaded most of the day, by the many fruit trees. the earth is spotless from the constant sweeping that is done when there is nothing else that needs to be done. it is quiet and lovely and a true palace.
as mitha tried to get into her facebook account, i decided to hoola hoop in the meantime. her 7 year old sister was playing with a girlfriend in the yard. as i began to hoop, they stopped their game of dolls and excitedly joined me. they could both hoop really well, and i realized that the 3 girls of the family had taught all their friends too. i was happy that they had 3 hoops and had fun with them. i hooped over in the direction of where the girls had been playing and marveled at what i saw: some odd pieces of wood that had been made into a raised platform, with ascending red and white little stairs leading to the top where an impromptu dollhouse had been made with a few pieces of cardboard, a silver rhinestone heart resting on its roof, with empty cigarette boxes used for furniture. the 3 dolls were wedding cake ornaments about 3 inches high of 2 brides and a groom, dressed in tuxedo and white lace hoop wedding gown.
i was amazed at how these little girls already had instilled in them this western lifestyle and fantasy world. just like in africa where children draw a house with a chimney and red roof and winding path leading up to the front door...the collective subconscious american dream.
just as i finished comprehending that, i suddenly heard the 11 year old singing along with a song she had just opened up on my computer. it was adele, singing "someone like you". and there was gita, who doesn't know english, belting out this song in english of lost love. how did she even hear this song, let alone know it is a worldwide hit?! i wondered what adele would think if she knew that in a little grass hut in a small village in bali, the young teenagers are singing along with her.
so there we were, sitting on a wooden bed frame in her "courtyard" in front of her little grass hut, with the laptop and internet stick. kind of surreal, but there we were! their compound is a nice sized piece of earth that has one small room with 2 beds and a table, where the parents and 3 children sleep and do homework, with a small television on a shelf, the other room is the small kitchen with the open fire and thermos for the water they have boiled so they can drink it. food items are placed in big covered plastic containers so the animals (mice, chickens, ants...) won't get to them. another small area without a roof which is the toilet and tub for washing up.
the cow is in a small shed on one side, the pig in another, the mother hen and chicks are pecking around, and the laundry is drying on the line. the entire area is nicely shaded most of the day, by the many fruit trees. the earth is spotless from the constant sweeping that is done when there is nothing else that needs to be done. it is quiet and lovely and a true palace.
as mitha tried to get into her facebook account, i decided to hoola hoop in the meantime. her 7 year old sister was playing with a girlfriend in the yard. as i began to hoop, they stopped their game of dolls and excitedly joined me. they could both hoop really well, and i realized that the 3 girls of the family had taught all their friends too. i was happy that they had 3 hoops and had fun with them. i hooped over in the direction of where the girls had been playing and marveled at what i saw: some odd pieces of wood that had been made into a raised platform, with ascending red and white little stairs leading to the top where an impromptu dollhouse had been made with a few pieces of cardboard, a silver rhinestone heart resting on its roof, with empty cigarette boxes used for furniture. the 3 dolls were wedding cake ornaments about 3 inches high of 2 brides and a groom, dressed in tuxedo and white lace hoop wedding gown.
i was amazed at how these little girls already had instilled in them this western lifestyle and fantasy world. just like in africa where children draw a house with a chimney and red roof and winding path leading up to the front door...the collective subconscious american dream.
just as i finished comprehending that, i suddenly heard the 11 year old singing along with a song she had just opened up on my computer. it was adele, singing "someone like you". and there was gita, who doesn't know english, belting out this song in english of lost love. how did she even hear this song, let alone know it is a worldwide hit?! i wondered what adele would think if she knew that in a little grass hut in a small village in bali, the young teenagers are singing along with her.
full moom over the sea
putu told me yesterday that tonight is "full moon", which means that we get to put lacey looking offerings made from the light yellow palm leaves instead of the usual triangular green banana leaves. and we get to wear our temple clothes when we make the offering. and i also choose the more expensive sweet lotus incense for full moon offerings too. i told her i would need palm leaves in order to make the little offerings, but she suggested she just buy them for me at the market, ready made, 10 for $1 since it is easier. i agreed. but yesterday evening when i was preparing the daily offerings i realized i needed more than i had bought and so i went out into the garden to pick some banana leaf and flowers and make a few more besides the ones i had bought. until now i had usually made them myself each day at the previous resort, with the abundance of flowers that were there and the kind gardener that always made me a bundle of banana leaves. but since i arrived this time at my own house, and there weren't many flowers around, it seemed easier to just buy them ready made by one of the neighbor women.
as i added another 4 of my own to the large silver tray of offerings, i saw how much i loved making them, how creative it was, and how my heart went into each of them, unlike the ready made ones that i just took out of the plastic bag and placed on the tray. i realized that if i am already giving offerings to god every evening, i would like to also have that deeper intention embedded in the offering that i myself have prepared, and i was grateful to have recognized the difference it makes for me.
the whole ritual can take even an hour or more, since i shower,get dressed, pick the leaves and flowers, prepare them, and then go to each place that is important for me to make a blessing. it had started with one on the table, one on the well, one in front of the house, and on the big tree, and the temple, and from those 5 it has turned into 10 over the past 3 days! each time someone tells me of another place that it is important to place an offering, and when i try it, i see they are right. so when putu said it is important to place one in my bedroom, and in my meditation room, and at the temple next door, and then gede told me that the big tree in the back yard is very special and should also have one, i saw that i was quickly enlarging my area of focus....and time spent on the offerings.
whenever i choose to take on another balinese behavior, i try it out to see how it feels for me. if it rings true, fine, i continue, if not, then i let it go. what usually happens is that each time, i discover how even more magical it becomes, instead of being overwhelmed or burdened by the time and energy involved. that is what happened this evening.
the evening offering is given in the same way as we would light shabbat candles....as the sun is setting at the height of the tree tops. in bali you can do it even later, but that is when everyone settles in back at home, cleans up, washes up, and the air fills up with incense and children are inside and all. i showered balinese style (put some water in a big plastic tub and poured 2 cups of boiled water to warm it up and had my plastic scooper in hand to pour it over me, soap up, and then pour warm water again to wash off the soap, and all in the open air shower. i like it....its simple and i love saving natural resources.
after setting out the offerings in layers on the silver tray, i chose the lotus incense sticks and lite them and began placing the offering near my bed. even just lighting the incense in the house made it smell so nice. and as i walked from room to room and outside in the front, and out back, and over to the sea, the sticks of sweet incense filled the air. just as i turned towards the direction of the temple after placing one on the huge tree trunk that hangs over the shoreline, and i was daydreaming about how touching it is for me to make up my own prayers with each offering, choosing words that express the fullness of the full moon and fulfilling our full potential, and the round perfection of gods creation, suddenly i saw the full moon that had just risen over the sea. it nearly pushed me over by surprise. and i just marveled at the synchronicity of it all..how just as i am walking to the east towards the last offerings at the temple, we meet face to face, me and that huge full moon....and i am grateful for this opportunity to relate to God/Nature in such a direct way.
later, as i went in and out of the house, i kept getting a whiff of the lotus scent still in the air surrounding my house, and i saw how each time it entered my body it brought me such joy. this is the scent i had smelled each time the neighbor children had put offerings at the resort and that made me feel such reverence. and now my entire surroundings, inside and outside of the villa were embraced in this sweetness and i realized another layer of the beauty that seems to reside over this island where each day everyone does this around their homes. kind of like the feeling of shabbat in israel, just that here it is everyday.
as i added another 4 of my own to the large silver tray of offerings, i saw how much i loved making them, how creative it was, and how my heart went into each of them, unlike the ready made ones that i just took out of the plastic bag and placed on the tray. i realized that if i am already giving offerings to god every evening, i would like to also have that deeper intention embedded in the offering that i myself have prepared, and i was grateful to have recognized the difference it makes for me.
the whole ritual can take even an hour or more, since i shower,get dressed, pick the leaves and flowers, prepare them, and then go to each place that is important for me to make a blessing. it had started with one on the table, one on the well, one in front of the house, and on the big tree, and the temple, and from those 5 it has turned into 10 over the past 3 days! each time someone tells me of another place that it is important to place an offering, and when i try it, i see they are right. so when putu said it is important to place one in my bedroom, and in my meditation room, and at the temple next door, and then gede told me that the big tree in the back yard is very special and should also have one, i saw that i was quickly enlarging my area of focus....and time spent on the offerings.
whenever i choose to take on another balinese behavior, i try it out to see how it feels for me. if it rings true, fine, i continue, if not, then i let it go. what usually happens is that each time, i discover how even more magical it becomes, instead of being overwhelmed or burdened by the time and energy involved. that is what happened this evening.
the evening offering is given in the same way as we would light shabbat candles....as the sun is setting at the height of the tree tops. in bali you can do it even later, but that is when everyone settles in back at home, cleans up, washes up, and the air fills up with incense and children are inside and all. i showered balinese style (put some water in a big plastic tub and poured 2 cups of boiled water to warm it up and had my plastic scooper in hand to pour it over me, soap up, and then pour warm water again to wash off the soap, and all in the open air shower. i like it....its simple and i love saving natural resources.
after setting out the offerings in layers on the silver tray, i chose the lotus incense sticks and lite them and began placing the offering near my bed. even just lighting the incense in the house made it smell so nice. and as i walked from room to room and outside in the front, and out back, and over to the sea, the sticks of sweet incense filled the air. just as i turned towards the direction of the temple after placing one on the huge tree trunk that hangs over the shoreline, and i was daydreaming about how touching it is for me to make up my own prayers with each offering, choosing words that express the fullness of the full moon and fulfilling our full potential, and the round perfection of gods creation, suddenly i saw the full moon that had just risen over the sea. it nearly pushed me over by surprise. and i just marveled at the synchronicity of it all..how just as i am walking to the east towards the last offerings at the temple, we meet face to face, me and that huge full moon....and i am grateful for this opportunity to relate to God/Nature in such a direct way.
later, as i went in and out of the house, i kept getting a whiff of the lotus scent still in the air surrounding my house, and i saw how each time it entered my body it brought me such joy. this is the scent i had smelled each time the neighbor children had put offerings at the resort and that made me feel such reverence. and now my entire surroundings, inside and outside of the villa were embraced in this sweetness and i realized another layer of the beauty that seems to reside over this island where each day everyone does this around their homes. kind of like the feeling of shabbat in israel, just that here it is everyday.
Monday, July 2, 2012
walking that middle line
yesterday i bought a water dispenser and big jug of filtered water and felt how good life feels when there is flowing water. i thanked the gods and went to bed, not realizing how they can be pranksters too, at least that's what the balinese think...and about midnight, when i was still laying in bed, hoping to fall asleep, but unable to as i listened to the crashing waves, i began to decipher another sound of water that no longer sounded like the sea, in my half awake state. as i listened closer it was evident that this was a huge whooshing sound and it was coming from my backyard, and not the sea! oh no! a water pipe has broken! the well is flooding! what do i do?!
well, first i got out of bed, got dressed and made my way in the dark down the stairs trying to follow the sound of this dam that had broken! luckily it was almost a full moon and as i walked towards the well i suddenly felt a sense of relief to recognize the wooshing was come from the other side of my path....so maybe it isn't MY broken pipe, but my neighbors. as that happy thought went through my mind, i realized how selfish that is and that in any case it is a broken pipe and water that is being wasted and needs to be taken care of, even if it is midnight and i am in the middle of the forest and don't even know anyone yet here.
just as i stood there and tried to figure out where it was coming from, i saw a man standing there, peacefully. "bike?" (indonesian for "okay") intuitively came out of my mouth, even though i hadn't remembered my indonesian from 4 months ago, and he said "bike, salamat maalam" (okay, good night) and i realized that yes, indeed a dam had burst open, but it was the one the farmers use communally all over bali, and as each one finished watering his garden it slowly makes its way down the mountain to those in the valley and out to the sea. each farmer knows when it is his time slot, and ....yep, some need to get up at midnight to move their rocks and tree stumps away so that the huge quantity of water can flow through each area of their crops as they open and close little openings along the way of rocks and stumps. and there he stood, peaceful and quiet, with no big explanations or anything.
so now there was quiet conversing between some of the balinese men, as they accompanied the rushing waters. and if i am not mistaken,even a most beautiful sigh of joy heard some three times, which sounded more like a very happy man that had just had an orgasm, coming from the palm hut further back in the forest....and i just smiled and enjoyed the gift of having heard how these lovely people also express themselves in intimate moments....
as i rose at predawn to go out to see the sunset, i found myself stepping in water inside the house....what?! and realized that my lovely new water dispenser had leaked a few litres of water all night, onto the floor...ugh...and i wondered if really this is how life has to be? that if i am grateful the night before for having drinking water flowing in my house, then i HAVE to also experience the shadow side of it....just to teach me to walk the middle line? the balinese do not get too excited, or too upset about anything....the most important thing is harmony. and it has become quite apparent to me these past few days here, among them, that my reactions are quite extreme, (something my kids have been telling me for ages) and that is there really a need to be so overjoyed to have filtered water and then so confused and upset to be stepping in it 12 hours later?
i had always thought that my enthusiasm was a good quality. it showed true appreciation and gratitude for every little bit of life....but now i was beginning to wonder what my lesson was here....and the thought crossed my mind, that if i really do believe that god provides for all of our needs...then why am i so thrilled and overjoyed each time my need is filled, instead of simply recognizing it in a humble state of gratitude? and the same on the flipside...that if all is exactly the way it is supposed to be, and perfect, then the half empty container of filtered water that i am standing in is also perfect, and not a case for alarm.
i decided to rest with that for a while, and continued on my way out to see the sunrise and journal and enjoy the miracle of a new day of life. anyways, i had no idea what to do, the water container was too heavy for me to turn righ tside up and what to do with all the water in the dispenser?
a few hours later i sent an sms to my friend that had bought it with me yesterday, and told him i will have to return it today, since it is leaking. i wondered if there is even a word like that in bali "to return something " ? it didn't seem like it could exist in their mentality. if not finding what you needed in a store may possible cause the owner undue sadness rather than harmony, what happens with a sale that has been paid for and then is returned for a refund?! and then i laughed and realized that i guess todays lesson is going to be in learning all about that now...and that each of these incidents that comes my way and surprises me, because i keep expecting everything to just be perfect, which means, works, is honest, is right, fits, runs well, and in fact the opposite is true, and can i just keep walking that middle line, no matter what happens, and just realize they are just opportunities to learn something that i haven't yet learned.
a while later his wife came over and figured out what the problem was and fixed it and helped me clean up. it turned into such a nice time together, sharing, laughing, working together, learning, confiding, and just two women enjoying being with each other. i realized that if i just let things unfold, even in a crisis situation, and remember that everything is perfect, even this, and that it is all for some purpose that is bringing me to an even better place, then there is no reason to get thrown off course each time something happens and to react extremely...
and later, when i walked all the way over to the bank at the other end of town, to finally deposit the wad of money i had brought in order to pay for a years rent, only to be told in fluent indonesian that i need the permission from the village council recognizing me as a resident of the village before i can deposit money in the bank, i could just sit there...not understand a single word, not be disappointed or try and convince or argue or anything, but just let it all unfold, let these sweet simple people that work at the bank along with the sweet simple people that were sitting and waiting for their turn, to just calmly listen to my beauracratic necessities. it was such a surprise to realize that this is a public affair, with the bank manager on one side of the desk talking to the only villager that knew english and had understood my request and was explaining it peacefully to him, while all the other people just sat there quietly watching and listening. no one was in a hurry, or upset that my request, which was the last in line, was suddenly front stage and taking time. i did make one attempt at telling them that this means i have to walk ALL the way back ( a 1/2 hour walk at midday) in order to bring the piece of paper he wants. but in typical balinese style, this did not get the pity or favor i was hoping for and there was just a peaceful quiet manager and bank full of people, just listening to me, i got up and quietly walked out and decided that it can be done another time and just enjoy the day. so what if i'm walking around with $3000 in a brown paper bag...go have a good time with some friends and the money will take care of itself.
after yesterdays expensive lunch venture, i was suddenly offered a more reasonable solution by my friend, and was grateful. and after quizzing her on the delicious spieey balinese meal she had just served me, it turned out that it was purchased from the little shop around the corner and costs 10 cents for each vegetable and tofu dish that i had! so for a big 50 cents i can have the same meal that i was charged 5 euro for the day before....nice....lets just keep walking that middle line. lay low, enjoy, and keep it simple.
when i saw the bright green meter long thin snake glide past my foot and raise itself in the air and continue gliding onto a plant to my left, i was able to just stand there, and be grateful for having witnessed such an amazingly beautiful creation, having no idea if it is poisonous or what...but when i saw the 3 day old little piglets, i couldn't help but squeal from joy....walking that middle line with such sweet little creatures was impossible....but amerta could do it even while he pointed out the one dead one that was laying there and "just couldn't make it apparently because he was too small" and just walk on past life and death right there as we passed by.
it was in that same quiet peaceful tone that he told me that his boss at the clinic had given him an award for his excellent service as a nurse and he was being given a new and higher position. again i squealed with joy since they are finally building a small home of their own and haven't enough money to finish it, and this will make it a little easier. but when i had spoken to his wife earlier about being honest and trustworthy she had shared with me that one of the guests needed medical assistance and when he asked how much to pay her husband for the treatment, she said $10. the guest thought that was too cheap and that he will get it back from his insurance company anyways, so he can give them a lot more, she repeated that $10 is enough. i asked her how come she didn't take the opportunity to take more money, especially since they need it for building the house? and she told me that she must be honest with god at all times, and cannot be tempted for selfish reasons because then she will go crazy, and she wants to stay sane and balanced, and knows that everything will work out in time.
it is nice to deal with people whose main goal is harmony and balance. it demands a whole new way of communicating, and of understanding situations. it places man in a humbler place and gives a sense of inner peace that is worth it all.
well, first i got out of bed, got dressed and made my way in the dark down the stairs trying to follow the sound of this dam that had broken! luckily it was almost a full moon and as i walked towards the well i suddenly felt a sense of relief to recognize the wooshing was come from the other side of my path....so maybe it isn't MY broken pipe, but my neighbors. as that happy thought went through my mind, i realized how selfish that is and that in any case it is a broken pipe and water that is being wasted and needs to be taken care of, even if it is midnight and i am in the middle of the forest and don't even know anyone yet here.
just as i stood there and tried to figure out where it was coming from, i saw a man standing there, peacefully. "bike?" (indonesian for "okay") intuitively came out of my mouth, even though i hadn't remembered my indonesian from 4 months ago, and he said "bike, salamat maalam" (okay, good night) and i realized that yes, indeed a dam had burst open, but it was the one the farmers use communally all over bali, and as each one finished watering his garden it slowly makes its way down the mountain to those in the valley and out to the sea. each farmer knows when it is his time slot, and ....yep, some need to get up at midnight to move their rocks and tree stumps away so that the huge quantity of water can flow through each area of their crops as they open and close little openings along the way of rocks and stumps. and there he stood, peaceful and quiet, with no big explanations or anything.
so now there was quiet conversing between some of the balinese men, as they accompanied the rushing waters. and if i am not mistaken,even a most beautiful sigh of joy heard some three times, which sounded more like a very happy man that had just had an orgasm, coming from the palm hut further back in the forest....and i just smiled and enjoyed the gift of having heard how these lovely people also express themselves in intimate moments....
as i rose at predawn to go out to see the sunset, i found myself stepping in water inside the house....what?! and realized that my lovely new water dispenser had leaked a few litres of water all night, onto the floor...ugh...and i wondered if really this is how life has to be? that if i am grateful the night before for having drinking water flowing in my house, then i HAVE to also experience the shadow side of it....just to teach me to walk the middle line? the balinese do not get too excited, or too upset about anything....the most important thing is harmony. and it has become quite apparent to me these past few days here, among them, that my reactions are quite extreme, (something my kids have been telling me for ages) and that is there really a need to be so overjoyed to have filtered water and then so confused and upset to be stepping in it 12 hours later?
i had always thought that my enthusiasm was a good quality. it showed true appreciation and gratitude for every little bit of life....but now i was beginning to wonder what my lesson was here....and the thought crossed my mind, that if i really do believe that god provides for all of our needs...then why am i so thrilled and overjoyed each time my need is filled, instead of simply recognizing it in a humble state of gratitude? and the same on the flipside...that if all is exactly the way it is supposed to be, and perfect, then the half empty container of filtered water that i am standing in is also perfect, and not a case for alarm.
i decided to rest with that for a while, and continued on my way out to see the sunrise and journal and enjoy the miracle of a new day of life. anyways, i had no idea what to do, the water container was too heavy for me to turn righ tside up and what to do with all the water in the dispenser?
a few hours later i sent an sms to my friend that had bought it with me yesterday, and told him i will have to return it today, since it is leaking. i wondered if there is even a word like that in bali "to return something " ? it didn't seem like it could exist in their mentality. if not finding what you needed in a store may possible cause the owner undue sadness rather than harmony, what happens with a sale that has been paid for and then is returned for a refund?! and then i laughed and realized that i guess todays lesson is going to be in learning all about that now...and that each of these incidents that comes my way and surprises me, because i keep expecting everything to just be perfect, which means, works, is honest, is right, fits, runs well, and in fact the opposite is true, and can i just keep walking that middle line, no matter what happens, and just realize they are just opportunities to learn something that i haven't yet learned.
a while later his wife came over and figured out what the problem was and fixed it and helped me clean up. it turned into such a nice time together, sharing, laughing, working together, learning, confiding, and just two women enjoying being with each other. i realized that if i just let things unfold, even in a crisis situation, and remember that everything is perfect, even this, and that it is all for some purpose that is bringing me to an even better place, then there is no reason to get thrown off course each time something happens and to react extremely...
and later, when i walked all the way over to the bank at the other end of town, to finally deposit the wad of money i had brought in order to pay for a years rent, only to be told in fluent indonesian that i need the permission from the village council recognizing me as a resident of the village before i can deposit money in the bank, i could just sit there...not understand a single word, not be disappointed or try and convince or argue or anything, but just let it all unfold, let these sweet simple people that work at the bank along with the sweet simple people that were sitting and waiting for their turn, to just calmly listen to my beauracratic necessities. it was such a surprise to realize that this is a public affair, with the bank manager on one side of the desk talking to the only villager that knew english and had understood my request and was explaining it peacefully to him, while all the other people just sat there quietly watching and listening. no one was in a hurry, or upset that my request, which was the last in line, was suddenly front stage and taking time. i did make one attempt at telling them that this means i have to walk ALL the way back ( a 1/2 hour walk at midday) in order to bring the piece of paper he wants. but in typical balinese style, this did not get the pity or favor i was hoping for and there was just a peaceful quiet manager and bank full of people, just listening to me, i got up and quietly walked out and decided that it can be done another time and just enjoy the day. so what if i'm walking around with $3000 in a brown paper bag...go have a good time with some friends and the money will take care of itself.
after yesterdays expensive lunch venture, i was suddenly offered a more reasonable solution by my friend, and was grateful. and after quizzing her on the delicious spieey balinese meal she had just served me, it turned out that it was purchased from the little shop around the corner and costs 10 cents for each vegetable and tofu dish that i had! so for a big 50 cents i can have the same meal that i was charged 5 euro for the day before....nice....lets just keep walking that middle line. lay low, enjoy, and keep it simple.
when i saw the bright green meter long thin snake glide past my foot and raise itself in the air and continue gliding onto a plant to my left, i was able to just stand there, and be grateful for having witnessed such an amazingly beautiful creation, having no idea if it is poisonous or what...but when i saw the 3 day old little piglets, i couldn't help but squeal from joy....walking that middle line with such sweet little creatures was impossible....but amerta could do it even while he pointed out the one dead one that was laying there and "just couldn't make it apparently because he was too small" and just walk on past life and death right there as we passed by.
it was in that same quiet peaceful tone that he told me that his boss at the clinic had given him an award for his excellent service as a nurse and he was being given a new and higher position. again i squealed with joy since they are finally building a small home of their own and haven't enough money to finish it, and this will make it a little easier. but when i had spoken to his wife earlier about being honest and trustworthy she had shared with me that one of the guests needed medical assistance and when he asked how much to pay her husband for the treatment, she said $10. the guest thought that was too cheap and that he will get it back from his insurance company anyways, so he can give them a lot more, she repeated that $10 is enough. i asked her how come she didn't take the opportunity to take more money, especially since they need it for building the house? and she told me that she must be honest with god at all times, and cannot be tempted for selfish reasons because then she will go crazy, and she wants to stay sane and balanced, and knows that everything will work out in time.
it is nice to deal with people whose main goal is harmony and balance. it demands a whole new way of communicating, and of understanding situations. it places man in a humbler place and gives a sense of inner peace that is worth it all.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
my neighbor and the meal
so...no kitchen in my new living quarters, which is fine with me...keeps things simple and clean! but it means i need to find some way to eat one decent meal at lunch time. and so a great opportunity to finally start eating like the balinese!...nice spicey vegetables, tofu, fish and rice.
i walked over to the young (16?) neighbor and asked her if it is an option that they will add one more portion to the food they prepare for the family and that i will pay them for it and have a meal each day. she began to converse with her mother, who did not speak english, and after a short conversation she agreed. i asked the price, knowing that to walk over to the little local take away 10 minutes away would cost me less than $1....and when she said $2 i was a bit surprised....but decided not to start to bargain on the first day of meeting them. i told her we will do it as a trial meal just for today, and then we can speak about if it will be permanent.
i have the habit of "jumping in" when they are silent, and so i offered to come over with my plate when it is ready. she agreed, and said to come at 2. fine. i walked back to my place, 50 meters through the forest, and was pleased i had a solution, but troubled why they would double the price just because i am a foreigner, living in a big villa....but. thats how it is. i wondered whether instead of asking how much the meal would cost, i should have been pro-active and TOLD her i would like to have a $1 meal balinese style (spicey!) and thats it. so...next time. and i put aside the $2 to pay them when i took the meal. i had just sat down with my finances and saw that it is still in my budget, but no more than that a day.
as two o'clock approached i was just finishing my tibetan exercises on the yoga mat on my porch and i noticed a procession of 3 women coming in the direction of my villa, with an huge offering on one of their heads. hmm...middle of the day, a bit strange, didn't know there is a ceremony, and why in this direction. in order to respect them i stopped the exercising and waited in my house, peeking out the window to see when they finished passing by. but as i peeked i realized it was my neighbor and that they were bringing me my meal!
i was in shock. it was a big tray with a red velvet lid with gold trimming on it and when she reached my porch she asked permission to place it on my table. and just like any 5 star chef, she flung the velvet lid off revealing a delicious array of balinese food. i had told them i was vegetarian and ate tofu, tempeh, fish, vegetables...etc. i didn't mean for her to cook me ALL of that for my meal.
so there stood the mother who had prepared and elegantly carried the tray over on her head heading the procession, followed by her daughter that spoke the english, followed by....a neighbor that i guess either wanted to see who i was, or maybe how the chef was going to receive nice pay for this typical balinese meal.
i ooohed and ahhed over the meal and thanked them profusely and insisted on paying them immediately. they stood in line, waiting for me to give them the money. as i royally took out the 15,000 rupias and honorably straightened out the bills and made a little bow to place them in the daughters hands with tremendous gratitude, i saw a look of surprise on her face. i couldn't understand why....and then she ennunciated the word "fifty".
"FIFTY!!???"
"yes, fifty, not fifteen, but forty is also okay."
i was in shock! not only had they doubled the price of this typical balinese meal that i could have had at the warong on the main road, but they had ten timed it, thus uping the price to that of the fancy yoga resort restaurant on the other side of their house! i had eaten there the day before, and the food wasn't anything to rave about, and since they serve foreigners, you pay those kinds of prices...(5 euro)...
so...they are clever, huh...and i had debated whether to bargain them down to 8 and thought i was being generous as a first gesture. i stood there with my mouth open, the 15,000 rupias still waiting to be lifted gratefully from my outstretched hands, and just kind of stuttered that i thought she said 15,000 and not 50,000 and....
so in typical balinese style, to find harmony in this embarassing situation and instead of either of us "losing face", the mother told the daughter to just take it and let it go. no problem. all is fine. and the three of them walked back in their procession towards the sea, and stood there talking among themselves for a while. it was then that i thought that maybe the extra woman had come to see who would pay 50,000 rupias for a meal they make daily for less than $1....
after setting aside a small offering on a banana leaf of this exquisite meal i sat down to eat it. everything was perfectly spiced and spicey and delicious. the best balinese meal i had ever had....and so much...and i knew that she really did deserve $6 for it. just because she lives in the forest in an unfinished house and looks poor and simple and $6 is the wage a man would earn for 3 days of 8 hours a day of working, doesn't mean that i get to eat the meal for $2....
so when i finished, i placed the empty plates on the tray on my head, and walked over to thank her and to pay her the rest of the sum. the daughter insisted that it was fine and that it is like we are family now and not a guest. i had already realized that refusing twice to accept the money does not mean they don't want it, so i placed it on the tray and thanked them again, and they accepted it. and that was the last meal i will be having with those neighbors....as delicious as it was.
and i laughed as i returned from their backyard to my place and found my good balinese friends waiting at my house, with delicious sweet potatoes she had just cooked and wanted to share with me, and also offered to be my chef everyday. she did not know i had just had a meal from the neighbor....and i realized how i am getting so many lessons in learning how to state borders, being firm and polite...and then the heavens open up even a little more, for my next lesson.
it was also fun being on the receiving side of how the balinese will not let someone loose face or argue or shame or blame....the day before i had looked for a water dispenser for a big container of bottled water, only to open box after box of cracked ceramic dispensers, and chose not to buy any of them. and sweet mitha, gently suggested that maybe i would like to buy a bar of soap or something....all just so that the owner of the shop would not have to experience disappointment at having let a customer down. amazing....
i walked over to the young (16?) neighbor and asked her if it is an option that they will add one more portion to the food they prepare for the family and that i will pay them for it and have a meal each day. she began to converse with her mother, who did not speak english, and after a short conversation she agreed. i asked the price, knowing that to walk over to the little local take away 10 minutes away would cost me less than $1....and when she said $2 i was a bit surprised....but decided not to start to bargain on the first day of meeting them. i told her we will do it as a trial meal just for today, and then we can speak about if it will be permanent.
i have the habit of "jumping in" when they are silent, and so i offered to come over with my plate when it is ready. she agreed, and said to come at 2. fine. i walked back to my place, 50 meters through the forest, and was pleased i had a solution, but troubled why they would double the price just because i am a foreigner, living in a big villa....but. thats how it is. i wondered whether instead of asking how much the meal would cost, i should have been pro-active and TOLD her i would like to have a $1 meal balinese style (spicey!) and thats it. so...next time. and i put aside the $2 to pay them when i took the meal. i had just sat down with my finances and saw that it is still in my budget, but no more than that a day.
as two o'clock approached i was just finishing my tibetan exercises on the yoga mat on my porch and i noticed a procession of 3 women coming in the direction of my villa, with an huge offering on one of their heads. hmm...middle of the day, a bit strange, didn't know there is a ceremony, and why in this direction. in order to respect them i stopped the exercising and waited in my house, peeking out the window to see when they finished passing by. but as i peeked i realized it was my neighbor and that they were bringing me my meal!
i was in shock. it was a big tray with a red velvet lid with gold trimming on it and when she reached my porch she asked permission to place it on my table. and just like any 5 star chef, she flung the velvet lid off revealing a delicious array of balinese food. i had told them i was vegetarian and ate tofu, tempeh, fish, vegetables...etc. i didn't mean for her to cook me ALL of that for my meal.
so there stood the mother who had prepared and elegantly carried the tray over on her head heading the procession, followed by her daughter that spoke the english, followed by....a neighbor that i guess either wanted to see who i was, or maybe how the chef was going to receive nice pay for this typical balinese meal.
i ooohed and ahhed over the meal and thanked them profusely and insisted on paying them immediately. they stood in line, waiting for me to give them the money. as i royally took out the 15,000 rupias and honorably straightened out the bills and made a little bow to place them in the daughters hands with tremendous gratitude, i saw a look of surprise on her face. i couldn't understand why....and then she ennunciated the word "fifty".
"FIFTY!!???"
"yes, fifty, not fifteen, but forty is also okay."
i was in shock! not only had they doubled the price of this typical balinese meal that i could have had at the warong on the main road, but they had ten timed it, thus uping the price to that of the fancy yoga resort restaurant on the other side of their house! i had eaten there the day before, and the food wasn't anything to rave about, and since they serve foreigners, you pay those kinds of prices...(5 euro)...
so...they are clever, huh...and i had debated whether to bargain them down to 8 and thought i was being generous as a first gesture. i stood there with my mouth open, the 15,000 rupias still waiting to be lifted gratefully from my outstretched hands, and just kind of stuttered that i thought she said 15,000 and not 50,000 and....
so in typical balinese style, to find harmony in this embarassing situation and instead of either of us "losing face", the mother told the daughter to just take it and let it go. no problem. all is fine. and the three of them walked back in their procession towards the sea, and stood there talking among themselves for a while. it was then that i thought that maybe the extra woman had come to see who would pay 50,000 rupias for a meal they make daily for less than $1....
after setting aside a small offering on a banana leaf of this exquisite meal i sat down to eat it. everything was perfectly spiced and spicey and delicious. the best balinese meal i had ever had....and so much...and i knew that she really did deserve $6 for it. just because she lives in the forest in an unfinished house and looks poor and simple and $6 is the wage a man would earn for 3 days of 8 hours a day of working, doesn't mean that i get to eat the meal for $2....
so when i finished, i placed the empty plates on the tray on my head, and walked over to thank her and to pay her the rest of the sum. the daughter insisted that it was fine and that it is like we are family now and not a guest. i had already realized that refusing twice to accept the money does not mean they don't want it, so i placed it on the tray and thanked them again, and they accepted it. and that was the last meal i will be having with those neighbors....as delicious as it was.
and i laughed as i returned from their backyard to my place and found my good balinese friends waiting at my house, with delicious sweet potatoes she had just cooked and wanted to share with me, and also offered to be my chef everyday. she did not know i had just had a meal from the neighbor....and i realized how i am getting so many lessons in learning how to state borders, being firm and polite...and then the heavens open up even a little more, for my next lesson.
it was also fun being on the receiving side of how the balinese will not let someone loose face or argue or shame or blame....the day before i had looked for a water dispenser for a big container of bottled water, only to open box after box of cracked ceramic dispensers, and chose not to buy any of them. and sweet mitha, gently suggested that maybe i would like to buy a bar of soap or something....all just so that the owner of the shop would not have to experience disappointment at having let a customer down. amazing....
Saturday, June 30, 2012
i arrived back in bali a little over 24 hours ago. it has been breathtaking. each moment was filled with so many impressions i wondered how i would remember them all and be able to begin to put them down. and then i read the mayan calendar inspiration for today by vasumi and her closing words said it all:
" So beloveds a divine day to allow the awakening of our emotions to feel the beauty, the harmony and the expansion of what is in our most raw nature.."
that is exactly what happened to me today. as i walked the pock holed narrow streets from mithas' house thru the village with her in order to buy some basics for my new living quarters (an amazing villa by the sea) i kept stopping in my tracks and touching my heart as i tried to explain to her how "this" is what i need most in my heart! "this" is the microphoned chanting of one of the old villagers before dusk in the background, the gamelon music heard down one of the side paths, the sweet scent of incense in the air, the offerings in front of the houses and on the motorbikes and cars in honor of the ceremony for the special power of metal (knives, swords, cars, machines....that bring sharpness), the synchronicity of bumping into all 3 people that i wanted to meet and had no idea where i would find them each, the smiling welcoming villagers and kiosk owners as we walked through the streets, the kindness and reciprocal gestures of kindness towards each other, the gentleness of the fisherman and his son as together they move a large boulder that the sea has swept ashore exactly opposite the fishing boat that he needs to launch, the quiet humble greetings of my new neighbors.
the list could go on and on to include sleeping outdoors on my second story open air bedroom with the coconut leaves surrounding my view as the dawn breaks over the sea and the sky turns orange, or how the huge trees that line the shoreline provide big roots to sit on and enjoy the shade and the shimmering sun sparkling on the sea, and not to omit the joy and connection that making morning and evening offerings of flowers, incense, and food (todays' was some pumpkin seeds since that was all i had to eat in the morning) along with everyone else in the village ( and country, for that matter, other than the 5% muslims) and the feeling it allows of being part of something very big and ONE that has allowed us all such abundance on this new day of life we have been given, and such a tactile action to accompany words of gratitude that flow from the heart for the miracle of it all.
yesterday, my favorite cab driver, gede, picked me up at the airport. until i was walking from the plane to the arrival building, i still had no recollection of bali and what i was returning to, after 4 months, i just knew i had to return. what hit me first was going through a newly carved gateway for the new entrance at the enlarged airport. ah yes, those carved gateways of the temple, in black, of dragons and gargoyles to ward off any bad spirits trying to come through them too. next was at the immigration desk, when i realized that i had slept on the plane when the stewardess had handed out the forms to fill out and there i was without one...and wondering out loud what to do, and the kind man behind the desk motioned to me to come over to him and he offered to fill out the form for me! when i told him i live in israel, he asked if i am muslim, and i said no, and he said christian, no, "so you are jewish?! you must be very smart!" (we are the "people of The Book") ah yes....that generous open honest bestowing balinese spirit.....i had forgotten that too...especially after having gone through immigration lines in israel, jordan, abu dahbi, bangkok and singapore, where i received similar versions of official robot non personal no eye contact, interactions with them all, regardless of my smiling and saying good day and thank you. next was the x-ray machine man gesturing to the customs official to check my bag, apparently because it held my gamelon chime in it and they wondered where i had gotten it, since they are only from bali, and when i told him it was from bali and that i play it, they all smiled and gave me the thumbs up. as i exited the hall into the fenced off arrival plaza with tens of balinese holding up signs with names of the people they were picking up, i passed my head quickly from left to center within a second only to find the huge smile of gede straight in front of me welcoming me from the other side of the barrier, and we both made our way through the crowds and happily greeted each other. he took me to a money exchanger, and to buy an internet stick for the computer, which involved heavy traffic in the city, but he was as calm and peaceful as always. as we made our way through the winding mountain roads from south to north all of the unique balinese culture slowly revealed itself to me, letting me digest each impression before exposing the next one; the women in their brocade blouses with the offerings on their heads, the narrow roads filled with bicycles, motorbikes, trucks, cars, children, old people, all flowing together with barely a centimeter to spare between the car and them, and all peaceful and flowing as if on a different layer of existence than how we drive in western countries, and then the next impression of the decorated villages because of a ceremony, and the smell of incense in the air, and everyone outdoors sitting or carrying or talking or selling, right there, next to one another, with nothing separating them from each other. and the lush green forests and little streams winding through them.
i knew it was a special day. i knew that things cannot always and only be like this here, brahma the creator, and vishnu the preserver, and that i will also meet the side of the recycler, the destroyer, shiva...and that is fine too. and at the moment let me embrace all of this that so nourishes me. i tried to explain how i felt to gede. and to share with him how different it feels to be here, as compared to western society. i told him i know why the balinese don't go abroad....there is no reason for them to leave their heaven! but i told him that they probably don't even know they are in heaven, since they don't know anything else! i tried to explain to him how different the mentality is, peoples actions, peoples speech. it was then that he reminded me of the triple intention they have in hinduism; right thinking, right speech, and right action towards God, towards man, and towards the environment. this is how they are guided back from the lower habits that we all have and experience. "You need breaks, just like when you drive a car. otherwise your thoughts will just go in every direction and can cause harm. you need to use your breaks" he shared that he had spoken to a buddhist priest a while ago that had told him that if someone is troubled, they should just sit and meditate, and not ask god for anything, so that they won't be disappointed in god if it doesn't happen. just sitting in silence will solve every difficulty.
once we managed to find the path to my new habitat, he sat down with me and the owner for a few minutes. after i walked him back to his car, since the last bit is by foot (thank god, no road right up to the house) i asked him what he thought about the place and my landlord. "the house is good. with the landlord you must be like this ( and he made a firm slicing gesture with his right hand onto the palm of his left hand)." i said "yes, i know, assertive but....nice" and he added " assertive and polite". i thanked him for his advice and guidance and true concern for my well being, including advising me to immediately put all of my cash in the government bank so that it will be safe.
and yes, my friends, shiva was just waiting round the corner! and the sweetness of it all came tumbling down as the lies and proddings for more and more money began between me and the landlord. i had read in the i ching before i came here that the situation between the two of us is like a tiger that does not suspect anything from me, and that i should tread lightly on his tail in order to walk the proper path for me. that, along with the "assertive and polite" guidelines got me through all of the beaurocracy so far. it is a very different way for me than my usual way of pleasing everyone even if it is at my expense, just for the sake of being nice. i saw that it was possible to remain still, and just be, before taking out 50,000 rupias to pay the police department for the right to their protecting me while living here, rather than the 150,000 that he had asked for, or for the 600,000 that my landlord had requested. they smiled at me and didn't say another word about it. i realized that harmony is the most important thing here. my girlfriend even saw it in the astrological chart of the world....that is what characterizes this area called bali. and so while i sat at the police department last night (since they need to know about anyone that is in the village for more than 24 hours, and also because my landlord was hoping to get some cash to cover expenses he had today so we rushed over there last night) i was able to just sit back and shmooze with the casually dressed officer about religion, america, israel, and let the laughter and melodious indonesian language flow, guessing here and there about what we were speaking about, throwing in a word or two of indonesian myself, and even telling my landlord that i understand indonesian...which somehow i do, more or less, and which suddenly surprised (and scared) him since he was quite sure i didn't understand his comments.
after a wonderful sleep with only a roof over my head and nature for walls and windows, and waking up to the magnificent sea and wonderful trees and green all over, i realized that i do not have to let the interactions with my landlord change the way i feel about bali. i had met someone in israel that had shared how unpleasant it is dealing with her landlord, and she said "so what, i have an unpleasant landlord, that's all". and i decided to choose that path, of not allowing it to ruin my stay here. this was new for me. i had just left 4 months ago with such a bad feeling because of similiar issues and knew i had a choice of how i want to look at this. if i take gedes advice about the three part intention, and combine that with a theory another woman told me about the balinese being "gatherers" and that we foreigners are money trees....so he is just trying to pick my fruit that isn't ripe yet. the money will be his, in due time, each month, and not all in advance, as he had hoped. but he keeps pulling at the "fruit" hoping it will fall into his hands, but...if i am firm and polite, he will just have to wait for it to turn "soft" and ripe and then fall into his hands, which allows me to stay in "right thinking" instead of victimization and bad speech. i am grateful for these lessons....
" So beloveds a divine day to allow the awakening of our emotions to feel the beauty, the harmony and the expansion of what is in our most raw nature.."
that is exactly what happened to me today. as i walked the pock holed narrow streets from mithas' house thru the village with her in order to buy some basics for my new living quarters (an amazing villa by the sea) i kept stopping in my tracks and touching my heart as i tried to explain to her how "this" is what i need most in my heart! "this" is the microphoned chanting of one of the old villagers before dusk in the background, the gamelon music heard down one of the side paths, the sweet scent of incense in the air, the offerings in front of the houses and on the motorbikes and cars in honor of the ceremony for the special power of metal (knives, swords, cars, machines....that bring sharpness), the synchronicity of bumping into all 3 people that i wanted to meet and had no idea where i would find them each, the smiling welcoming villagers and kiosk owners as we walked through the streets, the kindness and reciprocal gestures of kindness towards each other, the gentleness of the fisherman and his son as together they move a large boulder that the sea has swept ashore exactly opposite the fishing boat that he needs to launch, the quiet humble greetings of my new neighbors.
the list could go on and on to include sleeping outdoors on my second story open air bedroom with the coconut leaves surrounding my view as the dawn breaks over the sea and the sky turns orange, or how the huge trees that line the shoreline provide big roots to sit on and enjoy the shade and the shimmering sun sparkling on the sea, and not to omit the joy and connection that making morning and evening offerings of flowers, incense, and food (todays' was some pumpkin seeds since that was all i had to eat in the morning) along with everyone else in the village ( and country, for that matter, other than the 5% muslims) and the feeling it allows of being part of something very big and ONE that has allowed us all such abundance on this new day of life we have been given, and such a tactile action to accompany words of gratitude that flow from the heart for the miracle of it all.
yesterday, my favorite cab driver, gede, picked me up at the airport. until i was walking from the plane to the arrival building, i still had no recollection of bali and what i was returning to, after 4 months, i just knew i had to return. what hit me first was going through a newly carved gateway for the new entrance at the enlarged airport. ah yes, those carved gateways of the temple, in black, of dragons and gargoyles to ward off any bad spirits trying to come through them too. next was at the immigration desk, when i realized that i had slept on the plane when the stewardess had handed out the forms to fill out and there i was without one...and wondering out loud what to do, and the kind man behind the desk motioned to me to come over to him and he offered to fill out the form for me! when i told him i live in israel, he asked if i am muslim, and i said no, and he said christian, no, "so you are jewish?! you must be very smart!" (we are the "people of The Book") ah yes....that generous open honest bestowing balinese spirit.....i had forgotten that too...especially after having gone through immigration lines in israel, jordan, abu dahbi, bangkok and singapore, where i received similar versions of official robot non personal no eye contact, interactions with them all, regardless of my smiling and saying good day and thank you. next was the x-ray machine man gesturing to the customs official to check my bag, apparently because it held my gamelon chime in it and they wondered where i had gotten it, since they are only from bali, and when i told him it was from bali and that i play it, they all smiled and gave me the thumbs up. as i exited the hall into the fenced off arrival plaza with tens of balinese holding up signs with names of the people they were picking up, i passed my head quickly from left to center within a second only to find the huge smile of gede straight in front of me welcoming me from the other side of the barrier, and we both made our way through the crowds and happily greeted each other. he took me to a money exchanger, and to buy an internet stick for the computer, which involved heavy traffic in the city, but he was as calm and peaceful as always. as we made our way through the winding mountain roads from south to north all of the unique balinese culture slowly revealed itself to me, letting me digest each impression before exposing the next one; the women in their brocade blouses with the offerings on their heads, the narrow roads filled with bicycles, motorbikes, trucks, cars, children, old people, all flowing together with barely a centimeter to spare between the car and them, and all peaceful and flowing as if on a different layer of existence than how we drive in western countries, and then the next impression of the decorated villages because of a ceremony, and the smell of incense in the air, and everyone outdoors sitting or carrying or talking or selling, right there, next to one another, with nothing separating them from each other. and the lush green forests and little streams winding through them.
i knew it was a special day. i knew that things cannot always and only be like this here, brahma the creator, and vishnu the preserver, and that i will also meet the side of the recycler, the destroyer, shiva...and that is fine too. and at the moment let me embrace all of this that so nourishes me. i tried to explain how i felt to gede. and to share with him how different it feels to be here, as compared to western society. i told him i know why the balinese don't go abroad....there is no reason for them to leave their heaven! but i told him that they probably don't even know they are in heaven, since they don't know anything else! i tried to explain to him how different the mentality is, peoples actions, peoples speech. it was then that he reminded me of the triple intention they have in hinduism; right thinking, right speech, and right action towards God, towards man, and towards the environment. this is how they are guided back from the lower habits that we all have and experience. "You need breaks, just like when you drive a car. otherwise your thoughts will just go in every direction and can cause harm. you need to use your breaks" he shared that he had spoken to a buddhist priest a while ago that had told him that if someone is troubled, they should just sit and meditate, and not ask god for anything, so that they won't be disappointed in god if it doesn't happen. just sitting in silence will solve every difficulty.
once we managed to find the path to my new habitat, he sat down with me and the owner for a few minutes. after i walked him back to his car, since the last bit is by foot (thank god, no road right up to the house) i asked him what he thought about the place and my landlord. "the house is good. with the landlord you must be like this ( and he made a firm slicing gesture with his right hand onto the palm of his left hand)." i said "yes, i know, assertive but....nice" and he added " assertive and polite". i thanked him for his advice and guidance and true concern for my well being, including advising me to immediately put all of my cash in the government bank so that it will be safe.
and yes, my friends, shiva was just waiting round the corner! and the sweetness of it all came tumbling down as the lies and proddings for more and more money began between me and the landlord. i had read in the i ching before i came here that the situation between the two of us is like a tiger that does not suspect anything from me, and that i should tread lightly on his tail in order to walk the proper path for me. that, along with the "assertive and polite" guidelines got me through all of the beaurocracy so far. it is a very different way for me than my usual way of pleasing everyone even if it is at my expense, just for the sake of being nice. i saw that it was possible to remain still, and just be, before taking out 50,000 rupias to pay the police department for the right to their protecting me while living here, rather than the 150,000 that he had asked for, or for the 600,000 that my landlord had requested. they smiled at me and didn't say another word about it. i realized that harmony is the most important thing here. my girlfriend even saw it in the astrological chart of the world....that is what characterizes this area called bali. and so while i sat at the police department last night (since they need to know about anyone that is in the village for more than 24 hours, and also because my landlord was hoping to get some cash to cover expenses he had today so we rushed over there last night) i was able to just sit back and shmooze with the casually dressed officer about religion, america, israel, and let the laughter and melodious indonesian language flow, guessing here and there about what we were speaking about, throwing in a word or two of indonesian myself, and even telling my landlord that i understand indonesian...which somehow i do, more or less, and which suddenly surprised (and scared) him since he was quite sure i didn't understand his comments.
after a wonderful sleep with only a roof over my head and nature for walls and windows, and waking up to the magnificent sea and wonderful trees and green all over, i realized that i do not have to let the interactions with my landlord change the way i feel about bali. i had met someone in israel that had shared how unpleasant it is dealing with her landlord, and she said "so what, i have an unpleasant landlord, that's all". and i decided to choose that path, of not allowing it to ruin my stay here. this was new for me. i had just left 4 months ago with such a bad feeling because of similiar issues and knew i had a choice of how i want to look at this. if i take gedes advice about the three part intention, and combine that with a theory another woman told me about the balinese being "gatherers" and that we foreigners are money trees....so he is just trying to pick my fruit that isn't ripe yet. the money will be his, in due time, each month, and not all in advance, as he had hoped. but he keeps pulling at the "fruit" hoping it will fall into his hands, but...if i am firm and polite, he will just have to wait for it to turn "soft" and ripe and then fall into his hands, which allows me to stay in "right thinking" instead of victimization and bad speech. i am grateful for these lessons....
Thursday, June 28, 2012
the lifting of the veils
I opened up my eyes and saw the sun shining through the big leaves of the tall tropical trees. the sound of the rushing water of the stream along with the background hum of crickets, replacing the hum of trucks and cars, stirred my heart. i felt the beginning of a warm familiar glow inside that had not been experienced for months. "You're almost home" said the voice.
I raised myself up from the wooden bench I had fallen asleep on and noticed the little old bow legged woman gardener from the botanical garden was sitting on the other bench beside me just where she had been two hours earlier when i found this particular resting place amongst busy fancy Singapore. I knew something had changed from 2 hours ago, but was looking for evidence. the clues began to add up; the simple handmade rake from bamboo, worn and useful. the thin strips of palm sticks beautifully tied like a bouquet opening up at the end of the wooden handle of the broom to sweep the leaves from the path. "I'm almost home." I looked around me, remembering now the tall tall trees, the big palm leaves, the myriad shades of green, lushness, the tropics, a nice breeze, bits of sun shining through the quiet shade of the forest. I had forgotten it all.
I remember watching how layer after layer had disappeared from my consciousness when i left Bali 4 months ago. It was like transparent veils that silently came over me, as the modern western world and society became my new surroundings. There was no stopping it, just observing parts of me thai i was no longer in touch with. i could not fight it. i didn't even know what to fight. it just slowly disappeared leaving me feeling like i lost something precious i had been given, but i don't even know what it looked like anymore, and what exactly it was. just that it wasn't.
my mind quickly started to put the puzzle pieces together; "Hey, look, this scenery is typically Israeli." i consciously looked out the window of the bus to see what had excited the young man sitting next to me as we drove towards Amman; old olive trees scattered on rocky dry stone terraces. a biblical look to it. Yes, it looked ancient and poetic. i could appreciate the resemblance to the drive towards jerusalem, but did not feel a tingle inside like he did. it was hard, barren, hot, sparse, empty, vulnerable, nature. i had been telling him about the sea and the laughing friendly simple people of northern bali. just barely remembering it all.
the energy in Abu Dahbi was still "middle eastern". in Bangkok things began to feel "lighter" with the men who looked more like women in their skin tight 3/4 length pants, made up faces, purses and feminine body language and giggle as they photographed themselves posing with their friends as if all of life was one big theater show. the abundance of huge orchid bouquets that decorated the airport brought a delicateness that is less apparent in the middle east. as i write this, i remember reading an e-mail yesterday from carol about how the lone straggly orchid that i gave her a year ago when i gave away my possessions, had bloomed the day i arrived to house sit by her in February. I had left Bali for 4 months and its last magnificent flower fell off its unbelievable abundantly budded branches the day i left to return to Bali.
As i landed in Singapore i could feel a slight change come over me. I attributed it to my imagination and wishful thinking. but then, as i stood at the "left baggage" counter this morning and a mother and daughter ahead of me conversed with the worker, my ears suddenly heard the melodious mumble jumble Indondesian that i had studied for months and had even known how to speak, but had also been covered in a veil of amnesia. i was surprised to hear it here in singapore, but happy to recognize the familiar words and an inexplicalbe ability to understand them in some abstract way making me feel a part of the conversation even though i couldn't tell you why.
later in the underground train fo the city, the daughter struck up a conversation with me in english and her mother just giggled each time her daughter translated to her our conversation. They were from jakarta, moslems, and with that open, friendly air of the Balinese, or maybe Indonesians?
The last puzzle piece was the creative juices that suddenly began to flow agin after an absence of months. poetic descriptions and sensuality began to tumble around in my mind and mouth. my hand needed to put it all down and share it with friends and family. this same life force that had been hidden like the "mists of Avalon" were suddenly appearing again as i got closer to returning to Bali. Nice.
i am grateful. i missed that part of me, but this nature is awakening my heart again and giving water to my senses that heal from this tropical atmosphere, mosquitos and all.
people ask me what i "do" all day in Bali...this is it....just sit and witness the magic and let it flow out in words as I am filled to overflowing and want to share it with whoever has room in their cup to read it....
I raised myself up from the wooden bench I had fallen asleep on and noticed the little old bow legged woman gardener from the botanical garden was sitting on the other bench beside me just where she had been two hours earlier when i found this particular resting place amongst busy fancy Singapore. I knew something had changed from 2 hours ago, but was looking for evidence. the clues began to add up; the simple handmade rake from bamboo, worn and useful. the thin strips of palm sticks beautifully tied like a bouquet opening up at the end of the wooden handle of the broom to sweep the leaves from the path. "I'm almost home." I looked around me, remembering now the tall tall trees, the big palm leaves, the myriad shades of green, lushness, the tropics, a nice breeze, bits of sun shining through the quiet shade of the forest. I had forgotten it all.
I remember watching how layer after layer had disappeared from my consciousness when i left Bali 4 months ago. It was like transparent veils that silently came over me, as the modern western world and society became my new surroundings. There was no stopping it, just observing parts of me thai i was no longer in touch with. i could not fight it. i didn't even know what to fight. it just slowly disappeared leaving me feeling like i lost something precious i had been given, but i don't even know what it looked like anymore, and what exactly it was. just that it wasn't.
my mind quickly started to put the puzzle pieces together; "Hey, look, this scenery is typically Israeli." i consciously looked out the window of the bus to see what had excited the young man sitting next to me as we drove towards Amman; old olive trees scattered on rocky dry stone terraces. a biblical look to it. Yes, it looked ancient and poetic. i could appreciate the resemblance to the drive towards jerusalem, but did not feel a tingle inside like he did. it was hard, barren, hot, sparse, empty, vulnerable, nature. i had been telling him about the sea and the laughing friendly simple people of northern bali. just barely remembering it all.
the energy in Abu Dahbi was still "middle eastern". in Bangkok things began to feel "lighter" with the men who looked more like women in their skin tight 3/4 length pants, made up faces, purses and feminine body language and giggle as they photographed themselves posing with their friends as if all of life was one big theater show. the abundance of huge orchid bouquets that decorated the airport brought a delicateness that is less apparent in the middle east. as i write this, i remember reading an e-mail yesterday from carol about how the lone straggly orchid that i gave her a year ago when i gave away my possessions, had bloomed the day i arrived to house sit by her in February. I had left Bali for 4 months and its last magnificent flower fell off its unbelievable abundantly budded branches the day i left to return to Bali.
As i landed in Singapore i could feel a slight change come over me. I attributed it to my imagination and wishful thinking. but then, as i stood at the "left baggage" counter this morning and a mother and daughter ahead of me conversed with the worker, my ears suddenly heard the melodious mumble jumble Indondesian that i had studied for months and had even known how to speak, but had also been covered in a veil of amnesia. i was surprised to hear it here in singapore, but happy to recognize the familiar words and an inexplicalbe ability to understand them in some abstract way making me feel a part of the conversation even though i couldn't tell you why.
later in the underground train fo the city, the daughter struck up a conversation with me in english and her mother just giggled each time her daughter translated to her our conversation. They were from jakarta, moslems, and with that open, friendly air of the Balinese, or maybe Indonesians?
The last puzzle piece was the creative juices that suddenly began to flow agin after an absence of months. poetic descriptions and sensuality began to tumble around in my mind and mouth. my hand needed to put it all down and share it with friends and family. this same life force that had been hidden like the "mists of Avalon" were suddenly appearing again as i got closer to returning to Bali. Nice.
i am grateful. i missed that part of me, but this nature is awakening my heart again and giving water to my senses that heal from this tropical atmosphere, mosquitos and all.
people ask me what i "do" all day in Bali...this is it....just sit and witness the magic and let it flow out in words as I am filled to overflowing and want to share it with whoever has room in their cup to read it....
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